Greetings earthlings and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. How good is it to be a Wallaby fan and say it out loud for a change? It’s fun and actually kinda cool again.
But no time for idle chatter. Greatness beckons, so let’s strut right in first up with ‘Imagine’. Quickly revisit the Wallabies previous outing in ‘Beached Wales’. Enjoy a favourite rugby daytime soap with ‘Youngs & The Restless’. Make a bid to keep a loved one in our warm embrace as we say ‘Don’t Go St Joe’. Get ready for a big weekend of rugby viewing with ‘Square Eyes’ before hopping onboard a UK bound Boeing 787 Dreamliner, business class of course, for ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, courtesy of Member for Qantas, Mr Upgrade himself, Anthony Travelese.
Imagine.
Now, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. For come full time against Scotland, our Wallabies are going to be 3-zip on the Northern Tour and together, stand in the shadows of greatness.
Not since Mark Ella, and some other guys who apparently did sweet FA in 1984, have our Wallabies had such an opportunity to claim that which has eluded all bar one side in the history of the game in Oz. And all that stands between them and a perfect three from three is not the opposition, oh no, no, no, no, no; it’s their mastery of the 6 inches of grey stuff residing between their collective ears. And that, fellow Gaggers is where the greatest challenge and indeed, the greatest rewards truly lie.
For too long the Wallabies have been, ahem, ‘mentally compromised’ when it came to moments that matter. There, I said it. It’s not an infliction created by this side, more inherited by sides in gold for nigh on a decade. But this lot has the chance not just to eradicate it, but to cremate it, nuke it and launch it into deep space, where it will be forgotten in time and loiter for an eternity.
Slated by all and sundry before they left our golden shores. Written off by friend and foe alike, yet here they stand, on the cusp of greatness. A chance to go ‘threefa’ and then only the rugby team formerly known as Ireland awaits in what would be a doddle. And all that stands in their way this week is a tiny northern English village famous for men wearing dresses, copying bourbon and claiming it as their own and giving the world McDonald’s: The United Nations of Rugby, Scotland.
With 6 Saffas. 4 Aussies, a few PI transients on backpacking holidays playing for free board, a Canadian, 2 Lithuanians, 3 homeless guys and 1 Scot in their team they truly are an international rugby kaleidoscope. And sure, they may have a mercurial #10 in their side, capable of audacious rugby cunning and flare in Finn Russell (a quick Google search shows his name in Celtic translates as ‘Carlos Spencer’). But McRiddle me this: when has he ever used said abilities to win something for his side that matters? Sure they’ve beaten Romania, or the Czech Republic or whomever it is they play in the 6N. But where is he in the rugby moments that matter? Where is he when there are titles to be won? Where is he when greatness beckons? Where is he when World Cup semis are on the line? Answer: nowhere.
Should the Wallabies master their emotions, master their anxiety, master their convictions and their emotional maturity, then they will head to Ireland with the Grand Slam dream still alive. In doing so it will set up the greatest week of rugby anticipation since the RWC final of 2015, when the whole nation was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. And nearly every Australian was talking about the Wallabies and rugby union. How good would that anticipation and adrenalin shot be for our game again?
Imagine.
Beached Wales.
Ok, so it’s been a week and much has been said about the Principality pounding. But not enough has been said about the performance of Noah Lolesio.
I’ll go against the grain here and say, I don’t mind the STAN commentary and coverage. So what if it’s a little parochial? How long has rugby sucked down under? Aren’t we entitled to a little swagger in our walk for once – huh? It’s been over 20 years since we had any meaningful success after all.
It was the man who ate Morgan Turinui who first got my attention to the effort and slight change to Lolesio’s game when he referred to how still Noah was before receipt of pill. In remaining more static at first, it also anchored the opposition D. It gave Lolesio more ability in creating time and space for those lethal attackers outside him to unleash their skill set. And unleash they did.
Noah had his most complete performance in a Wallaby jumper. He delivered the perfect variety in his own game of run, pass, kick and made those around him shine. Few would argue he’s anywhere near the complete product. But thanks to St Joe and co for their consistent selections, for giving players confidence and belief, Lolesio is showing growth in his game.
Last week Lolesio had more touches than Alan Jones (allegedly) and the Wallaby side and us fans all benefitted. His ability to effectively beach Wales was special to watch.
Bring on Scotland.
Youngs & The Restless.
If the last two weeks has proven anything it’s that Ben Youngs was completely and utterly correct. Based on irrefutable evidence that even a Kiwi could grasp, Youngs assertions that next year’s FUKIRs tour to Oz won’t be competitive is not only insightful, it’s deeply rooted in sound logic and empirical evidence. As recent events have bore witness, the four home nations are complete and utter shite at rugby. Imagine trying to pick the best players from all four sides? Would their be enough to rustle up a starting XV? You could forget a match day XXIII, that much is clear.
So far this autumn, in matches of the Rugby Championship sides v the North, the rolling score is 7-2. And those two Ws to the NH sides have rather questionable match official decisions to thank for the wins. The Hossecution offers into evidence:
Question: How is it a neck roll, for example, when you don’t touch the neck and you don’t roll them?
Answer: When Marius Jonker is TMO, that’s how.
Indeed one could reasonably argue that if the quality and execution of the match officials matched the quality and execution of the play, the south could reasonably expect to be 9-0 up and assuredly, the northern rugby skies would be falling.
So FRN salutes you, Mr Youngs. You had the audacity, foresight, vision and steely reserve to say what none of us would’ve, or could’ve, envisioned in October: that the north completely and utterly blows chunks at rugby. Further, it’s obviously a salient waste of time bringing the Lions down here as a collective touring side. Indeed, at time of print this writer hears that so restless are RA surrounding the financial implications that they are looking to sell off the Lions Tour hosting rights to Estonia. Who at this point have offered three prized goats, 12 litres of potato schnapps and 113 euro as compensation. While RA and the Estonian Ruby Union Federation of Estonia (ERUFE) finalise paperwork, RA are looking to invite the Taranaki third XV to tour instead.
Watch this space.
Don’t Go, St Joe.
With growing Wallaby success comes increasing chatter about St Joe only being contracted to the Wallabies until the end of next year’s BIL tour. St Joe himself touches on the need for certainty and a decision about his Wallaby future by early December. The SMH has the full story.
Apart from being a terrific coach, Schmidt is perhaps the most loved Kiwi in Australia since Split Enz. Certainly more than Russell Crowe, well since he got fat anyway. Before that he was Aussie Russ.
St Joe speaks of his son, who suffers epilepsy, and his desire to be a family unit while balancing his love for being a coach. Joe, I know you’ll be reading Fridays, as usual (thanks for the lovely card and flowers, appreciate it), but there’s ample space at The Ponderosa, the rates are reasonable and it would be my pleasure to host you and yours until the end of 2027. Just say it ain’t so, St Joe.
Square Eyes
Fill up the fridge and buy bucket loads of salsa, it’s wall to wall rugby this weekend. All matches are live on STAN and all times listed are AEDT (real Australian time, not one hour behind, simpleton times)
Saturday, 23 November France v Argentina 7.00am – Fearless prediction: France to do very French things and implode. FISMs by 5.
Sunday, 24 November
Ireland v Fiji 2.00am. Ireland by 12, but after a fright.
Wales v South Africa 4.30am. Saffas to declare at halftime and still not get run down.
Italy v NZ 6.15am. NZ to farewell two legends in style. ABs by 35.
Monday, 25 November Scotland v Australia 12.00am (midnight AEDT). Will our Wallabies win by 32 this week? No chance, only by 15.
England v Japan 3.00am. Who cares? 75-all and both coaches sacked afterwards. Maaaaaaate.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Doctors Do Little?
What’s with Dr Doleman, medical ref extraordinaire? One minute the Wallabies have a penalty for Beefy Botham’s progeny not rolling away, next minute it’s not a penalty as Beefy Junior’s Junior was clearly knocked out. Then it’s no, he wasn’t knocked out, he was stunned, then no HIA from real doctors, and then a scrum to Wallabies. Confused much?
Arrivederci
Special shout out to two AB legends who sign off their international careers this weekend. The match against the Italians will be the last in the now mostly white All Black jersey for Sam Cane and TJ Perenara.
As a rugby fan, I could never understand why Cane wasn’t more warmly embraced by Kiwi fans, his only crime was not being Richie. A centurion with 100+ tests, a successful skipper in that classic AB humble, hard working mould, I think he was vastly underrated and under appreciated. Similarly Perenara, possibly one of rugby’s greatest competitors, fierce, fast and always in the battle. He, too, will call time this weekend. Both players will sail off into the Japanese sunset and top up their supers for what lays ahead for their post-rugby journeys.
Go well, Messrs Cane and Perenara. Good luck and good health for the future. stuff.co.nz has more
Red Whine.
OK, it’s old news. But there ain’t no way, there ain’t no how that Kerevi’s tackle is ever anything above a yellow card incident. You must be plum crazy to watch that incident from ANY ANGLE AVAILABLE (like these on WWOS) and tell me, with a straight face, there are no mitigating circumstances that merit that tackle meeting the red card threshold.
Worst judiciary decision in an age. Morons.
Cold shrivels Big Willy.
It must be cold when Big Willy shrivels in the Scottish tundra. A sudden and freezing cold snap has hit Edinburgh this week forcing the Wallabies to train on artificial turf as other training fields had literally frozen. The Wallabies are adjusting their training and preparation due to the bleak and unpleasant conditions usually only experienced in places like Scotland. Trust the Scots to arrange Scottish weather for this week’s test. No wonder the Romans didn’t want the place.
Omen.
Little known fact: should Tom ‘Diamonds’ Wright continue his try scoring run against Scotland this week and The Paddies the next, well, he’ll equal one Mark Ella. I love a good omen. Except for Omen III, that was shit, they shouldn’t have killed off Gregory Peck.
Haggis Beaters
Not only the name of Scotland’s favourite a capella group, but also the name of the Wallabies side to be revealed at 3.00am tomorrow morning. We’ll post an article on G&GR when known.
G&GR has you covered this weekend with Nutta doing a possible interactive preview/review for Scotland v Wallabies. Keith will be sucking on the sushi for England v Japan. And Mr Yowser will be all guns blazing for the Italy v NZ match review. If it happens in global rugby, you’ll see it here on G&GR. Eventually. Maybe.
Until next week. Go you golden things. Hoss – out.
