Welcome to our new regular feature where our guest agony aunt Bakkies “Baby Eater” Botha will apply his considerable life coaching and conflict resolution skills to solving your problems. Our first letter to Bakkies comes from New Zealand.
I am a very well known and dashingly good looking international referee who has been tragically dealt some unfair blows recently.
Like any kiwi man, woman or child, I enjoy a drink or two because, let’s face it, there’s fuck all else to do over here. This was part of my flamboyant persona over the years, as I stamped it onto some of the most important international rugby games of modern times.
I’d go as far as to say more often than not people were turning up or tuning into games more so that they could see and hear me, rather than the players. However, the powers that be rarely admitted the importance of my role. Jealousy I guess.
Anyway, the drinking all got a little out of hand when I turned up pissed at the morning of a SANZAR referees conference. I swear no-one would have known except for the bottle of vodka I’d forgotten I was carrying, the chunder down one leg, and that I’d made ‘the elephant’ with my cock and trouser pockets.
But get this, apart from paying me a wage while I drank my ring out for the last couple of years and went from “controversy to controversy”, the NZRFU have done fuck all to help me and have given me the arse, simply for turning up pissed to work.
How unsupportive is that? Bakkies, what should I do?
SW from the Shaky (the DTs are a shocker) Isles
Dear Mr Ref
This year I may have some sympathy with you since we have ref rankings in place. If it was last year I would have pray for you because you lot gave me enough grieve in Australia and nearly drive me to the same thing.
Hell I nearly end up with a Wallaby eye in my rugby bar collection due to you Kiwi lot. Growing up at Secunda in the East Rand , I sure know all about doing nothing, but that havent drive me to alcohol, end up with a bigger cock, only toy I had as a kid.
The best advice I can give you is to change glass with cock and end up on a high!