Slatts’ Shout: The Macca’s Index

Slatts’ Shout: The Macca’s Index

The Macca’s Search for TBJ Index gives us greater clarity and understanding in world rankings

You know how there is a Macca’s in all the countries attending the search for TBJ. I bettchya you didn’t know that, or was even inclined to think about it. Well, that’s my special gift. Anyhoo, aren’t we all living in a better world, for that.

Know, I remembered from undergrad uni work that there’s a Big Mac Index, and from memory it’s got somethin’ to do with purchasing power across the nations (I could be wrong and I’m too lazy to look it up!).

Anyhoo, based on slurpin’ a coupla XXXXs watchin’ the footy after consuming some Ronald for lunch, I got to thinking that we could combine the two factoids (there being a Maccas in each country and the Big Mac Index), and come up another way of tiering the rugby countries across the world. Or at least rename the ranking and pick up a new sponsor at the same time.

Keeping it simple, we’ll work with four of Ronald’s offerings: the Big Mac, the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, the Cheeseburger and Filet-O-Fish.

Now we all know that the Big Mac is the number one bestest item on the Macca’s menu. And the number one worstest is the Filet-O-Fish. I fluff in the general direction of anyone who goes to Maccas and purchases a non-beef product. Give yourself an uppercut, losers! But I digress.

In between we have the Quarter Pounder with Cheese and the Cheeseburger.

So national teams will be classed within either the Big Mac (tier one), the Quarter Pounder (tier two), the Cheeseburger (tier three), and for the ones that really suck, the Filet-O-Fish (tier four).

Soooo, what we need to do then is categories them within their tiers, and that’s done with the help of the Meal Deal. Sooooo, for say the All Blecks, as number one on current rankings, they’d be the Big Mac Meal Deal Large of the rugby world. Australia, as number two would be the Big Mac Meal Deal Medium.

Second tier would be Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal Deal Large of the rugby world, and so on, and so on. Now, for teams a bit further down the rugby hierarchy, the ones that really suck, they’ll be classed in the Filet-O-Fish tier. Now, you can’t tell me having that product associated with your national squad is not motivation enough to move up the list.

For mine, it just gives a greater level of clarity and understanding of the one’s position in the world of rugby. And it has usefulness across persons who are not rugby people. Who wouldn’t know the difference between Big Mac Meal Deal Large and a Cheeseburger? Or a Quarter Pounder Meal Deal and a Filet-O-Fish? Bloody no one! That’s who.

I’ve got my bloody cranky pants on, people! The IRB can kiss my bum, too!

Officer Cranky Pants in My Photos by The IRB generates most of its money through the search for TBJ, and the majority of this money is from broadcast rights fees. The majority (I think it’s something in the 90% range) of this money is then directed to development of the Quarter Pounder Meal Deal and Cheeseburger tiers of the game.

So there’s the rub. The IRB direct lottsa dosh in developing lower tiered nations and then roger them with impossible schedules at the very championships they are developing them for. Some irony.

It’s like the Missus bagging me for not wanting to leave the couch after she buys these expensive ones that are really, really, really comfortable! It’s not my fault, she’s created the problem, as I see it. Maybe not so similar, I’ve been waiting for ages on that ‘bit’ — its time had come.

It’s a difficult situation for the IRB, but surely-Shirley it’s just not acceptable. It’s arresting the development of these Quarter Pounder Meal Deal and Cheeseburger  nations. They won’t get true increase in profile and interest (from participation and corporates) by winning the Pacific Five Nations and Euro Comps (playing each other, for example). It’ll come from victories in the search for TBJ!

Look, I don’t think this has any racist undertones at all. Mainly because capitalism and the search for markets are not racist. In fact it’ll exploit anyone and everyone, irrespective of their colour, race, and religion. It just takes demographics (and maybe a bitta psychographics) very, very, very, very, very seriously.

It’s a disappointing result for this tournament that at its most crucial of stages, it’s all white-bread-meat-n-three-veg-fish-n-chips-n-spag-bol usual suspects.



Former World Cup winning Wallaby and QLD Reds' Captain, ‘Slatts’, has been very busy (mostly hangin’ out in Far-Northern-Japan, singin’ Karaoke and drinkin’ Nihonshyu) since his retirement from the game in the late 1990’s. Always keen for a yarn, and an opinion or two, Slatts is rugby commentary’s best keep secret. Dashingly HANDSOME and very intelligent-he’s one for the ladies!

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