Front Rower Porn

There was a man, and Kepu was his name. He started life in the back row, though he never quite felt… close enough. Then one day he was moved closer. Things began to seem right, like he was suddenly where he belonged. Unfortunately, his was a raw power. Untamed and uncontrolled, he lacked the direction to be effective.

But then, through a series of events, fate moved the chess pieces in a way that no mortal man could hope to understand. When the dust had settled, there holding the reins of mighty Kepu was the Prop Whisperer, Foles. Michael Foley took the raw power that was Kepu and made him a Beast to destroy Beasts, a Myth to unravel Myths. With his front row brothers Taf and the Cat, there was no pack that could withstand their awesome power. It was the coming of Kepu.

Seriously though, Sekope Kepu has proved a revelation this year. We always knew he was strong, but his past work has been a bit hit-and-miss. His strength and technique are now coming together and he is able to dominate his opponents. His combination with the rest of the Tahs front row is good, and he has been able to do good work from both sides when required. I don’t feel this is coming at too much cost to his work around the field either. This is a great asset, both at the Tahs and at the Wallabies. Anyway, enough chit-chat, just watch…

Our insurer insisted we issue the following disclaimers before you click play on this video.

1. If you are a back, turn the volume down as the lyrics may offend.
2. If you are a rugby league fan, click the back button immediately, as a contest at scrum time is a concept you could not possibly comprehend. There are no group hugs, just a genuine contest for possession won by technique and strength.
3. If you are a front rower, please make sure you have a spare set of undies. We deny all responsibility for any mess created as a result of this video.

 

The scrum whisperer from greenandgoldrugby on Vimeo.

Front Rower Pr0n from greenandgoldrugby on Vimeo.

By the numbers

The numbers below are from Fox Sports Fantasy Rugby.

	Minutes	Long Arm Penalties	Tight heads won	Tight heads lost
Sekope Kepu	682	10	7	3
Benn Robinson	451	8	6	1
Alastair Baxter	448	5	4	2
Jeremy Tilse	2	0	1	0
Paddy Ryan	17	1	0	0
Tatafu Polota-Nau	408	1	3	1
Damien Fitzpatrick	226	3	3	2
John Ulugia	110	1	2	0

Opponent	Tight heads won	Tight heads lost
Rebels
Reds
Crusaders	1	2
Cheetahs	1
Brumbies	2
Chiefs	1
Force	1
Blues	1	1
Reds	1
Rebels	1

Note: This article was a collaborative effort between Moses (video, disclaimer, stats) and MrTimms (intro).