Every time you think you have this year’s Super Rugby Pacific picked, then these things happen! The top side gets humbled by their ninth-placed opponents. My beloved Reds in fourth place get humbled by the Fijians in last place. The only predictable thing we saw was the Waratahs getting smashed. And let’s face it, after my team getting beaten, and my tips being complete 💩, I took a large amount of solace out of that.
So let’s get into the game-by-game review, Brisney style. Pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk rugby.
Super Rugby Pacific Round 12
Auckland Blues 40 defeated Western Force 19
Beale bags a meat pie, But Blues bash the Force – This week, our beloved Westerners flew across the ditch to Eden Park – the Bermuda Triangle of Australian rugby – to take on a Blues side who looked about as interested in defending as a cat in a bathtub… until it mattered.
Final score? Blues 40 – Force 19. Oof. – A scoreline that flatters the Force about as much as a dinner invite from Wayne Bennett. Let’s start with the good news (yes, there is some): Kurtley “I should never be allowed to wear green and gold again” Beale returned for the Force. After 10 months on the pine with an Achilles injury and about 400 thinkpieces asking if he’s still got it, Beale returned with a ‘bang’, just like inside the toilet cubicle. Well, not really a bang, but a well-timed piece of support play off a Grealy flick that saw him crash over in the 47th minute. But while Beale reminded us he still exists, the rest of the Force did their best impression of a year 10 drama class: lots of effort, not much execution.
The Tale of the Tape – The Force actually came out swinging, and for about 20 minutes they looked like the more threatening side. Harry Potter (yes, still playing and still not riding a broomstick) was busy out wide, carving up the Blues’ defence like it was a Sunday roast. Unfortunately, the rest of the team brought hands like concrete mittens. Every promising movement seemed to end in a fumble, knock-on, or a refereeing decision that made you question the very fabric of World Rugby.
The Blues, naturally, did what Kiwi teams do best – sit back, absorb pressure, and then punish you harder than a post-Wednesday night at the Regatta. A dominant scrum and some Beauden Barrett wizardry had them up 12-0 in a blink with big Marcel Renata and Cole Forbes (twice!) grabbing meat pies. To their credit, the Force didn’t roll over. Tizzano thought he’d dotted down (of course he did, bloke lives on the tryline) but was denied by a knock-on from Dolly. Never fear – 10 minutes later, Tizzano got his 12th of the season from a rolling maul. Honestly, if there’s a bloke who bleeds for the jersey more, I haven’t seen him.
Then came the moment: a peach of a cross-kick from Donno to Grealy, who flipped it out the back to Beale for a vintage finish. Cue hugs, high-fives, and a flicker of hope. But hope, like an Aussie lead in the second half of a Bledisloe, was short-lived. The Blues turned the screws, bagged three of the next four tries, and cruised home with a bonus point. Barrett put on a kicking clinic. AJ Lam and Forbes finished beautifully. And Beale, who looked good in patches, limped off in the 72nd.
The Force now sit on 22 points, equal with the Blues, but dangerously close to slipping out of finals contention. If they’re gonna sneak into the top eight, they’ll need to win at least two of their final three games. Based on this effort? Well… stranger things have happened. But not many.
Three Things We Learnt
- The Force can’t travel – The Force are starting to look a bit like the Tahs with problems every time they board a plane. If they want to push for finals contention, they’re going to have to get over this aversion to road trips.
- Tizzano = weapon – The human Energizer bunny. 12 tries this season and more pilfers than a year 8 lunchbox raid. Sign him up long term and build the forward pack around him.
- The scrums still suck – The Force pack got monstered. Again. Until they fix the set piece, they’ll keep losing the arm wrestles that decide close games – or worse, get blown away in ones like this.
Fiji Drua 36 defeated Queensland Reds 33
The wrap-Up – a Suva sideshow of suffering – Les Kiss and his Red men turned up in Suva knowing this was a must win. Not a “would be nice to win” or “let’s give it a nudge” — but a proper, put your best kit on and take care of business type match. Instead, what we got was a spine-tingling 80-minute thriller that ended with the Reds once again being left broken and bruised under the Fijian sun.
Let’s not beat around the hibiscus bush — this was another case of the Drua playing the role of Super Rugby’s resident chaos merchants. They might be propping up the ladder, but try telling them that. They came out swinging, scoring early through Rakuro before the Reds responded via Jock “Smooth Shoes” Campbell. What followed was a see-sawing tryfest that left fans gasping harder than a Brumbies fan reading a law book. Big men were carting it up, bodies were strewn like deck chairs in a cyclone, and by the time the halftime hooter blew, the Reds had nosed in front thanks to the rampaging Seru Uru — who, let’s be honest, looked more at home in Suva than a cold beer does in my esky.
But second halves in Suva? That’s Drua time, baby. The locals hit the afterburners, and the Reds’ defence went missing like a politician during a scandal. Vocevoce and Tuwai crashed over to regain the lead, and just when we thought the Reds had steadied the ship with tries to Big Jeff and young Max Craig, heartbreak arrived dressed as Isikeli Rabitu with less than a minute left.
One late yellow to co-captain Fraser McReight (an absolute workhorse otherwise) didn’t help the cause, and that, as they say, was that. Three trips to Suva for the Reds. Three losses. The Fijian hoodoo lives on.
The good, the bad and the sunny
The good: Tries, tries and more tries. This was pure rugby theatre. Seru Uru is reminding everyone that he’s a bolter for higher honours. Jeff Toomaga-Allen finished like a winger. You love to see it.
The bad: Reds’ edge defence — softer than a servo sausage roll. Game management in the final five. McReight’s yellow was a killer. Missed conversions from the Drua kept the Reds in it longer than they should’ve been.
The sunny (because we’re in Fiji after all): The atmosphere. The crowd. The colour. Suva is a rugby party.
Three things we learnt from the game
- The Drua are giant killers — ignore them at your peril. They might be inconsistent but, at home they turn into something else entirely. Altitude teams in South Africa used to do this. Now it’s Drua at sea level with a drum circle behind them.
- Les Kiss still has work to do. The Reds are flashy and fast but need polish. Finals footy isn’t just about scoring points — it’s about closing games. That’s twice in a row now they’ve been hunted down late.
- Seru Uru is coming of age. The Fijian-born flanker is blending brute force with silky skills. Wallabies selectors will be watching. You’d hope.
Hurricanes 35 defeated Chiefs 17
The Sullivan show: one man wrecking crew lifts Canes over Chiefs – What started as a Chiefs highlight reel starring Daniel “Double Tap” Rona turned into the Bailyn Sullivan Variety Hour, with the winger-turned-saviour crossing four bloody times in the second stanza to flip the script and hand the Hurricanes a cracking 35–17 win. Yep, you read that right. Four tries.
The first half was all Chiefs, all Rona, all the time. The midfield man was slicing through like a hot knife through Kiwi butter, dotting down twice and giving the Canes faithful that familiar sinking feeling. First, he twisted and spun his way over like he was auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. Then, just as the orange slices were being chopped for halftime, he pinched an intercept and gassed it 60 metres for a solo stunner. But while the scoreboard read 15–9 at the break, the Canes weren’t done. No sir.
Cue: The Sullivan Show.
Thrown into the action early after Kini Naholo hobbled off, Bailyn decided it was time to remind the world that he’s not just the “other” Sullivan. First, he latches onto a peach of a harbour bridge ball from Billy Proctor to stroll over. Then, Proctor again steps up, slicing through the line like it owed him money, before feeding Higgins, who served it up for Bailyn’s second. The Chiefs started wobbling, the wheels loosening. Then came the gut punch: Shaun “Golden Boy” Stevenson sent to the naughty chair with some 🧀 for a questionable bit of niggle. And the Canes? They pounced.
Love, who had been ticking the scoreboard over with his boot, laced a cross-field nuke that landed plumb on Sullivan’s chest, who, with the nearest defender somewhere near Napier, strolled in for the hat-trick. Still not satisfied, he iced the cake with his fourth, chasing down a deft little Higgins grubber and dotting it down like he’d been doing it since the womb. Final whistle blows. Canes 35, Chiefs 17. Four tries to one man. Hurricanes into fifth. And momentum? Fully charged.
The Chiefs, meanwhile, will be sitting in the sheds wondering how they let that one slip. They’re now tied with the Crusaders on 37 points, but with the Saders enjoying a quiet one this week that missed opportunity might just sting come finals time.
Three things we learnt
- Bailyn Sullivan’s the real deal – Move over, stars, the understudy just stole the show. Sullivan came on early and turned into a four try Terminator. That performance wasn’t just “good” — it was season-defining.
- Billy Proctor’s vision is under rated – Two gorgeous assists and general cool-headedness when the game was swinging. The man’s got a pass like a surgeon’s scalpel, and the Canes’ backline fed off it.
- The Chiefs are mortal after all – They started like world-beaters but fizzled when the heat got turned up. Discipline? Wobbly. Composure? Missing. They’ll want that one back — finals footy isn’t kind to teams that snooze in the second half.
ACT Brumbies 40 defeated NSW Waratahs 17
Brumbies belt the Tahs and send them packing (again) – The Brumbies dished out a hot serve of humble pie to the Waratahs and reasserted themselves as the Aussie conference’s big dogs with a 40-17 demolition job. In the shadows of Parliament House the Ponies put the Tahs to the sword in a performance that was part revenge mission, part finals statement, and all Brumbies brilliance. And let’s be honest — after that travesty of a loss earlier this year, you could feel the vengeance coming in waves before kickoff.
The first half was tighter than Keith’s wallet at happy hour. NSW’s million-dollar man, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, tried to earn his pay cheque with some big moments — including a nice try off a cracking run — and the Tahs even got it back to 12-all. But then came some questionable refereeing decisions. Angus “I-swear-that-wasn’t-forward” Gardner missed more forward passes in one game than usually occur in a whole round, allowing Billy Pollard to crash over and swing the match.
From there, it was like watching a python slowly squeeze its prey. Three second-half tries — including another electric double from Brumby speedster Corey “The Jet” Toole — blew the Tahs out of the water, and by the 60-minute mark, it was all over bar the sideline beers. For all the hype around the Tahs’ young talent, they were outclassed, outmuscled, and frankly outcoached. Brumbies coach Stephen Larkham had his boys humming, and you just knew they’d taken last week’s loss to the Canes personally.
To be fair, Waratahs No.8 Langi Gleeson gave Joe Schmidt something to think about with a storming performance, including an intercept try that kept the visitors in it early. But one man can only carry so much — and once the Brumbies pack clicked into gear, the Tahs’ resistance was about as sturdy as wet cardboard. The Waratahs, now clinging to eighth like a cat to a curtain, need to beat the Reds next week or start planning Mad Monday. Meanwhile, the Brumbies roll on — top three secured, confidence restored, and eyes locked on finals footy.
Three things we learnt from the game
1. Corey Toole has a freakin’ jetpack – The bloke is officially unmarkable. Two tries, breakneck pace, and a defensive work rate that Wallabies coach Joe Schmidt cannot ignore. If he’s not in the gold jersey come July, we riot.
2. The Tahs’ travel sickness is terminal – Five straight road losses. The Tahs away from home have all the composure of a toddler full of red cordial. Finals footy? Only if they win next week — and even then, they’ll need a miracle.
3. Refereeing clangers still haunt the code – Look, we get it — referees are human. But the missed forward passes leading to Pollard’s try were horrendous. If we’re going to bang on about “world-class officiating,” we need more than a bloke who forgets his depth perception under pressure.
Moana Pasifika 34 defeated The Highlanders 29
Moana rise as Landers splat in Dunedin ding-dong battle – Well, my jaw still on the floor after what was arguably the most chaotic Sunday session of footy this year. Moana Pasifika – the team many wrote off – have just torched the Highlanders in a 34–29 tryfest at the Glasshouse in Dunedin. And yes, before you check your prescription, that headline is correct: Moana Pasifika are in the finals mix. Let that marinate for a sec.
This was Tana Umaga’s men playing like they actually wanted to be there. It was fast, physical, and flippin’ fun. And more importantly, it was the first time ever they’ve knocked over the Landers. So fire up the kava, the lads from the Pacific are making some noise.
The match kicked off like a pair of drunk uncles in a backyard boxing match—wild swings, sudden momentum shifts, and everyone landing some blows. Ratumaitavuki-Kneepkens got the party started early for the hosts, but Danny Toala gave it the ol’ “hold my beer” and hit back three minutes later. Jonah Lowe snuck one in for the Highlanders, and for a moment, it looked like the usual script was about to play out. But no, Moana rolled up the sleeves and started muscling in at the ruck. Lalomilo Lalamilo (yes, the name is real and yes, it’s glorious) dived over and with Garden-Bachop’s boot plus a cheeky Havili penalty Moana were somehow 17–12 up at the break.
Now the second half? Absolute mayhem.
Cam Millar slotted a pen to trim the gap and got Havili binned for his troubles. Enter Ardie Savea. Not content with just being an All Black menace, he casually steamrolled his way to a momentum-shifting try. You could feel the energy shift. But the Highlanders weren’t done. Folau Fakatava pulled out some razzle-dazzle, and Jonah Lowe cashed in for his second. Miracle Faiilagi answered back—because yes, Moana Pasifika have a loose forward named Miracle, and yes, he plays like one.
With the clock winding down, Jack Taylor finished off a classic rolling maul to tie it up, and Taine Robinson nudged the hosts in front. The Dunedin faithful thought they were home. But then—chaos.
Melani Matavao said “not today, mate” with a brilliant charge down try to flip the script. And when the Highlanders butchered a final chance post-siren it was all over she wrote.
So, where does that leave us? Moana Pasifika are sitting sixth, leapfrogging the Blues, Force, and Waratahs. The Landers? Tenth, three losses on the trot, and staring down a long winter of sad Speights and even sadder reviews.
Three things we learned
1. Moana Pasifika are no longer just making up the numbers – They’ve got five wins, belief in spades, and more importantly, they’re finally stringing together performances. You don’t fluke a win like this.
2. Ardie Savea is still a cheat code – The bloke’s not even full-time with Moana but turned up, busted the game open, and led like the All Black talisman he is. The younger blokes lifted around him, and suddenly, this team looks dangerous.
3. The Highlanders are cooked – They’re not out mathematically, but they’re leaking tries like a dodgy tap and have no closing power. A team with finals hopes doesn’t blow a lead with ten to go against a team like Moana.
Super Rugby Pacific Ladder
With those upsets in this round the ladder has had some movement. The Blues are up into seventh spot, closing in rapidly on the required sixth slot to make the finals. The Reds are still in fourth, with KARL’s Canes close behind. The Ponies are in third position, within striking distance of the top two. And the top two remained unchanged with the Saders having a bye and the Chiefs having an unexpected loss.
What does it all mean? Fark knows! But the next few weeks are the tight end of the funnel for those who want to make their moves. And for my Reddies, it means there can be no more losses. For the Tahs, well they’re just screwed. And that’s the way we like it.
Anyway, enough of me dribbling on. Over to you G&GRS. Have at it.
