Hello keyboard my old friend. I’ve come to type with you again.
That’s right earthlings, the wait is over and so is mine. It’s Friday Rugby News time again. So suspend all fact checking apps, kick the back window of the taxi loose and come with me on the years first Friday rugby adventure.
A big thank you to RA for sitting on this news until I returned and to help kickstart Fridays again with: ‘St Joe 2.0’. Look at the great pretenders for the gig in: ‘There can be only one’. We’ll then head north for a gander at the worlds best rugby comp for uncompetitive world cup sides in: ‘Treepeat’. Question what’s involved and who decides on rugby ascension with: ‘In search of greatness’. Before welcoming the years first ‘Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss’ wondering why Trump can’t bulldoze Perth as well? No one would notice.
St Joe 2.0.
To quote Mrs Hoss, ‘thank Christ that’s over’.
The ongoing uncertainty regarding St Joe’s tenure as Wallabies coach has finally been put to rest. With rugby.com.au confirming Joe will stay on till the end of the 2025 TRC, with October 4th being his last gig in the head coaching role of the Wallabies.
Frankly, I think the news is possibly the best outcome for all involved, including us fans. Players looking at contract renewal now have more, but not complete certainty (more on this a wee bit later). RA now has a clear timetable ahead and can plan accordingly, with time available to make a considered decision as opposed to a rushed band aid solution.
The biproduct of all this? Us fans win big time. For one might easily imagine the main currency for Wallaby Coach selection, will be consistent winning form from Australian sides in this years SRP. And by consistent I mean making the semi-finals as an absolute minimum.
If expectations for our 5 4 sides success this season weren’t already amped up, they just got a jumbo shot of adrenalin into Oz rugby’s buttocks.
There can be only one.
So who’s in with a shot and who are the roughies? Forget public declarations of ‘see the contract through’. Or ‘my only focus is the Tahs, Reds, Brumbies, Tigers’. We are talking a Wallabies head coaching role for a home Rugby World Cup. Whatever’s been said by a the contenders before last nights confirmation, well it just doesn’t matter no more.
The game within the game, has commenced and these are the main candidates for the role:
Les Kiss.
Seemingly well respected by all in Rugby. Has vastly improved a solid, yet underperforming Reds side since his tenure. The Oz side that now plays most like a Kiwi one. Runs a good programme, recruits well and his side produces a very attractive brand of rugby. Spectacular in attack, hungry in defence. Not to mention he is probably more likely to continue the Joe Schmidt style of coaching. Highly skilled, fit, robust players, who are held to account. Yet with selection stability to allow growth and connection. Also not adverse to backing youth.
Factor in he also has a previous working relationship with Peter Horne and his appointment would almost guarantee the signatures of those Wallabies off contract at the end of ’25. Like Fat Boy Slim McReight and co, you know, the next generation of a key group of Wallaby centurions in the making
My point? You could plug Les Kiss into the RA apparatus when Joe leaves with barely a noticeable glitch. Indeed, the machine may even run better.
G&GR Odds: 3:2 on
Dan McKellar
You know, now Chuckles is at the Tahs, I can finally say out loud, that he never got the credit he deserved when at the Brumbies. They were, under his tenure, the most consistent Oz side of the past decade. Abrasive either side of the ball. Disciplined, ruthless and the only side that really ever challenged / ruffled Kiwi feathers. And forever and a day, since 2014, the best OZ side, consistently, by some distance.
He has proven his ability to run a tight program and develop talent. Has experience (under Dave Rennie) as an international coach and has inherited a Tahs side brimming with plenty of big boppers and some Ferraris out wide as well. Whilst success isn’t assured at the Tahs (lets face it, it kinda is) he has a terrific launch pad to go deep into the 25 competition.
Chuckles is probably starting out just behind Wendy Matthews in the pecking order, but as I said above, SRP form & ladder finish will, in my opinion, be the deciding casting vote for the head job in gold.
G&GR odds: 5:1
Stephen Larkham
Wallaby great, international coaching experience and a successful coach in his own right. The Hossecution presents one Stephen ‘Bernie’ Larkham.
I my humble opinion, the greatest Wallaby #10 of my lifetime. His spatial awareness, kicking, running, distribution and game management are without peer. And it’s easy to overlook his coaching record on it’s own merits.
The Brumbies coach of post 2023 is a vastly improved operator than the one who left these shores. Yes, he inherited a good side and rugby program, but few could argue he hasn’t enhanced that. Whilst much of the Rebels side now were the fabled sky blue or whatever colour the Queensland side are supposed to be (the Queensland Garnets?). The Brumbies have quietly developed more local talent, whilst also retaining much of their established and consistent stars. Stars they identified and nurtured along the way. You might even say ‘in typical Brumbies fashion’.
I think few could argue he is somewhat behind Wendy & Chuckles. Equally, few should right off his chances. As I said above, history dictates that the Brumbies are the yardstick by which other Ozzy sides must measure up against.
G&GR Odds: 10:1.
Michael Cheika
The smokey. It’s fair to say Cheik stirs a fair bit of emotion on these pages. Some rightly so, some completely misplaced. So, for the record:
- 2014 Super Rugby winning coach. Making him Australia’s most successful Super Rugby Coach of the last decade. Plus he was 2015 SR semi-finalist while juggling two coaching roles
- Still the only coach to win both the Northern & Southern Hemispheres premier competitions
- Coached the Wallabies to 2015 Rugby World Cup final where Nigel Owens beat them.
- 2015 International Rugby Coach of the year (Nigel Owens didn’t get to vote)
- Head coach of Argentina when they beat Australia, NZ in NZ & the Saffa’s
- Current head coach of some Pommy side who are doing alright
My point? Love him or loathe him, the guy gets results. Consistent, winning, results. Many point to the fact that his ‘method’ is only suited to short tenures. Remind me again, when is the home RWC?
Then again, maybe I am completely wrong about Cheik. Maybe instead, he will fill the role at the Reds when Kiss steps up. I’d frigging love that.
G&GR Odds: 12:1 and closing
Summary: Who will get the gig & why? Buggered if I know. But it’s gonna be one hell of a ride till we find out and us Aussie fans have front row seats.
Treepeat.
It seems the Kiwi team based in Europe, also known as ‘Ireland’, have some lofty ambitions when it comes to this years Six Nations competition. With a series win this year giving them what their captain Fergus O’Shanessy called a ‘treepeat’. Something I had thought was used in the distilling of Irish whisky, but there you go.
In typical Oirish fashion, they came from behind to surprise the English first up in what was a reasonable outing for those in Emerald and completely underwhelming rugby-by-numbers by Borthwicks bumblers.
Certainly the Irish Kiwi players Gibson-Park, James Lowe & Bundy Rum Aki certainly had strong games, with some exceptional skill, vision and Aki’s case, a brutal physical masterclass. Although I am convinced that ‘humility’ is something James Lowe orders on a Falafel. The gigantic p###k certainly doesn’t display any when on any rugby field. Well, any home rugby field anyway.
On week one of the 6N’s comp what was clear is that this years contest is a two-horse race only. France were simply imperious. Their combination of forwards that look like two people stitched into one, they are that big. The pace on offer out wide, the flair of Dupont and the work ethic of their loose trio (Aldritt is a phenomenal player) is unmatched. Add to that the laser guided boot of Ramos and they are a very complete side. The killer is that they don’t even do anything overly flamboyant, exotic or with fabled ‘French flair’. Each player simply knows their roles and executes them accordingly and the results are consistently très bien.
Ireland, well, less impressive as a team, more so relying on some stellar performances from individuals to get the chocolates. No doubt they will improve, but enough to roll the French and capture a treepeat? Yeah, not so much.
As for the rest? Well, it’s a battle for lower placings I’m afraid. Scotland & The Soap Dodgers are effectively playing for 3rd-4th (with 4th spot seeing Borthwick dispatched). Borthwick seems to be perhaps the key contributor to the sides defeats, primarily with his head-scratching use of the bench. As for Wales and the pasta lovers it’s a battle of the spoon and on the evidence, it looks like its already engraved with ‘Wales’ on it. Indeed one can imagine a CV arriving at the inbox of HR at RA HQ next week. Perhaps outlining the life and rugby times of one ‘W Gatland’ in seek of imminent employment. Stranger things have happened.
In Search of Greatness.
I should probably clarify for the Hansard: If it were not for a genuine lack of agility, any sort of work ethic, being devoid of any discernible rugby talent, no understanding of the game (it’s laws, methods objectives or tactics), a pathological distaste for exercise, an inability to follow instruction, a violent disposition to ‘shared accommodation’ and a complete failing to meet any merit-based selection criteria, I probably could have been a Wallaby. Actually it’s probably fair to say, that like Sam Kerr, I too am a victim. In my case, a victim of discrimination and small minded, w###e officialdom. But I digress.
Reading an article or two on my summer weight-gain hiatus, I was struck by a number of Australian rugby articles that reported the insights and opinions of ‘former Wallaby greats’ or ‘FWGs’. One article in particular stood out, where a jouno had ordained two players as FWGs and quoted them accordingly. Now to be fair, both players had a decent stint in the jersey. I would argue both were more effective in state jerseys, than national ones, but both had their moments in gold.
But entry into the pantheon of Wallaby godliness? Not so much.
Out of respect I won’t mention the names of said FWGs, suffice to say, one captained a communist side to their first SR title win in an age (thanks mostly to their former NSW coach). The other allegedly gave a women (who didn’t identify as his wife) a guided tour of his hotel room during a test week (in Melbourne as I recall). What is a matter of record however, is that said player never wore the Wallabies gold again after that. Now, as I reflect on the Wallaby careers of these two anointed FWG’s I thought: Good careers in gold? Sure. Distinguished careers? Hmmmm, maybe. Former Wallaby greats? Pull the other one, it plays Braham.
The stunning phraseology used even got me to put down the incredibly mellow and smooth tasting sensation that is Goodradigbee ‘Iron Bark’ Whisky (wholly Australia Made aged in Australian hardwood maturation cubes and incredible value with a 20% G&GR member discount.) and it got me thinking: just what exactly, is the criteria to be considered as, indeed publicly referred to, as a Former Wallaby Great?
Surely the very essence of being a FWG would be, in no particular order, other than that descending below:
- Being part of a World Champion (RWC winning) side
- Being part of a side who enjoyed sustained Bledisloe Cup success. Hell, any Bledisloe Cup series success
- Being part of a team who had a series win against the Lions
- Or, as Nutter might say: a player who’s consistently high deeds and contribution to the jersey leaves the jersey enriched by their time in it. Say like the member for turnovers and vegan lifestyles, David Pocock for example.
I get why lazy journalists throw in the moniker of FWG. I get it’s to keep a relationship with the former player as a ‘source’ for further articles, I get it’s to enhance it, hell ‘fluff’ it even. But ‘deserved’? Well that’s another matter entirely.
So barring those players who career spanned the end of the golden era and the transition back to the iron age (Gregan, Larkham, Roff for example) just which Wallabies, since 2002 could truly, fairly & accurately merit being referred to in any article, apart from all the Tahs Wallabies players, as a ‘former Wallaby great’ and why ?
Over to you Gaggers.
Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss.
Idiot box, talks.
No, not an interview with a South African player (well any South African really), but instead an update on pending finalisation of TV broadcast deal negotiations. Former Wallaby Great Phil Waugh has been in exclusive negotiations with NINE / STAN for a renewed 5 year deal. Said deal contains both a per annum boost in the amount offered, but reportedly also has several performance bonus clauses in it based on Wallaby win rates. So as the Wallabies win more, they get more. Clever. reuters.com has more
Turning Japanese.
Little known Kiwi #10 and former Japanese domestic player, Bowen Barrrutt, is obviously a regular G&GR reader. For a few years this site has argued for the inclusion of Japanese teams to an expanded SRP comp as the benefits are numerous and commercially appealing. japan.co has more.
Melbourne Sucks.
Maybe not what he actually said, but it was 100% the vibe of his message. The big man, Nella Tupou tells someone who isn’t Nathan Williamson at rugby.com.au about his love of Sydney and all things NSW. I am getting misty just typing this.
GOAT or show boat?
There is no doubt Anton DuPont can play rugby a little. He has all the skills, is extremely consistent and has a reasonable record. But the GOAT? No way monsieur.
Where’s the world cup medal or medals? Where’s the body of work over a decade? Where’s the 100 wins as French captain? Gather round G&GR’s because I am about to share a tightly held, dark, burning secret, that shames me to the core. It goes against everything I believe and hold dear and it scorches my soul like no earthly flame can do. There’s only one GOAT in my lifetime thus far. And that bastard wore a mostly black jersey that had a #7 on it.
There. I said it and no, I don’t feel better. Actually, I will retract it. Where is the ‘scorched earth key’ on this Chinese Deep Fake Seek site? Filthy hobbits’
Until next week, time for a Goodradigbee.
Hoss – out.
