G’day G&GRs. The test season is back and there was more rugby on this weekend than you could poke a stick at. And no Yowie, that wasn’t a euphemism for anything.
So let’s dive in for another bumper edition, Brisney style (apologies to Tahs fan in advance). So pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk ruggers, God’s game!
Fiji 29 defeated Scotland 14
Flying Fijians fling Scots into the Suva sauna – That game was part dance, part demolition and all dazzling rugby from the Fijians. Yep, you read that right, Fiji 29, Scotland 14. It was hot, it was heavy, and it was high-octane fun, unless you’re Scottish in which case it was just humid and depressing.
In the tropical cauldron of Suva Fiji played like the rugby gods had blessed them with both thunder and lightning. Four cracking tries, some brutal hits and one absolute pearl from Jiuta Wainiqolo left the Scots scratching their heads, and their wounds. Add in a red card for Darcy Graham and you had the full Pacific Island hospitality experience: warm weather, warmer hits and an absolute roasting on the scoreboard.
Scotland, bless them, rolled out a B team so fresh it still had price tags dangling. Only one starter survived from the side that scraped past the Māori All Blacks last week, and boy did it show. They looked lively in minute three when Kyle Rowe crossed early doors, but things rapidly devolved from “promising” to “punishment.” They spent most of the match tackling air, giving away 15 penalties and missing 36 tackles like they were playing a game of touch footy on Bondi Beach.
Darcy Graham tried to set a new Guinness world record for most yellow cards in 60 Minutes, and succeeded, his second offence gifting Fiji a penalty try that iced the game. Captain Tevita Ikanivere bashed his way over off a maul, Kalaveti Ravouvou dotted down on the edge after some slick hands, and Wainiqolo? My word. The bloke danced through defenders like a man trying to avoid paying child support. One chip, one bounce, one try, thank you very much.
It was only Fiji’s third ever win over Scotland and all of them have come in Suva. Coincidence? Not likely. More like, “come to our house and get towelled up in the heat, pal.” As for Scotland, they’ll be counting injuries, yellow cards and regrets all the way to next week’s post-mortem.
Three things we learned
- Fiji + Suva = smoke show – There’s something magical about Fiji playing at home. The crowd, the heat, the confidence—they all combine to turn the Flying Fijians into a side that can out muscle and out dazzle Tier 1 nations. Their skill execution under pressure was a chef’s kiss.
- Discipline matters, especially when you have none – Darcy Graham’s double yellow summed up Scotland’s day: rushed, reckless, and riddled with poor decisions. You can’t win Tests when you spend half of it a man down and the other half back pedalling.
- Scotland’s depth? A bit shallow, actually – Sure, it was a rotated side, but you still expect a certain standard. This one looked barely Super Rugby ready let alone Test match fit. Gregor Townsend might have learned more than he wanted to here, mostly about who not to pick again.
Wales 31 defeated Japan 22
Relief in red: Wales snap horror streak in Kobe cauldron – After 18 months of dragging a grand piano uphill in a monsoon, Wales snapped their record-breaking 18-game losing streak downing Japan 31–22 in the sticky-sweaty pressure cooker of Kobe. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t clinical. Hell, it was barely convincing at times. But it was redemption, and that’ll do just fine for a side that’s been through more trauma than a Bledisloe decider in Auckland.
After bottling a half-time lead last week like a barista on his first shift, the Welsh boys looked set for a rerun when Japan mounted another spirited fightback. But a cool head from flyhalf Dan Edwards, on his debut, and a cheeky late try shut the door on the Brave Blossoms and, more importantly, slammed the lid on that stinking record.
First half fire, second half squeaky bum time – Wales came out swinging like a tourist at a Tokyo vending machine. Nine minutes in, Blair Murray made a sniping break and found Josh Adams lurking out wide. One dummy and he was over, easy as you like. Adams nearly bagged another midway through the half but fumbled the footy at the try line. Somewhere, Shane Williams winced.
Japan answered with a Seungsin Lee penalty, but the momentum stayed with the visitors. Kieran Hardy, doing his best impersonation of a greasy eel, wriggled his way over for a second. Japan’s Faulua Makisi then decided to take 10 in the bin and Wales took full advantage with Adams slicing through the line and setting up Hardy for his second. Just as the Welsh were starting to think about a comfortable break at oranges Japan sub Shuhei Takeuchi reminded everyone that these Brave Blossoms don’t do dead rubbers, bulldozing his way over as the half-time hooter blew.
The wobble returns… and then leaves again – The second half started with Edwards calmly slotting a penalty to stretch the lead, but you could almost hear the Welsh fans whispering “here we go again” as Warner Dearns stormed in for Japan’s second. Three minutes later, Dylan Riley picked off a loose pass and suddenly it was 24–22. You could cut the tension with a sushi knife.
However, the rugby gods had finally decided Wales had suffered enough. Edwards, earning just his third cap, stepped up in the 75th minute and sliced through the exhausted Japanese line, dotting down for the clincher. Not bad for a kid still figuring out where to park his boots in the team room.
Full-time: Wales 31 – Japan 22. Streak snapped. Dignity restored. And maybe, just maybe, hope rekindled.
Three things we learned
1. Dan Edwards has that dawg In him – Thrown into the hot seat for his first start, the 21-year-old flyhalf didn’t just survive, he took control. Calm under pressure, a try to seal it, and a boot that didn’t flinch. Wales may have found their new general.
2. Momentum is a fragile thing – Wales looked home and hosed at half-time, but one loose pass and some lazy defence nearly brought the nightmare back. Against top-tier sides that kind of wobble will cost you. But today? They held firm. Progress.
3. The weight Is off – There’s no stat heavier than eighteen straight Ls. That pressure kills confidence, breaks systems and poisons player belief. But now it’s gone. You could see it in the post-match huddle, Wales can finally breathe. And breathe, they must, South Africa loom next.
New Zealand 43 defeated France 17
Six of the best: All Blacks smoke Frogs in Wellington walloping -The mighty All Blacks turned a Test match into a training drill, this time giving a fledgling French outfit an absolute shellacking in the Cake Tin, 43–17. After their jittery escape act in Dunedin the ABs came out in Wellington like they’d been served double rations of Weet-Bix and pure spite. The men in black were sharper, nastier and altogether more polished, laying on six tries and turning the French into flaky pastry.
France, bless ‘em, rolled into town with a side flimsier than a soggy baguette. Fabien Galthié, clearly thinking ahead to the autumn, made 10 changes and fielded a squad that barely had enough caps to cover a Tupperware set with four debutants in the forward pack alone. It was men against garçons.
The first half? A black wave of carnage. Three tries from lineouts (yes, lineouts), including a silky-slick 30m dart from young Cam Roigard who ghosted through untouched like a thief in the night. Beaudy Barrett slotted an early three before heading to the bin for a cynical knock-on, vintage stuff, really. But even with 14 the All Blacks looked unbothered.
The French managed a lonely penalty through Nolann Le Garrec, but the ABs didn’t blink. Ardie Savea, leading like a man possessed, bashed his way over off a rolling maul, then turned playmaker from his own 60m line to spark a sweeping movement that ended with Tupou Vaa’i dotting down under the sticks. Clinical, brutal, and 29–3 at oranges.
Second half? More of the same, just with added substitutions and a few French sparks. Young Leo Barre crossed with some flair after les Bleus injected some fresh legs, but that joy was short-lived as Will Jordan reminded everyone he’s legally not allowed to play rugby without scoring. His 41st in 43 Tests. Good grief.
Rieko Ioane got in on the action too, bullocking over in the corner after yet another platform from the forwards. Joshua Brennan, one of the French debutants, had a rough old day with a yellow card for a dodgy lifting tackle, then a late consolation try. At least he’ll have something for the scrapbook.
Final score: All Blacks 43, France 17. Series done. Lesson learned: don’t send the Tadpoles into the lion’s den.
Three things we learned:
- Savea’s still a cheat code – With Scott Barrett out, Ardie Savea took the captain’s armband and went full beast mode. He was everywhere: trucking it up, bossing the breakdown, throwing offloads like he was at touch footy. That 60m break for the Vaa’i try was vintage Ardie.
- Roigard’s ready for the big stage – Cam Roigard looked born for Test rugby. Controlled tempo like a seasoned vet and scored a cracking try off a clever lineout play. New Zealand have a serious #9 in the pipeline to complement, or succeed, Aaron Smith and Finlay Christie.
- This wasn’t France’s best — not even close – 10 changes, four debutants, and a paper-thin cap count. This was more of a reconnaissance mission than a real contest. Les Bleus clearly have one eye on the Six Nations and another on squad depth. The scoreboard flattered them, honestly.
South Africa 45 defeated Italy 0
Springboks flatten Italians with 14 men and a barrel of biff – The Springboks took to Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium with a point to prove and, my word, did they deliver. Playing a man down for nearly an hour, the Bokke ran in seven tries to absolutely steamroll the Italians 45-blot. Yep, a duck egg. Not even a sniff at the uprights for the Azzurri.
It all kicked off (literally) with some typical South African trickery. The first kickoff was deliberately short of 10 metres in a cheeky bid to test the Italian scrum straight off the bat – didn’t quite pay off, but it set the tone: the Boks came to play dirty and dominate.
And dominate they did. Jasper Wiese must’ve confused this for a UFC undercard, planting a Glasgow kiss right into Danilo Fischetti’s head and earning himself an early shower in the 22nd minute with a glass of 🍷. That kind of brain snap would’ve derailed most teams. Not these Springboks. They already had two meat pies by then and decided they might as well go for the family-sized banquet.
Even down to 13 men for a spell after Wilco Louw copped a 🧀 for another head clash, the Boks still rumbled over. Like a front-rower at a buffet, once they’d started, they weren’t stopping. The maul was humming, the forwards were rumbling and the backs were throwing it around like it was beach footy at Clifton 4th.
Edwill van der Merwe was everywhere, finishing twice and nearly bagging a hatty if not for a dodgy forward pass. No stress, though, the forwards did their bit and Malcolm Marx got the chocolates off a textbook Bokke lineout drive. It wasn’t just bash and barge though, we saw Le Roux pulling strings in his 100th Test like a seasoned conductor, Ox Nche absolutely dismantling scrums and Canan Moodie charging through defenders like they owed him money.
The Italians? Bless ’em. They were gutsy but green, 10 players with only one cap to their name. They never looked like scoring, never looked settled and, frankly, never looked ready for what was coming. After last week’s mild embarrassment in Pretoria this was the big Bokke flex: a ‘don’t poke the bear’ message with a foot firmly planted on the throat.
Three things we learned
- Red cards mean nothing to the Bokke machine – Jasper Wiese’s headbutt should’ve been the turning point, but the Springboks lifted after he left. Down to 14 (and even 13 for a bit), they scored freely and held the Italians to zip. Ruthless. Relentless. Ridiculous.
- Depth for days – Only seven players backed up from last week and still South Africa trotted out 11 World Cup winners, looking more cohesive than most teams at full strength. That’s some scary squad depth heading into 2025.
- Italy are still a work in progress – Let’s not be too harsh, but the Azzurri are still on their L-plates. There’s potential in that squad, however, they looked lost, lacked polish, and couldn’t convert anything into pressure. Promising individuals, but not yet a team to rattle the top dogs.
England 22 defeated Argentina 17
England 22 – Argentina 17: van Poortvliet snatches it Late in San Juan – In a match tighter than a hipster’s jeans in Newtown, it was England’s Jack van Poortvliet who played the role of ice man in the Andes, darting over with less than two minutes to go to pinch a 22–17 win for the tourists. That late meat pie sealed a 2–0 series win and England’s sixth win on the trot, their best run in half a decade. Borthwick’s mob weren’t perfect, but they were clinical when it counted.
With their co-captain Jamie George ruled out just hours before kickoff due to a Lions call-up England looked like they might wobble. Theo Dan stepped in at hooker, and young centre Luke Northmore – who had only got his boots out of the box – set up Seb Atkinson with a peach of a ball after just four minutes. George Ford, who now has a bus pass and 100 Tests under his belt, iced the extras and then helped steer the ship despite not having his usual lieutenant beside him.
Argentina were gritty and showed flashes of flair – Lucio Cinti and Nacho Mendy both bagged tries – and went to the sheds 17–14 up after taking advantage of England’s patchy discipline and some soft edge defence. But the wheels slowly fell off for the Pumas in the second stanza. Ill-discipline reared its head again, and when Pablo Matera copped a yellow with 20 to go you could feel the momentum shift. England sniffed blood.
But it wasn’t all roses for the Roses. Despite plenty of pill and good field position, they couldn’t convert for love nor money, until Guy Pepper burst through a hole the size of Buenos Aires traffic and offloaded to van Poortvliet who slid over to break Argentine hearts and spark some stiff-upper-lip celebrations.
Three things we learned
- England’s depth is slowly taking shape – With key figures like Jamie George out and Henry Slade injured, England blooded new names like Northmore and didn’t miss a beat. That’s the kind of depth Borthwick’s been crying out for. It’s far from perfect, but the kids are alright.
- The Pumas are their own worst enemies – Argentina showed heart, hustle and flashes of brilliance, but discipline absolutely killed them. A 🧀 to Matera, silly penalties at crucial moments and a drop in intensity post-half-time. It’s a story we’ve heard too many times before.
- George Ford might be ageing, but he’s still England’s conductor – He may look like your mate’s dad who runs the local hardware store, but Ford was once again the glue. His vision, tactical kicking and calm head under pressure remain invaluable, and if England are going to kick on from here he’ll be central to it.
Ireland 106 defeated Portugal 7
Ireland dish out a Lobos lashing in Lisbon – Best you buckle up because the boys in green just served up a Guinness-fuelled flogging in Lisbon that’ll be giving Portuguese rugby nightmares for a decade. Yep, despite sending half their squad to cuddle koalas with the Lions in Australia, Ireland still had enough left in the tank to post a lazy 106-7 win over Portugal, in what was supposed to be a “Test” match. The only thing tested was the scoreboard operator’s stamina.
16—yes, 16—tries later, and Paul O’Connell’s Baby Greens had smashed every record in sight. The Irish backroom staff must’ve run out of sharpies trying to keep up. The last time Ireland put this many points on a team the USA were still trying to figure out what a ruck was (that was in 2000, if you’re playing at home). New caps Hugh Gavin and Shayne Bolton decided debut nerves were for cowards and grabbed two meat pies each while their Connacht clubmate Cian Prendergast got in on the action with a brace, just to keep the dressing room banter honest. Tommy O’Brien on the wing had his own highlight reel, and poor Portugal were still warming up when Ireland had four tries on the board by the 14-minute mark.
Flyhalf Jack Crowley took out a lease on the kicking tee, slotting 12 out of 15 conversions, and just to rub salt in the codfish, the ref even threw in a penalty try. Talk about charity. Portugal, bless ’em, finally crossed the chalk through flanker Nicolas Martins midway through the second half, and it was greeted with all the enthusiasm of a lotto win in downtown Lisbon. But let’s be real, this was a mugging in broad daylight. The Lobos were shredded, and not in the good “gym body” way. They’ve now had more coaches than wins since the World Cup and looked like they were auditioning for a “how not to defend” instructional video.
Still, hats off to Ireland. With the top brass sipping flat whites in Bondi while picking out new tattoos, this second-string outfit played like a Test team with something to prove—and boy, did they.
Three things we learned
1. Ireland’s depth Is scary good – If this is what they look like without 17 Lions, heaven help the rest of us when the A-team is back. From one to 15 this side didn’t miss a beat. Ireland’s production line of talent just keeps rolling, like a Guinness keg on a bender.
2. Portugal are in crisis mode – From World Cup darlings to cannon fodder in under a year. Three coaches in three years and not a defensive structure in sight. Os Lobos need a reset, and fast, or they risk becoming Europe’s loveable losers again.
3. Paul O’Connell can coach – Big Paulie has the charisma of a granite countertop, but you can’t argue with the results. Two from two on tour, with slick systems and players stepping up. He’s making a case to be more than just a stand-in.
British & Irish Lions 46 defeated Australia and New Zealand 0
Well, what a major disappointment this game turned out to be for the fans. If you haven’t already done so, read RAWF’s excellent match review here.
The BILs and RA would’ve pocketed a substantial amount of cash from this game, but that’s about the only positive thing from it. This was an important game, and something I’d like to see continue; it has a lot of potential.
My biggest gripe is that with only three training sessions for the Aus NZ team cohesiveness (for want of a better word) was never going to be great. This would be a better first game hit out for the BILs when their cohesiveness is at a similar level. After four solid hit outs against the Super Rugby franchises the BILs are starting to get their 💩 in one sock.
I reckon this format could be a BIL equivalent with Australia and New Zealand forming an ANZAC team to tour the Northern Hemisphere every four years, a “reverse BIL” if you get my drift. I think this is something Aus and NZ fans would love, and use as an excuse to tour the UK and watch some rugby. Just like the BIL fans are touring here, spending the hard earned GBP and euros. But let’s not leave this as a one off, let’s invest in it and set it up properly and lean into it.
Anyway, enough of this old man jibbering crap. Over to you G&GRs. Have at it!
