Friday’s Rugby News.

Friday’s Rugby News.

‘We’re not gonna take it’

Week #4 of SRTT rolls around and it’s high time Aussie sides, to a man, stopped the shite, stood up and said ‘we’re not gonna take it’

Show us you care.

‘Stay Hungry’ – do whatever it takes to inspire your team!

Stay Hungry!

Are we, as a proud rugby nation, going to be pushed around, bullied, subjugated and ridiculed by those from some poxy little rocky outcrops?

I mean for god’s sake, their nation resembles pimples on the arse of the Pacific! Is that to be our lot? That this ‘smear’ on the undies of the globe are to continue to be be our rugby overlords?

Well no more GAGR’s. This fan has had enough and calls for the Captains of our 4 sides, sorry, forgot the Force, our 5 sides to take a stand and send us Oz Rugby fans a ‘coded message’ in their pre-game interviews to show that a fire lurks within.

I call on JOC2.0, Two-Cows, The Commissioner, 7A’s and whoever is Captain of that Western side to use the phrase ‘Stay Hungry’ during their pre-match interviews.

Show us you’re listening, show us the fire burns within, a fire equal parts desire, intent and seething ambition. Show us that you will stick it to the Kiwi’s for the full 85 minutes if needed. Show us some true Aussie fight, spirit & endeavour, show us, that we, the scarred Oz Rugby fans matter. Show us you’re not gonna take it.

‘Stay Hungry’

‘Now drop & give me 20’

At least Sharpies had a purpose.

At least Sharpies kick had a purpose I could understand.

‘Stupid is as Stupid does’

Attack and/or kicking coaches of Oz Rugby listen up.

Are you all stupid ? No, then………….


I am a rugby boof-head and only know a handful of rugby truths:

1. Your team can’t score without the ball

2. Kiwi players love receiving broken field kicks – it’s mana from heaven to them

3. The Kiwi sides are cunning and very, very rugby-clever. They present ‘an alternate reality’ to you to make it appear there is room in behind them. They want you to kick, they dare you to kick, more than that they ARE banking on you kicking AND they have already planned their response in anticipation of your kick.

4. Refer rules 1-3.

Over three rounds of TT I have seen more aimless kicks by Australian sides than at a kids Under 6’s Soccer Gala Day.

It’s embarrassing.

The kicks are usually the ‘option of last resort’ from Aussie teams ‘programmed to attack over 4-5 phases only’. These kicks serve only two purposes, that I can tell:

1. You’ve run out of ideas – which also feeds the Kiwi confidence that they ‘have your number’ &

2. These kicks also act as the catalyst, or fuel, for the igniting the attacking fires that lurk within the hearts of the sheep-shagger’s and oblige they do.

Here’s a tip – for free. Hold the pill.

Stress & fatigue the defence physically & mentally. Have multiple options at the ‘ad’ line so not only are you forcing them to make a a decision in D, but also multiple, repeat physical expenditures and soon enough a tired shoulder or lazy (fatigued) inside defender appears. Yes it’s difficult, but what’s the result of kicking possession away (refer ‘Hoss Rugby Truths’ one through four again) ?????

Someone can do the actual numbers of tries by Kiwi’s, that had at their inception a shite Oz kick, but by my reckoning the Kiwi sides have scored 163 tries this TT season off dreadful Oz team kicks.

I was taught 4 things as a player. On a Rugby field things should only be done with ‘purpose’. Run with purpose, tackle with purpose, kick with purpose. Off the field, I was taught that you’re not drunk till you soil your daks (as an aside, I’ve been ‘drunk’ twice).

Kick for offense, kick for territory, kick for contestable / attacking kicks, kick to keep a team pinned – brilliant. But kick because you’re out of ideas’ panicked or hoodwinked into it, you soon find yourself down 14-1 out of 15 completed games.

And DON’T get me started on those damn mungo-ball ‘out the back, second man’ attacking moves – FFS, that’s one for next week. There’s times in TT where the only way I could tell the difference between watching Loig & Union was by the number of parole officers in the crowd.

Red #16?

Red #16? Ask a Kiwi………or Canberran.

Kiwi Boys-n-Berry

Riddle me this GAGR’s.

When is a tackle without arms, late, with forceful contact to the head and no mitigating circumstances, not a red card?

When it’s from a player of a Kiwi team of course.

In scenes reminiscent of when ‘Gilbert’ (Kurtley Beale) used his throat to sickeningly attacked the elbow of Honest Joe Moodynow Red’s #9, Tate McDermott has used his head to make wilful, malicious, late & forceful contact with D-Mac’s shoulder in Townsville last Saturday’s clash v The Chiefs.

In completely foreign scenes to Kiwi players and fans, a Kiwi player has been held to an account for their actions on a Rugby field. Apart from being, late, high, no arms, no mitigation and with forceful contact to the head, the tackle was near perfect – jut ask those fans over the ‘dutch’.

Naturally those Kiwis with an iPad (14 @ last census 2019), internet access (87.66 last census 2019) have merged with those who can nearly spell (116.25  last census 2019) have taken to social media to voice their considerable rage towards those officials that have the temerity to actually apply the rules to Kiwi player – some snapshots of Kiwi bloggers below:

– ‘wot givs cuzzy bro’s, Ozi saw lusers, gotta cheet now’ – Jacinda A – Auckland

– ‘min the kinoos, this mins war’ NZ Dep’t Defence

– ‘Oz hid it cumin, no right to bee on sim paddick as our boyz’ S Hanson – Japan

– ‘see, thet’s why we nid to play Oz sides so we int injuring other Kiwis ich week’ – S Robertson South Island

The reaction of the decision by Chiefs Captain and potential ‘Bald & the Beautiful’ actor Brad Weber, was priceless and will be used as a GIF for many a year to come.

Needless to say the relationship between Kiwi boys-n-Berry was prickly from that point on, but he did his best to get them back in the game to make them feel valued.

Scotty from marketing was so concerned about deteriorating bi-lateral relations he left his happy-clapper chant-fest and sausage sizzle, to urgently head to Queenstown to appease the Kiwi leader with offerings of ugg boots and ‘Neighbour’s’ re-runs.

Meanwhile RA are pushing ahead to have Aussie Nic appointed as main referee for all three Bledisloe Tests, with Sportsbet temporarily suspending betting markets.

'Take that NZ 1-14, who's the easy beats now!'

‘1-14, yeah that’s right, who’s the easy-beats now!’


With the horses already well & truly bolted, all that’s left is for Oz sides to play the role of ‘spoiler’ from this point.

With bonus points at a premium who will win and who can get or stop the bonus points – a lot to still play for, for all teams.

Friday 4 June 5:05 pm AEST – Crusaders v Western Force at Orange Theory Stadium Christchurch.

Round 4 of TT kicks off with The Force taking on unheralded NZ side, the Crusaders, in the deep-south of middle earth. The match marks a milestone for Ian Pryor as he notches up SR game #100. A great result for the player who may not be the most naturally gifted but has worked hard and deserves every accolade.

Even with the Saders resting 32 of their best 23 players, it’s hard to foretell anything but a shellacking for the Force boys in this one and another 50+ point tally as the Crusader machine just keeps on keeping on.

2022 will see some much needed youth & spark arrive west to try and kickstart their attack, until then though, ouch…. Crusaders by 35 and bonus point

Friday 4 June 7:45 pm AEST – Reds v Blues at Suncorp Stadium Brisvegas

With JOC2.0 celebrating Super Rugby Cap #100 in front of his home fans, friends and family you would like the Reds to get the job done in this one. But perhaps in the shadows of the Crusaders a fraction, it get’s lost that this Blues team are the real deal and very dangerous across the paddock.

The Reds did their best to lose last outing and if they nod-off against this lot they will be blown off the paddock in the blink of an eye.

At home, JOC’s #100th and finally hitting their strides in TT, Red’s by 9 and no ‘Blues’ bonus point.

Saturday 5 June 5:05 pm AEST – Highlanders v Waratahs at Forsyth Barr Stadium Dunedin

Not only is the Tahs trophy cupboard bare, the ‘Win’ column bare, but now too their propping stocks with Wallaby props Bell, HJH and Faulkner all ruled out with various injuries late Thursday afternoon.

For a brief minute around Thursday lunch, I wistfully pondered the outside chance of a sneaky Tahs win. The Highlanders had some reasonable players already ruled out in The Porcelain Porn Performer due to NZ’s AB ‘workload management’ policy and Shannon Frizelle also out with injury.

With the Tahs at full strength, I’d dare believe they may have broken the drought – but now, no chance, no how, no way.

In place of the injured three, the Tahs have called up Harry Somebody & Trevor Somebodyelse to cover props and the faithful Octogenarian Robbie Abel to plug the #16 Jersey. There are several Tahs still with much to play for (Swinton, Porecki, Perese, The Commissioner (THE form #9 in Oz behind a well beaten pack he has shone)) so I hope to see a good effort, but as for a result?????? Well, remember the Alamo.

I had the Highlanders by 10 against a full strength Tahs, now even without the Dunny Lover and Knuckles Frizelle v a depleted Tahs, I fear the Landers by lots, 25+

Saturday 5 June 7:45 pm AEST – Brumbies v Hurricanes at GIO Stadium Canberra

Hard to know with this Brumbies side. They just seem to have been jaded and flat ever since they were pipped by the Reds in SR Gondwana (if the Kiwi’s can make up words, so can I).

Certainly the Rugby god’s have not bestowed much goodwill to the Canberrans across either competition this year. The SRG final loss, jumped on a barge  to Jacinda Island for 3 back to back rough games,  injuries, suspensions, rub-o-the-green. But there’s also the old adage that a good side creates its own luck and the Ponies ARE a good side.

However, IMO a few Ponies have played their way out of gold contention over the last 3 weeks and have the next two games at home to rebuild their profiles and chances in gold. People who were once ‘mainstays; of gold may find their names missing from the first gold squad of 21.

That aside if they can get refocused and back to their bread & butter then the should win

Back in their own beds, on their own track and with personal motivations,  I’ll tip the Ponies by 6 but with a Canes Bonus Point

Sunday 6 May 3.00 pm AEST – Chiefs v Rebels at Leichardt Oval – Balmain

The Reb’s cant take a trick with scheduling, venues or travel and it’s the rough end of the pineapple again for them in 2021.

You certainly cant but admire their sacrifices and commitment to the side and the comp and I would love a ‘W’ to their name as rewards.

With Chief’s head-hunter, coiffure fashionista and attacking spark D-Mac sentenced to 3 weeks out for his attempted decapitation of the Reds 9 the Reb’s hopes grow somewhat.

The Reb’s forwards led by Wells & Naisarani were terrific last game and will need to be again to get the lollies. Chiefs basically out of contention for the final, without D-Mac and after a long season will need to stay focused or this could be an upset win to the Reb’s

Come fulltime I am tipping the Chiefs planning Mad Monday, D-Mac considering a new WHAM hairdo and a Reb’s victory by 11.

All teams here

19 of The Best Quotes and GIFs from The Castle

Friday Fast 5 – This week’s all about ‘The Vibe’

‘Its the Vibe’

‘In summing up, it’s the constitution, it’s Mabo, it’s justice, it’s law, it’s the vibe.….’

I had always understood ‘last feet’ to be last feet of the defending player at the ruck or if no D than where the ruck has formed? Naturally I look at things through the subjective prism of ‘Oz Rugby Fan’, so the Kiwis are cheating bastards, but I challenge you to watch the next game and tell me I am wrong.

If ‘last feet’ is the marker, then let’s enforce the friggin’ thing – not just the vibe.

‘The Vibe Part II – 4 Inches Makes a Difference

There seems to be complete consistency in the inconsistency of law application of Kiwi ref’s vis-à-vis Aussie sides.

The Reb’s slide into shits-ville last Saturday had at it’s inception their winger being 3-4 inches, yes inches, in front of Joe Powell’s clearance kick. The subsequent penalty, penalty advantages, yellow card and numerical advantage had at its heart that very penalty. All this too from a kick-off receival from the Reb’s after they had taken a 15-14 lead – talk about momentum killer.

Happy to cop that as a ruling as long as the same forensic application applies to all sides or should I say, to teams from both sides of the Tasman. A couple of phases later and with the Landers winger 2-3 yards in front of the kicker and……crickets.

As KARL’S excellent Ref article Tuesday pointed out, we can cop mistakes, but not inconsistency. These little infractions have massive momentum, game changing outcomes, as one of Australia’s great 20th century poets explains from little things big things grow

The Vibe Part III – He did what?

No one player wins or loses you a game, but some contribute to the result more than others, enter here the big Rebel’s #2 Jordan Uelese.

Call it what you will, a massive brain-fade, petulance, frustration or a conniption that took hold and temporarily suspended sanity. I am going to call it 21 points conceded in the 10 minutes he was in the naughty chair & ‘goodnight nurse’ for his team, their fightback and chances.

His actions were also inflicted when the position of Gold #2 is wide open. I would imagine it’s the little things that perhaps speak loudest to Moses & Co come selection criteria. That one action from Uelese’s would have reverberated loudly and negatively for selectors. He also owes his team mates a real solid knock this weekend in lieu of last week’s transgression.

The Vibe – Part IV – Tahs signs of life

With a likely 13 losses in a row looming, no wins over two comps and a squad nudie run around Moore Park being pencilled in, there are actually green shoots of life if you look hard enough. Well, if you squint and have whisky before lunch, but none-the-less some building blocks are evident for season 2022.

The SRTT Team statistics are interesting reading.The Tah’s are #6th for tries, #4th for clean breaks, #1st for carries, #6th for metres gained, #8th for Tackles Won (no surprise here – but Reds are #10th – which did surprise), #7th Lineouts won,  #3rd for off-loads, #5th for scrums won, #1 for rucks won & Mad-Dog Swinton #1 Aussie Player for tackles Won at 42.

Still some way to go but perhaps, just perhaps, the Tahs are awakening from their post 2015 slumber. Roll on 2022.

The Vibe Part V – Back to the Future?

In a move sure to have those who have lost in life’s lottery and live in WA scream ‘what the flux capacitor’, Lord Laurie of the Aztecs has seemingly suggested the WA side be cut again.

With a a trickle of Ponies heading West becoming a stream, Lozza bemoaned Rugby Australia’s lot with 5 teams in it.

Although ancient history, I seem to recall a majority of those in the West supporting Cameron Clyne and Billy P as they lanced the boil back in 2017, although freely admit it may prove unpopular this time, unless it helped the Tahs, then…..











A Masters from the Uni of Life, majoring in BS. Call the Hunter Valley home and a passionate Wallabies, Tah's and then the also-rans of Oz rugby next. Yearn for the days when uppitty Kiwis knew their place - losing in dying stages of Bledisloe's or as garbage collectors.

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