Friday’s Rugby News.

G’day Gaggers and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. No Wallabies match this weekend, but so what! There’s still plenty to fabricate, exacerbate and vacillate over. So what are you waiting for?

Today we kick off with ‘Guess who’s back: back again.’ Look at global relationships in ‘With friends like these!’. Kick off awards season with ‘The Golden Gagger.’ Revisit a howler at ‘Clear and obvious, huh.’ Before we wrap up with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘, now even more dinky-di, true-blue, than the nose puncher himself, ‘Hummus Bob’ Katter.

Guess who’s back: back again.

Samu’s back, tell a friend. That’s right Wallaby fans, ‘Pistol’ Pete Samu has been named in the wider Wallaby squad to face the Latin lotharios, the sultans of swerve, the conqueror of Kiwis (to be fair so is year 4 of NZ primary school, toughest six years of their lives), Argentina.

It must be said the Wallaby squad actually looks rather strong, and this despite missing Choppa Donaldson, Spielberg Pietch (seeing that image of DP, I haven’t been that frightened looking at jaws since Jaws) and Tom Wright, who had his knee wrecked a few rucks after a Bok scumbag tried to twist it off, while Wright laid defenseless on the ground. Tough men those Boks.

Anyhoo, Qantas Platinum frequent flyer member, Will Skelton, has flown back to France for a brief respite before the Frogs season starts any minute now, and despite what KARL and KB say (who as members of the ‘We hate Big Willy’ fan club is a Freudian insight into some of their own, ahem, ‘short comings’), Skelton’s on and off field leadership, let alone his actual performances, will be sorely missed. That said, I’m looking forward to big Lukhan getting some game time and picking up the controlled aggro where he left off against the FUKIRs and, perhaps, filling the hole left by Skelton.

But back to where we started. How good are Wallaby loose forward stocks right now? By adding the Pistol back to the Wallaby holster, they look even better. The squad already contains FMac, Dirty Harry Wilson, Sideshow Bob Valetini, Clubba Langi Gleeson (although out injured for now), Carlo Mad-dog Tizzano, Tom ‘Mongo’ Hooper and ‘The Professor’ Nick something-something-something. That’s some proper depth right there.

There’re also a few returning players to the wider group: Sleepy Lynagh returns from his Jedi head knock in the third Lions test (‘you don’t need to see a replay, wave us on our way, nothing to see here’). Hogwarts poster boy, Harry Potter is fit again, 7As has made a miraculous recovery (I though he was dusted for the whole RC?), and Filipo Daugunu and Hamish Stewart retain their spots. The squad will assemble in Townsville (still putting the ‘F’ into FNQ), this Sunday.

Forwards (20): Allan Alaalatoa, Angus Bell, Josh Canham, Nick Champion de Crespigny, Nick Frost, Tom Hooper Fraser McReight, Josh Nasser, Zane Nonggorr, Brandon Paenga-Amosa, Billy Pollard, Tom Robertson, Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Pete Samu, James Slipper, Carlo Tizzano, Taniela Tupou, Rob Valetini, Jeremy Williams, Harry Wilson.

Backs (16): Filipo Daugunu, Tane Edmed, Josh Flook, Len Ikitau, Max Jorgensen, Andrew Kellaway, Ryan Lonergan, Tom Lynagh, Tate McDermott, James O’Connor, Hunter Paisami, Harry Potter, Hamish Stewart, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, Corey Toole, Nic White.

With friends like these!

DSO v Wallaroos. Sunday, 31 August 4:00am AEST. 4:30am kick off on Stan.

Let’s be honest here, what sort of friend bullies you? Constantly berates you? Ignores you? Steals your milk money from under your nose yet expects blind obedience from you in return? That’s right: no real friend at all. And so it is this weekend our Wallaroos go up against no real friend at all, the Seppos.

On top of the geopolitical tensions between us and the schoolkid shooters, many on G&GR will recall the last time these two teams met, amateur Seppo ballroom dancer Alez Skelter, decided to do the ‘Texan two-step’ on the face of our very own animal loving, kind to her grandparents, church going, seeing eye dog volunteer fundraiser, Georgia ‘G-Fred’ Friedrichs. It was a deliberate, sickening and brutal attack that could have not only ignited a military strike from us, but also a stern rebuke from Albo and a refusal from him to subscribe to Apple TV for a few weeks (well at least until Slow House returns) in retaliation Things got tense folks. So bad was it that World Rugby intervened and implemented a full and frank disciplinary process that saw Kelter miss one match in suspension and therefore qualify for the RWC. Take that sadistic, Seppo stomper!

And so our golden girls, a team of goodness and light, of decency and honour, find themselves cast against the devil spawn of the good ol’ Divided States of Ormerica (or DSO for short) for their second round RWC clash. Not putting it too delicately, but win and the Wallaroos are through to the quarters, lose, and the RWC is over for the golden girls as the all conquering Red Roses await in round three. And them having just put near 70 points (69-7) on the Seppos first-up. Yikes.

I’ll post the team details here when known. Go well, golden girls.

Fearless Prediction: Wallaroos by 35.

The Golden Gagger.

Oi, actual Wallaby players, listen up. How about you don’t pretend you don’t read G&GR. I’ve seen you do it. I’ve been on flights with you and watched as you scrolled through the articles both in the waiting lounge and onboard the flight. I’ve heard you chuckle. I’ve heard you swear and I’ve heard you discuss the topics. You’re fans of G&GR, don’t fight it. And for the record, ‘yes’, Yowie is a real person and ‘no’, teams of doctors haven’t got the answers, yet. Indeed, it’s only been my abject and breathtakingly wonderful humility and some rather aggressive restraining orders that have prevented me from coming forward and confessing all to you in person. But I digress.

Starting things off today, all on G&GR will have the chance to vote for their favourite Wallaby from the test played that weekend, allocated on a 5,4,3,2,1 basis. To kick things off we’ve opened the voting for the two tests just played against the Dutch Dirt Farmers. Fan scoring will be kept ‘blind’ across the test season to keep the contest interesting and fair, otherwise a Waratah player will naturally win it.

The winner of the Golden Gagger will be announced at the end of the test season and presented with an auspicious prize, befitting the global status of G&GR (now followed by readers in nearly 64 countries. Well 6, so only 4 short of 64, but we’re growing) to the value of $37, perhaps more. It’s envisaged it will be a trophy/medal and a certificate entitling free G&GR access on a Friday. Naturally us fans can expect Wallaby performances to increase markedly as the players battle for the G&GR gong and lifetime bragging rights.

The plan is to have the Golden Gagger presented to the winner by ‘the best rugby writer at RA ever, definitely the most handsome and certainly one who should be paid a LOT more‘ (contractually agreed insert), Nathan Willamsburg, at test season’s end.

We will open regular voting for the Golden Gagger the Sunday after every test and voting will stay open until 6:00pm each Monday evening. Until then, simply click the drop down box for each point score, choose your player, pop in a name and email address (yes, we will data harvest and sell on the dark web. Just kidding, we’re not Optus), hit ‘submit’ and voila. In 2026 we will also have the same voting in place for the G&GR Australian Super Rugby PotY. Simples

Wallaby Player Voting: 2025 First Test v South Africa

Wallaby Player Voting: Second Test v South Africa

Clear and obvious, huh.

So a try is awarded and to overturn the try would mean the findings of ‘clear and obvious’ reason to do so, wouldn’t it? Can you see anything ‘clear or obvious’ in the above photo? I sure as spit can’t. Sure, I can see The Ginger Ninja’s hand hitting the pensioner’s hand, but ‘clear and obvious’ he hits the ball? Gimme a break.

For the record, there’s no way I would expect any MO in real time to make a correct and clear decision on the above. But, and it’s a big ‘but’, the decision from referee Doleman was to award an onfield try, so therefore the onus is on the TMO to clearly and decisively prove otherwise.

For the record, I am not saying this decision could have cost us the game. I am saying this, and the multiple and cynical infringements with the Toole/Kellaway attacking ruck and the non-ruling by all MOs, absolutely did cost us the game. Even Kiwi dignitary, Sir Nigel Owens, agrees with me here on planetrugby.com..

I guess you could say, technically we beat the Saffas 2-zip.

Friday’s Goss with Hoss.

Dog droppings.

So says Sir John Kirwan when appraising the Nearlies last outing against Los Pumas on planetrugby.com. RA, if you’re reading this, perhaps time to call a cabinet maker so we have somewhere to display the mug when we win it back this year. The times, they are a changin’.

Jordan of Nazareth, on tour.

Red, turned Seppo ball player, turned Frog rugby player. The life and times of Jordan Petaia. Interesting though that the young man has only signed for nine months with Perpignan, leaving him available for SR in ’27 and a crack at the Wallabies RWC squad. Welcome home JP. The Tahs have some openings.

Nobody’s money.

It seems nearly forgotten now, but with the war chest from the Lions tour and the operation of the Rugby Future Fund there are more solid, dare I say, ‘better’ financial times ahead. It even seems Nobody is putting his money in as well: afr.com has more.

£30 for a baby sitter?

Seems cheap! I once paid £200 for a French maid and extra for the gerbil. But thirty quid in the amateur days, what a rort. planetrugby.com has more.

Tahs title tilt.

rugby.com.au has the 2026 SR draw from an Oz perspective. Strangely, the Tahs start with a bye, then play the Drua and then have another bye. Go figure.

The full 2026 SR draw can be found here

Fantasy front-runners.

Don’t forget to get your tips in. You could even tell your mates you beat a former Wallaby, author and SMH dude lurking in 14th place

Until next week. Go the Wallaroos.

Hoss – out.