Author: Nutta

Underfed front-rower with no speed or ball skills. Started playing footy in the 70's and still going. Can't remember the last time I passed on a ball, beer or karaoke mike. Motto - "Meat and potatoes first. Then gravy. And you don't put gravy on the plate first Boy."

It’s one of my favourite scenes of all time; “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his Brothers Keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, all who attempt to poison and destroy my Brothers.” It actually isn’t Ezekiel 25:17. But it’s close enough. Why am I sprouting Jules the…

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Oh how Saturday night felt familiar. I ranted and raved on Saturday night and into Sunday and then into Monday – just like previous years. I railed at the tv screen with indignant cries of “Oh F… me Peyper! What game are you watching!?!?” – just like previous annual episodes. I was like so many other thousands of Wobbly rugby fans all over the nation full of loathing, gnashing of teeth and playing our seasonal game of Déjà vu. So then I simply drank more and chased dreamless bliss… I had to wait until today to try and strip out…

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Red Wine Rugby… let it mature a bit. And it helps when you have a good cellar… Following the first Irish test, a few fellow pundits on this noble site were effusive in their excitement over a lot of stuff; a win, quality of defence, maturity at critical moments, effectiveness of play etc. Amongst the joy was positivity around the depth off the bench and a number of players including young Tupou’s performance. And I well-support the enthusiasm. I think the yungfella did well especially when considering the calibre of the talent he was scrumming against. But the enthusiasm to…

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Just gently reminding folk that this is not original work. This is a caboodle of connotation and curlicue cobbled together from over my 5 odd decades of lies, deceit and lucky escapes playing this wonderful game the world over and, oddly enough, listening to the same laughs, gripes and frustrations regardless of the language, accent or geography – from Stuttgart, Constantinople, Glasgow, Limerick or Wagga and many indiscernible places in-between. It’s nothing more than the random thoughts of a never-was (so can’t be a ‘has-been’) mixed in with outright plagiarism of those who clearly know better as we consider the…

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Continuing the continuum of a Frontie now considering the Fairies; meandering among the inexplicable… This week we contemplate the guy called First Five, Five Eight, Fly Half, Outside Half or any one of a plethora of idiotic, nonsensical names that have little in-common with each other then conjoined to mean even less. What this confirms is that no one really knows, cares or comprehends what the guy who wears No10 is there for. Personally I prefer the term Standoff because I find them, well, standoffish. Positioned next in the backline after the No9, the Standoff has the 2nd highest touch-count in the…

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The little Prop just could not sleep because his thoughts were way too deep, his mind had gone out for a stroll and fallen down the rabbit hole… Continuing the adventure with Half, Scrum-Half, Half-Back, Smart-Half, Half-Hole… whatever. They wear 9. Some may find it surprising, but I like 9. The true first-principles of their role heartens me on so many levels. If only the incumbents were generally worthy of the love… See the 9 is a midget among giants and it truly takes a mad bravery to do as they do. And thus they deserve love. They carry tremendous…

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Continuing the anti-intellectual meandering by the never-was-so-can’t-be-a-has-been, and turning to discuss the enigma closing out the back Row, securing the back of the lineout and locking the scrum together; therefore clearly explaining why this joker is called No8. Unfortunately there’s really not much to say about this fella as they are simply excess baggage. And they know it. But they are good fun to have about. For instance, No8 is supposed to jump at the back of the lineout. But given bugger-all Hookers can actually see, let alone throw that far, it’s more a training-paddock oddity than game-time reality. Truth…

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And the journey continues… This week it’s the 6&7. Originally called Wing-Forwards, the guys wearing 6&7 understandably developed a complex and agitated for a name change. Everyone else agreed because Wing-Forward rhymed with nothing. That’s why they are now called Flankers. Flankers are interesting because they are such a contradiction. They will tell you they are indispensable. They will also tell you about the breathtaking spread of skills they are expected to possess. However anytime anyone cops a yellow card, the first person benched is a Flanker and in-terms of demonstrated skill-spread well let’s reflect for a moment on the…

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For those wondering WTF this is all about, I’m periodically giving my observations on the various attributes of the folk one may meet on the a-typical rugby park. We’re on a roll after Props and Hooker and I’m currently waiting for a stocktake variance report to run so I’ll take a time-out from the invigorating ne’er-a-dull-moment world of inventory management and tackle another position. This time: Locks. Locks wear No’s 4&5. They play in the second row, behind the front row and surrounded by the back row. That is why they are called Locks. Locks are the true dreamers of all…

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Last week we covered 1&3. This week we split the difference… Hooker is the weird member of the Fronties-family. The merry little chap in the No2 generally spends his time muttering to himself, dreaming up dastardly ways to murder enemies (not always opponents and often Backs on his own side) and they have strange penchants for interpretative dance of which we may catch glimpses at lineout time when preparing to throw & at rucks when he thinks no-one is looking. Physically these chaps are a mixed mob. As the role requires little other than blind, reckless courage and disregard for…

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Every now and again someone is silly/inebriated/idiotic/demented enough to ask for my opinion on something. Fools. And every now and again I’m asked about my opinion regarding the types of people you may find playing Rugby. So, in the immortal words of my Old Man “Be careful what you ask for Boy because you just might get it.” And so I’ll share my opinion and dish out ‘Rugby Positions Described’ for a few weeks just to fill the void and have a laugh. I do not claim this as original work. Some of it is. But most of it is stolen…

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Excuse me Mr Cheika? One question please Sir? Just what the hell do you think you’re doing? There are some things I just don’t get: Horwill reselected after the last 2yrs of performances? You kidding me? Lock pairing of Horwill & Skelton? What the? Only 2 accepted jumpers going into a test (Horwill & Fardy)? Reselecting Palu? Pocock on the bench behind Hooper? And I haven’t even started on the Backs yet… But here’s the thing: if a coach selects a wild-card (like Quade at 10) and the gamble pays off then he is a legend. If it doesn’t then…

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Along with a lot of others I read the Shute Shield results of Eastwood vs Penrith over last weekend with a mix of incredulity, a bit of sorrow for the Penrith boys and an extra dose of chagrin after the Super results of the weekend. But then it also got me thinking about the health and direction of Sydney rugby in general. The Premier Sydney Shute Shield competition (let’s just call it Shute to keep it simple) used to be touted as the best club rugby in the world. Not so long ago (the 80’s and the early 90’s) the best…

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Matt Rowley wrote an interesting piece on the state of Aussie rugby recently. I largely agreed with him. I started typing a reply. But on reviewing before posting I realized it was a mess of my various whinges about all sorts of things. So in-line with my new year’s resolution to be more positive I thought to start by not complaining but by suggesting alternatives. I thought I would throw up some ideas on what I will do to fix rugby in Australia when it finally becomes “The Republic of Nutta” (the revolution is coming…). So I hereby put forward…

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I need to be up-front. I am not a fan of yours. I never really have been. That’s not your fault. It’s my problem. I have been critical of Australian rugby’s development of what I call ‘proper fronties’ (or distinct lack thereof) over recent years. Matt Dunning and then you came to emulate everything I was finding frustrating. Maybe it was unfair. Actually no, it was unfair. But you became the focus of my angst at the bigger picture and I confess to regularly giving you in particular a fair spray (which I’m sure you heard through a TV screen…

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Back in the mid-1980s – a glorious time of proper lineouts, ridiculous haircuts and crap music – I was a young snapper just starting to play senior rugby in country NSW. I had a coach who was a cliched sheep farmer with an amazing knowledge of the game and a broad drawl that I could tell hundreds of anecdotes about. Well, we had a game come up against the zone champions – they were massive, fast, skilled, undefeated, blah blah blah… we had no form to think we could win, but sure as shite we weren’t going to be beaten…

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