Hello one and all and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News on
Green & rugbydownunder.com home for all your half-true rugby stuff on a Friday.
Today we are ‘pre-Bledisloe’ again so let’s all inhale and dive into the aftermath of Bledisloe #1 with ‘Patience’. Dust ourselves off and look at our chances in ‘Dead Rubber Is It? Then prove once & for all that size really matters in ‘That’s not a Boomerang’. RDU issues an unreserved apology in ‘Unreserved Apology’. And we wrap it all up with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, now really enjoying the excellent quality, craftsmanship and at only $999, the truly outstanding value of my complimentary RM Williams Heritage Football. Wonderful people at RM, truly wonderful.
You know it’s not often your side can take a 31 point flogging and you walk away thinking ‘they actually weren’t too bad tonight’ and ‘no’ I was not drinking, well not a lot anyway, well by ‘a lot’ I mean in proportion to my body mass, which can probably be best summed up using the formula you should all know:
For those simpletons without a basic NSW kindergarten math’s equivalency (2nd year undergrad in QPRQ), it’s simple:
- ‘Fatboy =- pure grog Volume’, where ‘g’ = 1.38 litres of bourbon & ‘Fb’ = well, Oprah in the 90’s. I mean a ‘thyroid problem’? How many thyroids did she have?
But I digress, where was I again? Oh, yes, Wallaby piddling at the hands of those Nearly All in Black.
There were genuine signs, flashes or glimpses even, of what this Wallaby side might become down the track. For 25ish minutes there was structure & purpose to the attack. The D was terrific and generally those in Cadbury Orange looked to be a fairly cohesive & threatening proposition. But, to the eternal credit of the mutton molesters, once they stood firm and repelled Orange advances, then the Wallabies had no real conviction (understanding?) with their ‘Plan B’. Self-inflicted wounds opened, chaos ensued and before you know it, another black night in Melbourne and I don’t mean of the caped crusader kind.
It would be lazy & simplistic to write off the whole game based on the score alone. There were some impressive outings, mixed with some horrible injuries and sprinkled with some strange use of the bench by the coach and bewildering decisions by ‘The Lip’ that all played a part. Mr White, a moment from a rugby dunce like me, if you will:
- Your replacement tighthead is injured, Stevie Wonder could’ve spotted it, so when the balls at the 8’s feet, please clear it immediately instead of playing for a scrum reset.
- When the hooker is giving you the ball at the back of a stationery, dogs-breakfast of an attacking rolling maul, again, please clear it also.
But as a side there were more positives than negatives. There were some valuable minutes for a talented, but inexperienced cohort of youngsters and enough for this jaded fan to go ‘yep, I can see something there.’
Maybe coach Brian is onto something after all and I say to him thus:
‘There was a time when I wasn’t sure, but you set my mind at ease.
There is no doubt you’re in my heart now’
Maybe all we need is just a little (more) patience?
Dead Rubber is It?
NZ v Australia.
Sat, 05 Aug Forsyth Barr Stadium 12:00pm Kick off 12:35pm AEST. Live on STAN.
It seems this match don’t matter much according to some journo’s! Sure that oversized bed pan is back with The Poxy Isles for the 68th year in a row, but Australia could play the Kiwis at Trivial Pursuit, well no, that’s not fair on the mental pigmies over the dutch, but whenever Gold plays The Darkness in anything, it’s ‘game on’.
None more so when there’s still some pride and RWC spots still up for grabs in each squad. Especially when NZ coach Fozzie B Bear has picked his ‘B’ side for this outing. The Kiwi’s welcome back their fifth best #7 & captain Sam Cane to the run on side. Cane is one of just 13, yep 13, changes to the Nearlies squad for this one
For the Aussies, injury and some reward / experimentation have seen a number of changes. The Pone Express gets a rare start at tighthead Michaels brother Tom swaps to #6 & Morgan Freeman (everybodies favourite ‘Red’) gets a start at #7 and it’s great to have a genuine ‘fetcher’ at 7, that and his ‘linking’ game is first class as well.
Brian has stuck with his halves pairing of McDermott & Flash Gordon, with the feisty Communist #9 getting the gong as Wallabies Captain #86, 72 of those just this season. Here’s hoping our new skipper rediscovers his running legs in Dunedin and causes some real mischief to the Nearlies.
With size skill and experience on the bench it will be needed as coach Jones again looks to expose this young group to the furnace of test rugby. For the second test in a row, there are more ‘caps’ on the bench, then in the starting XV and going forward that can’t be a bad thing for all of us, for there’s no better way to learn than by ‘doing’
Remember to, this is a Saturday afternoon game in NZ as they have ongoing electricity rations that prevent a night game and use of ‘the big glary things on the pole’, so kick off is 12.35 AEST and no, that’s not a misprint.
Both sides have it all to play for with NZ naming their RWC squad this Sunday and spots still up for grabs for the Wallabies RWC as well. Dead rubber? Me thinks not.
Fearless Prediction: NZ at home, hungry & with players battling to get on the plane to Paris is an extremely daunting prospect. So it’s the Wallabies for mine, but only by 13.
New Zealand (15-1): Will ordan; Shaun Stevenson, Braydon Ennor, Anton Lienert-Brown, Leicester Fainga’anuku; Damian McKenzie, Finlay Christie; Ardie Savea, Sam Cane (capt), Samipeni Finau; Sam Whitelock, Brodie Retallick; Nepo Laulala, Samisoni Taukei’aho, Tamaiti Williams.
Replacements: Dane Coles, Ofa Tuungafasi, Fletcher Newell, Tupou Vaa’i, Luke Jacobson, Aaron Smith, Richie Mo’unga, Dallas McLeod.
Wallabies (15-1) Andrew Kellaway; Mark Nawaqanitawase, Jordan Petaia, Samu Kerevi; Marika Koroibete, Carter Gordon, Tate McDermott (capt); Rob Valetini, Tom Hooper, Fraser McReight; Richie Arnold, Nick Frost; Pone Fa’amausili, David Porecki, Angus Bell
Reserves: Jordan Uelese, James Slipper, Zane Nonggorr, Will Skelton, Rob Leota, Nic White, Quade Cooper, Izaia Perese.
Match Officials: Referee: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Wayne Barnes (RFU) Assistant Referee 2: Christophe Ridley (RFU) TMO: Marius Jonker (SARU)
That’s not a Boomerang!
OK, so it was a ‘nice’ gesture of risspict by 7A’s & the Wallabies for the Polynesian Macarena during Bled 1 in Mexico, by placing a ‘Boomerang’ on the half way line to accept the ‘challenge’, I like the symbolism and ‘quiet resistance’ about it all.
Did the item have to come from Heng Shuans $2 genuine ‘Ridgey Didge Aussie Goods & Tourist Emporium’ on Collins Street? Did you really have to send out Nath Williamson with a $10 budget and demand change just to get one?
That wasn’t a proper Boomerang, not even bloody close. It looked, to my eyes, like a made-in-China cheap knock-off, even by Chinese standards it looked poor & that’s saying something. It just oozed this kitz tourist vibe, so they leave Oz feeling propper Strailyen!
If you’re gonna accept the challenge than get a proper, ‘up yours’ Boomerang made. Get first nations peoples of the land to make it. Infuse it with their ancestry and history of the land. Invoke their warrior pride, their traditions, their pride and their resilience, have it mean something. Then stand in the ‘boomerang’ formation we did last season. The whole idea was that the spirit of the boomerang would ‘fly out’ above the Haka, disrupt and capture that ‘energy’ and return it to our players, thus empowering ours with the additional energy & spirit of the Kiwis.
It was for sure a good ‘start’ by the Wallabies and like everything else these ideas evolve and grow over time. But to lay that piss-poor Boomerang at their feet, well, we may as well responded by doing ‘The Nutbush’ or perhaps with a more quintessential Aussie response. Like calling in for a ‘sicky’, turning up 15 minutes late, or lying on
our your tax returns.
The Macarena means something to the Nealries, the response should mean something to us. Stand up, stand tall & call on the oldest continuous culture in the world to stiffen your backs and lay a real boomerang at their feet. Then it’s really ‘game on’.
Whilst a little pre-occupied yesterday, I was however made aware of an article by Happy that may have crossed the line and accused referees of inappropriate officiating of the Wallaby side and for this I unreservedly apologise for this suggestion.
To be clear, it is the position of RDU, it’s staff & owners that no referee should be accused of cheating, at any time, in any way pertaining to the Wallabies. We do not condone this representation in any way, shape or form.
What we would say is simply this, that many of you one eyed morons simply only apply the rules to those in gold whilst completely ignoring the blatant & repeated offending of those teams opposing our Orange Warriors.
Indeed deliberate ‘cheating’ would be a welcome change from some of you and a vast improvement over the rank incompetence you dish out. At least if you were cheating we would know what to expect from you as opposed to ‘how can we shat on them this time’ that many of you have inflicted over many a year.
Honorary mentions should go to: All Black Fanboy Nigel Owens, ‘I thought he used his arms’ Jaco Peyper and perennial RDU favourite and universal pillock Marius Jonker (who again will look at ways to rob us blind this weekend as TMO)Again, RDU sincerely apologises for any offence caused to you baffling buffoons who befuddle our Wallabies with your blatant
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Bongi Begins Bokke Brotherhood of the ‘Band’
The Catholics have bestowed the captains arm band to hooker Bongi Mbonambi as skipper #64 for their first World Cup warm-up game against the FISM’s this weekend. Mbonambi leads a side with 12 changes from the one that who pipped Los Pumas last week 22-21 as the defending World Champs look to hone their RWC & title defence preparations. More from planetrugby.com
Haggis Lovers not entirely crap.
At least according to last man standing & English named Finn Russell. Russell is excited about his new partnership with the man who could slip into a career in adult entertainment if rugby don’t work out, Blair Kinghorn.
“The way Blair has been training at fullback has been really good. He is hitting the ball really well; he is a big guy, he is really quick. He has different attributes to Hoggy.
‘Training really good’? The guy has ‘Wallaby’ written all over him…….
Too much rugby? Blasphemer!
Nice little snap shot of what’s coming up this weekend from world.rugby
RDU will have coverage of every game of this years RWC with previews & reviews as well as the launch of our ‘Rucking Idiots’ podcast soon.
RDU wants you!
With so much rugby & so little time, if you’re interested in becoming a guest write please drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org anybody can do it. I mean FFS Yowie even ‘writes’ for us! And to the many who visit our site but don’t comment, RDU is a fan space, created by rugby fans, for rugby fans and all are welcome. Login and join the banter today
Can you believe it! Only 36 more sleeps until the French hosts the AB’s on Sept 9th to start the’23 RWC. I can hardly wait!
Until next Friday – take it away Axl.
Hoss – out.