NSW AAGPS 2024

[Rudderless]

Kings 16as and 3rd Xv playing a touring school from UK today.

The Campion school

 

[Maul of Duty]

The Campion school

Where are they playing and what time?

 

[Joker]

Meanwhile at Joeys…
Spies prepare to infiltrate Scots training

 

[sundayeightpm]

Joeys +8
New +10
Shore + 6

 

[Billy McGee]

this is the kind of input from schoolboys that we need!!

Agreed - a balanced and smart take on the competition. Well played @ManOSteel

 

[Srgnt Short Ball]

Meanwhile at Joeys…
Spies prepare to infiltrate Scots training

View attachment 20002

classic! not that the boys from Hunters Hill need any info though... Should be a strong win for them this weekend.

 

[MaulMasterMind]

Where are they playing and what time?

From what I have gathered 3 pm at White Oval (Kings). Does anyone know otherwise? That is for the 1st XV from Campion so would guess the 16s will be prior.

 

[Joker]

Tales from the wise, old badger

NOTE. I wrote this in 2022 for a friend who played in the game but due to health he has lost a memory of it. This brought a smile to his face.

WARNING- It is long.

The legendary tale of the 1981 Joeys v Scots match has been told thousands of times by those who claim they were there. This game is retold across the generations in dormitories and is burnt into the psyche of all Joe Boys. This history remains like a festering sore that will never heal for Scots Old Boys. Many agree it was an ugly field goal that wobbled its way through the posts, a clock that seemed to showing full time for at least 23 minutes according to plenty of Scots boys, a tsunami of boys flooding the field and the agony and ecstasy of a game for the ages all played out on a dusty paddock at Hunters Hill. What many do not know is the Scots response the following year when Joeys played at the Deathstar

365 days had passed and tension grew in the AAGPS world as this return match drew closer. In 1982 pundits had the Joeys team equal favourites to share the shield with possibly Kings, maybe Shore and Scots. All three of these schools had impressive firepower across the park; the Kings forwards looking particular strong, Shore was fitter than most and Scots employing a simple but brutal line of attack. While not as strong as the other two, many had tipped Scots to cause greater nuisance for the favourites in the season. In fact, the game relived today through my cerise and blue memory was such a game. If Scots won, Kings were set to pounce on the cattle dog stumble. Most of the Scots 1981 squad was still at the school (none were playing triangles…that came later) but the inspirational Colin Scotts was now living his NFL dreams at the University of Hawaii. Scots were well coached by the highly esteemed Tony Melrose. It was a team that excelled in blunt force trauma. Their style was like using a sledgehammer to open a boiled egg and to slap your face with a lace glove containing a bowling ball.

In the trial games many teams became road kill to the Scottish dreadnaught who grew in confidence and stature mainly because of the newly opened Plumer Road chicken shop. Going into this game they had skittled the Kings like nine pins, muscled Shore and were ready to blow away the next offering. Standing in their way of their God given AAGPS Glory and world domination was Joeys, the perennial party crashers who shattered many a AAGPS dream for schools since 1894. After the miracle of 81, Joeys were now viewed as Scots College number one enemy. As the rounds progressed it was obvious that this clash would shake the pillars of private school rugby. It was going to be a battle between siege mentality of brutal attack and blunt defence of Scots vs the run, doggies run mantra of Joeys.

Joeys were fortunate to have some talented players back from 1981 (some critics were saying they were 20 years old). In 1982 Joeys were blessed with the outstanding Australian Schoolboys captain of Paul Farrell in number 8 and future Australian Schools players of Rob Renete (R.I.P) and Andrew Vince. What was the strength though was the very slick backline with Sean Flanagan (Aus Schools 1983), the Campese of Sydney schools’ rugby and the one-man wrecking machine in open play, Gerard O’Hearn (Aus Schools 1982). These weapons were all steered across the park under the silky directions of “Jock” Kearney. The Joeys backs in the early rounds had racked plenty of points. Even so, the Scots backline and forward pack had demonstrated their well drilled attack and iron wall like defence. It was only now a matter of time when the cerise and blue army would visit and swarm the Death Star at Bellevue Hill.

And so it was, on an overcast Saturday afternoon did the Catholic horde of pâturage du ciel ride in the fleet of North-Western buses travel to the Dark empire of the east. On arrival at the Deathstar it was obvious this match would be keenly followed. The old hill (best place to watch) and street outside the fence were heaving with Scots old boys in fine voice. Plenty of crude banter and beer with the occasional old boy forgetting his place and losing his Golden Sheaf lunch on the footpath. Assembled along the western touchline was the entire Scots College Years 5-12. New portable grandstands had been hired. Nothing like what is there is today. These stands stretched high into the blue and from the other side of the oval it was like gazing at a wall of black coats. The noise coming from them was deafening. The match was compulsory, “all hands to the wheel”. No excuses. Scots to the fore! Posters were everywhere.Even during the week, the boys assembled on Scots main for cheering practice and by accounts the young ladies at Kambala College heard it (mind you there was a wicked westerly). On the balcony the Scots headmaster had special seating placed so staff (compulsory) could support their school. I myself was positioned on the hard ground on the eastern sideline where there are no grandstands. No seating was provided. Even the Joeys coaches had to come to our side and sit on the ground. But Spartan men don’t mind spartan conditions. Many Joe boys simply stood all match just so they could see. The crowd was nervous but you wouldn’t know it from the first cheer of each school.

Time had come. A small boy scampered across Kirkland Oval to let the team know it was game time. The Joeys 1st XV left their cramped, damp change room under the old gym next to the pool. They climbed the crumbling steep stairs onto Kirkland oval and then crossed over to the dead ball area of the main. Here there stood patiently waiting for the referee to whistle them on. The team looked nervous just like a cluster of Christians entering the colosseum filled with lions. As they stood in the cool southerly breeze, the air was filled with the sound of strangled cats. It was the Scots senior pipe and drums band making an unlisted performance in the days program. Joeys were given no notice. The band entered the grounds via the road from the tennis court/Royle House end of the College and marched smartly to the middle of the field. For the next 10 minutes they went through all the classic pipe tunes like “I’m an asthmatic pig”, “Cowards of Scotland” and “Squids do it better” while they stood in their tartan skirts blowing in the breeze. When they finally left the field, there was a signal from a lad dressed as a Highland warrior for all Scots boys to assemble.

Like a swarm of black beetles, the Scots boys swarmed the field. In my life I have seen some incredible tunnels. Newington, Riverview even Grammar but nothing came close to this. This was the greatest. It snaked its way back and forth across the field eventually ending at the halfway line. The doors of the old change rooms blew open and four pipers emerged playing something like, “I am boy and I like wearing skirts” as they led the Scots team out. The players eyes were gleaming, cheeks puffing and their golden hair flowing. Huge gold banners joined the procession with the rampant lion blowing in the breeze. At one stage the pipers and banners peeled away and the team then sprinted with the warrior in front leading the rest of the way through the tunnel, at least 300m worth and soon they found the halfway line. There they stood, chests heaving, gulping in as much air as a possible, their faces now red with over stimuli. The smartly dressed referee appeared and whistled for the Joeys lads to run on.The crowd held their breath. They had witnessed the greatest Scots “introduction” in history (I’m sorry it even shaded the 1993 one). You could hear a pin drop and then Joeys “challenge” began

The sound was like a tsunami crashed down, drowning you in deafening decibel depths. This defiant roar was the loudest I have ever heard Joeys. The Joeys boys were fuming and angry because of the over-the-top histrionics. Here was their response to slam the Scots boys back with the only weapon they had. Sonic fury. “WALK ON….WALK ON…” rang around the cauldron that is the Death Star. The words smashed against the buildings. Windows rattled, bricks came loose, dogs barked in the streets of Paddington, Kerry Packer rang to complain (He lived up the road) and all the while, instead of sprinting to the field, the Joeys boys deliberately walked, slowly, purposely with menace in their eyes.

In the old days team used to give three cheers beforethe game to the opposition. It was a quaint tradition but, in this game, quaint it was not. Scots linked arms and together they gave the loudest three cheers I haveheard. They bellowed their thunderous cheer into the ground in a manner you expect from an All-Black test. Their sound woke the dead in the local cemetery and energized the huge Scots crowd. The storm troopers started to roar, jeer, scream and pump themselves up. They believed this sonic intimidation was going intimidate the Joeys team. The Joeys response? Without linking arms, standing freely the team gave a very slow three cheers. All players barely saying “hurrah”. All the while they had their eyes fixed on the opposition eyes. Like a lion stalking its prey. Somewhere deep inside all Scots boys a small seed of doubt took root. They ignored it for now. Pain was coming.

# Note. During the week the esteemed AFL legend player and coach Ron Barrasi had been employed by Scots to get the team super hyped up for the weekend. He did his job it seemed with the Scots boy’s eyes blazing in fury and hate. The Joeys coach though didn’t go in for all that face slapping hysterics. The quiet, reflective study he had done told him otherwise. He was a devotee of Sun Tzu and above his desk he had a quote framed. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” This was the difference between the two teams. One was at inner peace as they knew their opponent well so hence no fear, the other was trying to disguise their fear with a mask of aggression and over confidence.

Now the game began.

I will not dull you with details. The game was an arm wrestle between two super powers. Both teams cancelled each other out. Even with the superior back line firepower, Joeys were blunted by stubborn Scots defence. In the early part of the match the Scots 10 snapped a field goal. The reaction was as if they had won the game. Car horns blew, old boys partied and the Scots boys danced that the grandstand that started to shake. Not long later the Scots supporters held their collective breath as the Joeys winger, O’Hearn flashed 70m down his left wing, right in front of the Scots boys’ eyes. He was bundled into touch eventually. The Scots boys made sure he never saw the ball again. Just before half time Joeys took a penalty goal to make it 3-3. Both teams refused to give an inch. But both teams were tiring, one was noticeably losing half a step. The pace could not continue into the second half. Could it?

The game itself reached its zenith late in the second half. Joeys were now attacking in waves, crashing upon the rocks of the resolute Scots defence. On two occasions Joeys turned down a penalty shot. They were focused on scoring tries to show they could break the Scottish barricades. With every raid, Scots became more and more desperate to get out of their half. Kicking for touch was not an easy task as the tall Joeys forwards were winning the lineout ball at will. The incredible scrambling Scots defence kept out the ever-eager Joeys team. At one stage Joeys thought they had scored but held up was the call. Both teams were playing for not for a premiership but for pure pride, and Joeys again were now just metres away from the Scots try line. The Scots flyhalf was having trouble getting quick ball from the scrum half. The Joeys loose forwards were putting enormous pressure on him. On two occasions The Scots 10 was almost been swamped but managed to retain possession. With time almost out, Scots again tried the kick the ball down field hoping beyond hope that the Joeys fullback would make a “Campese like”defining mistake.

After a Joeys lineout infringement, a scrum was set 15 metres out from Scots try line with Scots feed. The Joeys boys decided to try something different. The flyhalf and the winger, O’Hearn, swapped places. He had incredible acceleration and was intimidating sight when he ran at you. Scot’s boys were whistling loudly for the game to end. Old boys blared car horns and were being a disgrace, a fine tradition they have upheld. The ball went into the scrum and Scots won it cleanly. The scrumhalf passed and O’Hearn took off like a missile for the Scots 10. In panic, he passed the ball to his inside centre to make the clearing kick, but the Scots 12 had already taken off down field following the kick that never came. Hence, the pass from the Scots fly half spilt onto the open ground behind the Scots 12. The Joeys 12 who had run up to apply pressure suddenly found the ball all to himself in space. The crowd held their breath, silence even enveloped the ground for that moment. And just like that, the Joeys 12 picked up the ball and scored under the posts without a hand being laid on him. The conversion was marked by some horrible colour from the hill plus some jeers from the Scots boys. Full time. Joeys won 9-3. Both teams slumped to the ground. There was nothing more to give. As a sign of respect, the Joeys students walked across the field as one and stood in front of the Scots boys. The students gave Scots three cheers. And somewhere in the golden inner west, on top of a sandstone building a statue of Our Lady smiled…again.

 

[Billy McGee]

View attachment 20004

Tales from the wise, old badger

NOTE. I wrote this in 2022 for a friend who played in the game but due to health he has lost a memory of it. This brought a smile to his face.

WARNING- It is long.

The legendary tale of the 1981 Joeys v Scots match has been told thousands of times by those who claim they were there. This game is retold across the generations in dormitories and is burnt into the psyche of all Joe Boys. This history remains like a festering sore that will never heal for Scots Old Boys. Many agree it was an ugly field goal that wobbled its way through the posts, a clock that seemed to showing full time for at least 23 minutes according to plenty of Scots boys, a tsunami of boys flooding the field and the agony and ecstasy of a game for the ages all played out on a dusty paddockat Hunters Hill. What many do not know is the ScotsCollege response the following year when Joeys played at the Deathstar

365 days had passed and tension grew in the AAGPS world as this return match drew closer. In 1982 pundits had the Joeys team equal favourites to sharethe shield with possibly Kings, maybe Shore and Scots. All three of these schools had impressive firepower across the park; the Kings forwards looking particular strong, Shore was fitter than most and Scots employing a simple but brutal line of attack. While not as strong as the other two, many had tipped Scots to cause greater nuisance for the favourites in the season. In fact, the game relived today through my cerise and blue memory was such a game. If Scots won, Kings were set to pounce on the cattle dog stumble. Most of the Scots 1981 squad was still at the school (none were playing triangles…that came later) but the inspirational Colin Scotts was now living his NFL dreams at the University of Hawaii. Scots were well coached by the highly esteemed Tony Melrose. It was a team that excelled in blunt force trauma. Their style was like using a sledgehammer to open a boiled egg and to slap your face with a lace glove containing a bowling ball.

In the trial games many teams became road kill to the Scottish dreadnaught who grew in confidence andstature mainly because of the newly opened Plumer Road chicken shop. Going into this game they hadskittled the Kings like nine pins, muscled Shore and were ready to blow away the next offering. Standing in their way of their God given AAGPS Glory and world domination was Joeys, the perennial party crashers who shattered many a AAGPS dream for schools since 1894. After the miracle of 81, Joeys were now viewed as Scots College number one enemy. As the rounds progressed it was obvious that this clash would shake the pillars of private school rugby. It was going to be a battle between siege mentality of brutal attack and blunt defence of Scots vs the run, doggies run mantra of Joeys.

Joeys were fortunate to have some talented players back from 1981 (some critics were saying they were 20 years old). In 1982 Joeys were blessed with the outstanding Australian Schoolboys captain of Paul Farrell in number 8 and future Australian Schools players of Rob Renete (R.I.P) and Andrew Vince. What was the strength though was the very slick backline with Sean Flanagan (Aus Schools 1983), the Campese of Sydney schools’ rugby and the one-man wrecking machine in open play, Gerard O’Hearn(Aus Schools 1982). These weapons were all steered across the park under the silky directions of “Jock” Kearney. The Joeys backs in the early rounds had racked plenty of points. Even so, the Scots backline and forward pack had demonstrated their well drilled attack and iron wall like defence. It was only now a matter of time when the cerise and blue army would visit and swarm the Death Star at Bellevue Hill.

And so it was, on an overcast Saturday afternoon did the Catholic horde of pâturage du ciel ride in the fleet of North-Western buses travel to the Dark empire of the east. On arrival at the Deathstar it was obvious this match would be keenly followed. The old hill (best place to watch) and street outside the fence were heaving with Scots old boys in fine voice. Plenty of crude banter and beer with the occasional old boy forgetting his place and losing his Golden Sheaf lunch on the footpath. Assembled along the western touchline was the entire Scots College Years 5-12. New portable grandstands had been hired. Nothing like what is there is today. These stands stretched high into the blue and from the other side of the oval it was like gazing at a wall of black coats. The noise coming from them was deafening. The match was compulsory, “all hands to the wheel”. No excuses. Scots to the fore! Posters were everywhere.Even during the week, the boys assembled on Scots main for cheering practice and by accounts the young ladies at Kambala College heard it (mind you there was a wicked westerly). On the balcony the Scots headmaster had special seating placed so staff (compulsory) could support their school. I myself was positioned on the hard ground on the eastern sideline where there are no grandstands. No seating was provided. Even the Joeys coaches had to come to our side and sit on the ground. But Spartan men don’t mind spartan conditions. Many Joe boys simply stood all match just so they could see. The crowd was nervous but you wouldn’t know it from the first cheer of each school.

Time has come. A small boy scampered across Kirkland Oval to let the team know it was game time. The Joeys 1st XV left their cramped, damp change room under the old gym next to the pool. They climbed the crumbling steep stairs onto Kirkland oval and then crossed over to the dead ball area of the main. Here there stood patiently waiting for the referee to whistle them on. The team looked nervous just like a cluster of Christians entering the colosseum filled with lions. As they stood in the cool southerly breeze, the air was filled with the sound of strangled cats. It was the Scots senior pipe and drums band making an unlisted performance in the days program. Joeys were given no notice. The bandentered the grounds via the road from the tennis court/Royle House end of the College and marched smartly to the middle of the field. For the next 10 minutes they went through all the classic pipe tunes like “I’m an asthmatic pig”, “Cowards of Scotland” and “Squids do it better” while they stood in theirtartan skirts blowing in the breeze. When they finally left the field, there was a signal from a lad dressed as a Highland warrior for all Scots boys to assemble.

Like a swarm of black beetles, the Scots boys swarmed the field. In my life I have seen some incredible tunnels. Newington, Riverview even Grammar but nothing came close to this. This was the greatest. It snaked its way back and forth across the field eventually ending at the halfway line. The doors of the old change rooms blew open and four pipers emerged playing something like, “I am boyand I like wearing skirts” as they led the Scots team out. The players eyes were gleaming, cheeks puffing and their golden hair flowing. Huge gold banners joined the procession with the rampant lion blowing in the breeze. At one stage the pipers and bannerspeeled away and the team then sprinted with the warrior in front leading the rest of the way through the tunnel, at least 300m worth and soon they found the halfway line. There they stood, chests heaving, gulping in as much air as a possible, their faces now red with over stimuli. The smartly dressed referee appeared and whistled for the Joeys lads to run on.The crowd held their breath. They had witnessed the greatest Scots “introduction” in history (I’m sorry it even shaded the 1993 one). You could hear a pin drop and then Joeys “challenge” began

The sound was like a tsunami crashed down, drowning you in deafening decibel depths. This defiant roar was the loudest I have ever heard Joeys. The Joeys boys were fuming and angry because of the over-the-top histrionics. Here was their response to slam the Scots boys back with the only weapon they had. Sonic fury. “WALK ON….WALK ON…” rang around the cauldron that is the Death Star. The words smashed against the buildings. Windows rattled, bricks came loose, dogs barked in the streets of Paddington, Kerry Packer rang to complain (He lived up the road) and all the while, instead of sprinting to the field, the Joeys boys deliberately walked, slowly, purposely with menace in their eyes.

In the old days team used to give three cheers beforethe game to the opposition. It was a quaint tradition but, in this game, quaint it was not. Scots linked arms and together they gave the loudest three cheers I haveheard. They bellowed their thunderous cheer into the ground in a manner you expect from an All-Black test. Their sound woke the dead in the local cemetery and energized the huge Scots crowd. The storm troopers started to roar, jeer, scream and pump themselves up. They believed this sonic intimidation was going intimidate the Joeys team. The Joeys response? Without linking arms, standing freely the team gave a very slow three cheers. All players barely saying “hurrah”. All the while they had their eyes fixed on the opposition eyes. Like a lion stalking its prey. Somewhere deep inside all Scots boys a small seed of doubt took root. They ignored it for now. Pain was coming.

# Note. During the week the esteemed AFL legend player and coach Ron Barrasi had been employed by Scots to get the team super hyped up for the weekend. He did his job it seemed with the Scots boy’s eyes blazing in fury and hate. The Joeys coach though didn’t go in for all that face slapping hysterics. The quiet, reflective study he had done told him otherwise. He was a devotee of Sun Tzu and above his desk he had a quote framed. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” This was the difference between the two teams. One was at inner peace as they knew their opponent well so hence no fear, the other was trying to disguise their fear with a mask of aggression and over confidence.

Now the game began.

I will not dull you with details. The game was an arm wrestle between two super powers. Both teams cancelled each other out. Even with the superiorbackline firepower, Joeys were blunted by stubborn Scots defence. In the early part of the match the Scots 10 snapped a field goal. The reaction was as if they had won the game. Car horns blew, old boys partied and the Scots boys danced that the grandstand that started to shake. Not long later the Scots supporters held their collective breath as the Joeys winger, O’Hearn flashed 70m down his left wing, right in front of the Scots boys’ eyes. He was bundled into touch eventually. The Scots boys made sure he never saw the ball again. Just before half time Joeys took a penalty goal to make it 3-3. Both teams refused to give an inch. But both teams were tiring, one was noticeably losing half a step. The pace could not continue into the second half. Could it?

The game itself reached its zenith late in the second half. Joeys were now attacking in waves, crashing upon the rocks of the resolute Scots defence. On two occasions Joeys turned down a penalty shot. They were focused on scoring tries to show they could break the Scottish barricades. With every raid, Scots became more and more desperate to get out of their half. Kicking for touch was not an easy task as the tall Joeys forwards were winning the lineout ball at will. The incredible scrambling Scots defence kept out the ever-eager Joeys team. At one stage Joeys thought they had scored but held up was the call. Both teams were playing for not for a premiership but for pure pride, and Joeys again were now just metres away from the Scots try line. The Scots flyhalf was having trouble getting quick ball from the scrum half. The Joeys loose forwards were putting enormous pressure on him. On two occasions The Scots 10 was almost been swamped but managed to retain possession. With time almost out, Scots again tried the kick the ball down field hoping beyond hope that the Joeys fullback would make a “Campese like”defining mistake.

After a Joeys lineout infringement, a scrum was set 15 metres out from Scots try line with Scots feed. The Joeys boys decided to try something different. The flyhalf and the winger, O’Hearn, swapped places. He had incredible acceleration and was intimidating sight when he ran at you. Scot’s boys were whistling loudly for the game to end. Old boys blared car horns and were being a disgrace, a fine tradition they have upheld. The ball went into the scrum and Scots won it cleanly. The scrumhalf passed and O’Hearn took off like a missile for the Scots 10. In panic, he passed the ball to his inside centre to make the clearing kick, but the Scots 12 had already taken off down field following the kick that never came. Hence, the pass from the Scots fly half spilt onto the open ground behind the Scots 12. The Joeys 12 who had run up to apply pressure suddenly found the ball all to himself in space. The crowd held their breath, silence even enveloped the ground for that moment. And just like that, the Joeys 12 picked up the ball and scored under the posts without a hand being laid on him. The conversion was marked by some horrible colour from the hill plus some jeers from the Scots boys. Full time. Joeys won 9-3. Both teams slumped to the ground. There was nothing more to give. As a sign of respect, the Joeys studentswalked across the field as one and stood in front of the Scots boys. The students gave Scots three cheers. And somewhere in the golden inner west, on top of a sandstone building a statue of Our Lady smiled…again.

Tremendous yarn @Joker - thanks for sharing

 

[scrumhead99]

TIPS PLEASE
Apologies for being late.

View attachment 20000

Kings +12
View +3
Joeys +12

 

[Balmain Subbies]

Admitted schoolboy here but these are my takes as GPS returns for the season

Joeys-By far the most consistent team this season with a dominant cohort. The Joey's squad has combined a strong year 12 group with an exceptionally promising year 11 group and besides their single loss have looked extremely strong favourites for the prem. If they beat Scots this weekend I think the aforementioned prem is all but sealed for the squad

Shore-Struggles at the start likely caused by some new additions to the squad have settled and the team has proven to be able to contend at a very high level seen by their performance against Riverview and Scots in recent rounds

Newington-Very rough start but they've picked up strong with their forward pack being one of the best in the competition not much to say for this year but a good contender for next year

Kings-only one selection in GPS squads doesn't even really begin to express the quality of this team. While a bit unfortunate this year they've played an extremely gritty and determined style of footy this year and their win against Joey's proved that this competition never really has a far-and-away best team. I see Kings being the runners-up in the competition with a late push and a good stretch of games being all they need

Scots-Not extremely high expectations coming into the year and starting off the season with a draw summed it up. However, these boys have still exceeded my personal expectations of the squad and have pulled off some excellent performances

Riverview-An exceptionally promising start to the season has been followed by some very rough games. A great performance against Joey saw them fall just short however, I see them finishing strong and given the tightness of the ladder could very well make a break towards the top


Predicted Ladder (END OF SEASON)
Joeys
Kings
Shore
Riverview
Newington
Scots

-Superman

Tell me you support Kings without telling me

 

[Srgnt Short Ball]

View attachment 20004

Tales from the wise, old badger

NOTE. I wrote this in 2022 for a friend who played in the game but due to health he has lost a memory of it. This brought a smile to his face.

WARNING- It is long.

The legendary tale of the 1981 Joeys v Scots match has been told thousands of times by those who claim they were there. This game is retold across the generations in dormitories and is burnt into the psyche of all Joe Boys. This history remains like a festering sore that will never heal for Scots Old Boys. Many agree it was an ugly field goal that wobbled its way through the posts, a clock that seemed to showing full time for at least 23 minutes according to plenty of Scots boys, a tsunami of boys flooding the field and the agony and ecstasy of a game for the ages all played out on a dusty paddockat Hunters Hill. What many do not know is the ScotsCollege response the following year when Joeys played at the Deathstar

365 days had passed and tension grew in the AAGPS world as this return match drew closer. In 1982 pundits had the Joeys team equal favourites to sharethe shield with possibly Kings, maybe Shore and Scots. All three of these schools had impressive firepower across the park; the Kings forwards looking particular strong, Shore was fitter than most and Scots employing a simple but brutal line of attack. While not as strong as the other two, many had tipped Scots to cause greater nuisance for the favourites in the season. In fact, the game relived today through my cerise and blue memory was such a game. If Scots won, Kings were set to pounce on the cattle dog stumble. Most of the Scots 1981 squad was still at the school (none were playing triangles…that came later) but the inspirational Colin Scotts was now living his NFL dreams at the University of Hawaii. Scots were well coached by the highly esteemed Tony Melrose. It was a team that excelled in blunt force trauma. Their style was like using a sledgehammer to open a boiled egg and to slap your face with a lace glove containing a bowling ball.

In the trial games many teams became road kill to the Scottish dreadnaught who grew in confidence andstature mainly because of the newly opened Plumer Road chicken shop. Going into this game they hadskittled the Kings like nine pins, muscled Shore and were ready to blow away the next offering. Standing in their way of their God given AAGPS Glory and world domination was Joeys, the perennial party crashers who shattered many a AAGPS dream for schools since 1894. After the miracle of 81, Joeys were now viewed as Scots College number one enemy. As the rounds progressed it was obvious that this clash would shake the pillars of private school rugby. It was going to be a battle between siege mentality of brutal attack and blunt defence of Scots vs the run, doggies run mantra of Joeys.

Joeys were fortunate to have some talented players back from 1981 (some critics were saying they were 20 years old). In 1982 Joeys were blessed with the outstanding Australian Schoolboys captain of Paul Farrell in number 8 and future Australian Schools players of Rob Renete (R.I.P) and Andrew Vince. What was the strength though was the very slick backline with Sean Flanagan (Aus Schools 1983), the Campese of Sydney schools’ rugby and the one-man wrecking machine in open play, Gerard O’Hearn(Aus Schools 1982). These weapons were all steered across the park under the silky directions of “Jock” Kearney. The Joeys backs in the early rounds had racked plenty of points. Even so, the Scots backline and forward pack had demonstrated their well drilled attack and iron wall like defence. It was only now a matter of time when the cerise and blue army would visit and swarm the Death Star at Bellevue Hill.

And so it was, on an overcast Saturday afternoon did the Catholic horde of pâturage du ciel ride in the fleet of North-Western buses travel to the Dark empire of the east. On arrival at the Deathstar it was obvious this match would be keenly followed. The old hill (best place to watch) and street outside the fence were heaving with Scots old boys in fine voice. Plenty of crude banter and beer with the occasional old boy forgetting his place and losing his Golden Sheaf lunch on the footpath. Assembled along the western touchline was the entire Scots College Years 5-12. New portable grandstands had been hired. Nothing like what is there is today. These stands stretched high into the blue and from the other side of the oval it was like gazing at a wall of black coats. The noise coming from them was deafening. The match was compulsory, “all hands to the wheel”. No excuses. Scots to the fore! Posters were everywhere.Even during the week, the boys assembled on Scots main for cheering practice and by accounts the young ladies at Kambala College heard it (mind you there was a wicked westerly). On the balcony the Scots headmaster had special seating placed so staff (compulsory) could support their school. I myself was positioned on the hard ground on the eastern sideline where there are no grandstands. No seating was provided. Even the Joeys coaches had to come to our side and sit on the ground. But Spartan men don’t mind spartan conditions. Many Joe boys simply stood all match just so they could see. The crowd was nervous but you wouldn’t know it from the first cheer of each school.

Time has come. A small boy scampered across Kirkland Oval to let the team know it was game time. The Joeys 1st XV left their cramped, damp change room under the old gym next to the pool. They climbed the crumbling steep stairs onto Kirkland oval and then crossed over to the dead ball area of the main. Here there stood patiently waiting for the referee to whistle them on. The team looked nervous just like a cluster of Christians entering the colosseum filled with lions. As they stood in the cool southerly breeze, the air was filled with the sound of strangled cats. It was the Scots senior pipe and drums band making an unlisted performance in the days program. Joeys were given no notice. The bandentered the grounds via the road from the tennis court/Royle House end of the College and marched smartly to the middle of the field. For the next 10 minutes they went through all the classic pipe tunes like “I’m an asthmatic pig”, “Cowards of Scotland” and “Squids do it better” while they stood in theirtartan skirts blowing in the breeze. When they finally left the field, there was a signal from a lad dressed as a Highland warrior for all Scots boys to assemble.

Like a swarm of black beetles, the Scots boys swarmed the field. In my life I have seen some incredible tunnels. Newington, Riverview even Grammar but nothing came close to this. This was the greatest. It snaked its way back and forth across the field eventually ending at the halfway line. The doors of the old change rooms blew open and four pipers emerged playing something like, “I am boyand I like wearing skirts” as they led the Scots team out. The players eyes were gleaming, cheeks puffing and their golden hair flowing. Huge gold banners joined the procession with the rampant lion blowing in the breeze. At one stage the pipers and bannerspeeled away and the team then sprinted with the warrior in front leading the rest of the way through the tunnel, at least 300m worth and soon they found the halfway line. There they stood, chests heaving, gulping in as much air as a possible, their faces now red with over stimuli. The smartly dressed referee appeared and whistled for the Joeys lads to run on.The crowd held their breath. They had witnessed the greatest Scots “introduction” in history (I’m sorry it even shaded the 1993 one). You could hear a pin drop and then Joeys “challenge” began

The sound was like a tsunami crashed down, drowning you in deafening decibel depths. This defiant roar was the loudest I have ever heard Joeys. The Joeys boys were fuming and angry because of the over-the-top histrionics. Here was their response to slam the Scots boys back with the only weapon they had. Sonic fury. “WALK ON….WALK ON…” rang around the cauldron that is the Death Star. The words smashed against the buildings. Windows rattled, bricks came loose, dogs barked in the streets of Paddington, Kerry Packer rang to complain (He lived up the road) and all the while, instead of sprinting to the field, the Joeys boys deliberately walked, slowly, purposely with menace in their eyes.

In the old days team used to give three cheers beforethe game to the opposition. It was a quaint tradition but, in this game, quaint it was not. Scots linked arms and together they gave the loudest three cheers I haveheard. They bellowed their thunderous cheer into the ground in a manner you expect from an All-Black test. Their sound woke the dead in the local cemetery and energized the huge Scots crowd. The storm troopers started to roar, jeer, scream and pump themselves up. They believed this sonic intimidation was going intimidate the Joeys team. The Joeys response? Without linking arms, standing freely the team gave a very slow three cheers. All players barely saying “hurrah”. All the while they had their eyes fixed on the opposition eyes. Like a lion stalking its prey. Somewhere deep inside all Scots boys a small seed of doubt took root. They ignored it for now. Pain was coming.

# Note. During the week the esteemed AFL legend player and coach Ron Barrasi had been employed by Scots to get the team super hyped up for the weekend. He did his job it seemed with the Scots boy’s eyes blazing in fury and hate. The Joeys coach though didn’t go in for all that face slapping hysterics. The quiet, reflective study he had done told him otherwise. He was a devotee of Sun Tzu and above his desk he had a quote framed. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” This was the difference between the two teams. One was at inner peace as they knew their opponent well so hence no fear, the other was trying to disguise their fear with a mask of aggression and over confidence.

Now the game began.

I will not dull you with details. The game was an arm wrestle between two super powers. Both teams cancelled each other out. Even with the superiorbackline firepower, Joeys were blunted by stubborn Scots defence. In the early part of the match the Scots 10 snapped a field goal. The reaction was as if they had won the game. Car horns blew, old boys partied and the Scots boys danced that the grandstand that started to shake. Not long later the Scots supporters held their collective breath as the Joeys winger, O’Hearn flashed 70m down his left wing, right in front of the Scots boys’ eyes. He was bundled into touch eventually. The Scots boys made sure he never saw the ball again. Just before half time Joeys took a penalty goal to make it 3-3. Both teams refused to give an inch. But both teams were tiring, one was noticeably losing half a step. The pace could not continue into the second half. Could it?

The game itself reached its zenith late in the second half. Joeys were now attacking in waves, crashing upon the rocks of the resolute Scots defence. On two occasions Joeys turned down a penalty shot. They were focused on scoring tries to show they could break the Scottish barricades. With every raid, Scots became more and more desperate to get out of their half. Kicking for touch was not an easy task as the tall Joeys forwards were winning the lineout ball at will. The incredible scrambling Scots defence kept out the ever-eager Joeys team. At one stage Joeys thought they had scored but held up was the call. Both teams were playing for not for a premiership but for pure pride, and Joeys again were now just metres away from the Scots try line. The Scots flyhalf was having trouble getting quick ball from the scrum half. The Joeys loose forwards were putting enormous pressure on him. On two occasions The Scots 10 was almost been swamped but managed to retain possession. With time almost out, Scots again tried the kick the ball down field hoping beyond hope that the Joeys fullback would make a “Campese like”defining mistake.

After a Joeys lineout infringement, a scrum was set 15 metres out from Scots try line with Scots feed. The Joeys boys decided to try something different. The flyhalf and the winger, O’Hearn, swapped places. He had incredible acceleration and was intimidating sight when he ran at you. Scot’s boys were whistling loudly for the game to end. Old boys blared car horns and were being a disgrace, a fine tradition they have upheld. The ball went into the scrum and Scots won it cleanly. The scrumhalf passed and O’Hearn took off like a missile for the Scots 10. In panic, he passed the ball to his inside centre to make the clearing kick, but the Scots 12 had already taken off down field following the kick that never came. Hence, the pass from the Scots fly half spilt onto the open ground behind the Scots 12. The Joeys 12 who had run up to apply pressure suddenly found the ball all to himself in space. The crowd held their breath, silence even enveloped the ground for that moment. And just like that, the Joeys 12 picked up the ball and scored under the posts without a hand being laid on him. The conversion was marked by some horrible colour from the hill plus some jeers from the Scots boys. Full time. Joeys won 9-3. Both teams slumped to the ground. There was nothing more to give. As a sign of respect, the Joeys studentswalked across the field as one and stood in front of the Scots boys. The students gave Scots three cheers. And somewhere in the golden inner west, on top of a sandstone building a statue of Our Lady smiled…again.

a true story teller!!

 

[Balmain Subbies]

@Joker
Kings +3
New +3
Scots +8

 

[sundayeightpm]

View attachment 20004

Tales from the wise, old badger

NOTE. I wrote this in 2022 for a friend who played in the game but due to health he has lost a memory of it. This brought a smile to his face.

WARNING- It is long.

The legendary tale of the 1981 Joeys v Scots match has been told thousands of times by those who claim they were there. This game is retold across the generations in dormitories and is burnt into the psyche of all Joe Boys. This history remains like a festering sore that will never heal for Scots Old Boys. Many agree it was an ugly field goal that wobbled its way through the posts, a clock that seemed to showing full time for at least 23 minutes according to plenty of Scots boys, a tsunami of boys flooding the field and the agony and ecstasy of a game for the ages all played out on a dusty paddock at Hunters Hill. What many do not know is the Scots response the following year when Joeys played at the Deathstar

365 days had passed and tension grew in the AAGPS world as this return match drew closer. In 1982 pundits had the Joeys team equal favourites to share the shield with possibly Kings, maybe Shore and Scots. All three of these schools had impressive firepower across the park; the Kings forwards looking particular strong, Shore was fitter than most and Scots employing a simple but brutal line of attack. While not as strong as the other two, many had tipped Scots to cause greater nuisance for the favourites in the season. In fact, the game relived today through my cerise and blue memory was such a game. If Scots won, Kings were set to pounce on the cattle dog stumble. Most of the Scots 1981 squad was still at the school (none were playing triangles…that came later) but the inspirational Colin Scotts was now living his NFL dreams at the University of Hawaii. Scots were well coached by the highly esteemed Tony Melrose. It was a team that excelled in blunt force trauma. Their style was like using a sledgehammer to open a boiled egg and to slap your face with a lace glove containing a bowling ball.

In the trial games many teams became road kill to the Scottish dreadnaught who grew in confidence and stature mainly because of the newly opened Plumer Road chicken shop. Going into this game they had skittled the Kings like nine pins, muscled Shore and were ready to blow away the next offering. Standing in their way of their God given AAGPS Glory and world domination was Joeys, the perennial party crashers who shattered many a AAGPS dream for schools since 1894. After the miracle of 81, Joeys were now viewed as Scots College number one enemy. As the rounds progressed it was obvious that this clash would shake the pillars of private school rugby. It was going to be a battle between siege mentality of brutal attack and blunt defence of Scots vs the run, doggies run mantra of Joeys.

Joeys were fortunate to have some talented players back from 1981 (some critics were saying they were 20 years old). In 1982 Joeys were blessed with the outstanding Australian Schoolboys captain of Paul Farrell in number 8 and future Australian Schools players of Rob Renete (R.I.P) and Andrew Vince. What was the strength though was the very slick backline with Sean Flanagan (Aus Schools 1983), the Campese of Sydney schools’ rugby and the one-man wrecking machine in open play, Gerard O’Hearn (Aus Schools 1982). These weapons were all steered across the park under the silky directions of “Jock” Kearney. The Joeys backs in the early rounds had racked plenty of points. Even so, the Scots backline and forward pack had demonstrated their well drilled attack and iron wall like defence. It was only now a matter of time when the cerise and blue army would visit and swarm the Death Star at Bellevue Hill.

And so it was, on an overcast Saturday afternoon did the Catholic horde of pâturage du ciel ride in the fleet of North-Western buses travel to the Dark empire of the east. On arrival at the Deathstar it was obvious this match would be keenly followed. The old hill (best place to watch) and street outside the fence were heaving with Scots old boys in fine voice. Plenty of crude banter and beer with the occasional old boy forgetting his place and losing his Golden Sheaf lunch on the footpath. Assembled along the western touchline was the entire Scots College Years 5-12. New portable grandstands had been hired. Nothing like what is there is today. These stands stretched high into the blue and from the other side of the oval it was like gazing at a wall of black coats. The noise coming from them was deafening. The match was compulsory, “all hands to the wheel”. No excuses. Scots to the fore! Posters were everywhere.Even during the week, the boys assembled on Scots main for cheering practice and by accounts the young ladies at Kambala College heard it (mind you there was a wicked westerly). On the balcony the Scots headmaster had special seating placed so staff (compulsory) could support their school. I myself was positioned on the hard ground on the eastern sideline where there are no grandstands. No seating was provided. Even the Joeys coaches had to come to our side and sit on the ground. But Spartan men don’t mind spartan conditions. Many Joe boys simply stood all match just so they could see. The crowd was nervous but you wouldn’t know it from the first cheer of each school.

Time had come. A small boy scampered across Kirkland Oval to let the team know it was game time. The Joeys 1st XV left their cramped, damp change room under the old gym next to the pool. They climbed the crumbling steep stairs onto Kirkland oval and then crossed over to the dead ball area of the main. Here there stood patiently waiting for the referee to whistle them on. The team looked nervous just like a cluster of Christians entering the colosseum filled with lions. As they stood in the cool southerly breeze, the air was filled with the sound of strangled cats. It was the Scots senior pipe and drums band making an unlisted performance in the days program. Joeys were given no notice. The band entered the grounds via the road from the tennis court/Royle House end of the College and marched smartly to the middle of the field. For the next 10 minutes they went through all the classic pipe tunes like “I’m an asthmatic pig”, “Cowards of Scotland” and “Squids do it better” while they stood in their tartan skirts blowing in the breeze. When they finally left the field, there was a signal from a lad dressed as a Highland warrior for all Scots boys to assemble.

Like a swarm of black beetles, the Scots boys swarmed the field. In my life I have seen some incredible tunnels. Newington, Riverview even Grammar but nothing came close to this. This was the greatest. It snaked its way back and forth across the field eventually ending at the halfway line. The doors of the old change rooms blew open and four pipers emerged playing something like, “I am boy and I like wearing skirts” as they led the Scots team out. The players eyes were gleaming, cheeks puffing and their golden hair flowing. Huge gold banners joined the procession with the rampant lion blowing in the breeze. At one stage the pipers and banners peeled away and the team then sprinted with the warrior in front leading the rest of the way through the tunnel, at least 300m worth and soon they found the halfway line. There they stood, chests heaving, gulping in as much air as a possible, their faces now red with over stimuli. The smartly dressed referee appeared and whistled for the Joeys lads to run on.The crowd held their breath. They had witnessed the greatest Scots “introduction” in history (I’m sorry it even shaded the 1993 one). You could hear a pin drop and then Joeys “challenge” began

The sound was like a tsunami crashed down, drowning you in deafening decibel depths. This defiant roar was the loudest I have ever heard Joeys. The Joeys boys were fuming and angry because of the over-the-top histrionics. Here was their response to slam the Scots boys back with the only weapon they had. Sonic fury. “WALK ON….WALK ON…” rang around the cauldron that is the Death Star. The words smashed against the buildings. Windows rattled, bricks came loose, dogs barked in the streets of Paddington, Kerry Packer rang to complain (He lived up the road) and all the while, instead of sprinting to the field, the Joeys boys deliberately walked, slowly, purposely with menace in their eyes.

In the old days team used to give three cheers beforethe game to the opposition. It was a quaint tradition but, in this game, quaint it was not. Scots linked arms and together they gave the loudest three cheers I haveheard. They bellowed their thunderous cheer into the ground in a manner you expect from an All-Black test. Their sound woke the dead in the local cemetery and energized the huge Scots crowd. The storm troopers started to roar, jeer, scream and pump themselves up. They believed this sonic intimidation was going intimidate the Joeys team. The Joeys response? Without linking arms, standing freely the team gave a very slow three cheers. All players barely saying “hurrah”. All the while they had their eyes fixed on the opposition eyes. Like a lion stalking its prey. Somewhere deep inside all Scots boys a small seed of doubt took root. They ignored it for now. Pain was coming.

# Note. During the week the esteemed AFL legend player and coach Ron Barrasi had been employed by Scots to get the team super hyped up for the weekend. He did his job it seemed with the Scots boy’s eyes blazing in fury and hate. The Joeys coach though didn’t go in for all that face slapping hysterics. The quiet, reflective study he had done told him otherwise. He was a devotee of Sun Tzu and above his desk he had a quote framed. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” This was the difference between the two teams. One was at inner peace as they knew their opponent well so hence no fear, the other was trying to disguise their fear with a mask of aggression and over confidence.

Now the game began.

I will not dull you with details. The game was an arm wrestle between two super powers. Both teams cancelled each other out. Even with the superior back line firepower, Joeys were blunted by stubborn Scots defence. In the early part of the match the Scots 10 snapped a field goal. The reaction was as if they had won the game. Car horns blew, old boys partied and the Scots boys danced that the grandstand that started to shake. Not long later the Scots supporters held their collective breath as the Joeys winger, O’Hearn flashed 70m down his left wing, right in front of the Scots boys’ eyes. He was bundled into touch eventually. The Scots boys made sure he never saw the ball again. Just before half time Joeys took a penalty goal to make it 3-3. Both teams refused to give an inch. But both teams were tiring, one was noticeably losing half a step. The pace could not continue into the second half. Could it?

The game itself reached its zenith late in the second half. Joeys were now attacking in waves, crashing upon the rocks of the resolute Scots defence. On two occasions Joeys turned down a penalty shot. They were focused on scoring tries to show they could break the Scottish barricades. With every raid, Scots became more and more desperate to get out of their half. Kicking for touch was not an easy task as the tall Joeys forwards were winning the lineout ball at will. The incredible scrambling Scots defence kept out the ever-eager Joeys team. At one stage Joeys thought they had scored but held up was the call. Both teams were playing for not for a premiership but for pure pride, and Joeys again were now just metres away from the Scots try line. The Scots flyhalf was having trouble getting quick ball from the scrum half. The Joeys loose forwards were putting enormous pressure on him. On two occasions The Scots 10 was almost been swamped but managed to retain possession. With time almost out, Scots again tried the kick the ball down field hoping beyond hope that the Joeys fullback would make a “Campese like”defining mistake.

After a Joeys lineout infringement, a scrum was set 15 metres out from Scots try line with Scots feed. The Joeys boys decided to try something different. The flyhalf and the winger, O’Hearn, swapped places. He had incredible acceleration and was intimidating sight when he ran at you. Scot’s boys were whistling loudly for the game to end. Old boys blared car horns and were being a disgrace, a fine tradition they have upheld. The ball went into the scrum and Scots won it cleanly. The scrumhalf passed and O’Hearn took off like a missile for the Scots 10. In panic, he passed the ball to his inside centre to make the clearing kick, but the Scots 12 had already taken off down field following the kick that never came. Hence, the pass from the Scots fly half spilt onto the open ground behind the Scots 12. The Joeys 12 who had run up to apply pressure suddenly found the ball all to himself in space. The crowd held their breath, silence even enveloped the ground for that moment. And just like that, the Joeys 12 picked up the ball and scored under the posts without a hand being laid on him. The conversion was marked by some horrible colour from the hill plus some jeers from the Scots boys. Full time. Joeys won 9-3. Both teams slumped to the ground. There was nothing more to give. As a sign of respect, the Joeys students walked across the field as one and stood in front of the Scots boys. The students gave Scots three cheers. And somewhere in the golden inner west, on top of a sandstone building a statue of Our Lady smiled…again.

A great story and very well written...for those who are time poor or not that interested in Joeys or Scots folklore, here is a summarised version ;-)

The legendary 1981 Joeys vs. Scots rugby match is a storied event, deeply embedded in the memories of both schools’ alumni. The controversial game featured a disputed field goal and an extended clock, ending in a dramatic victory for Joeys. This win haunted Scots, leading to intense anticipation for their rematch in 1982. Both teams, equipped with skilled players and strategic coaches, faced off in a highly charged atmosphere. Scots, inspired by aggressive tactics and pre-match hype, clashed with Joeys’ composed and tactical approach. The game was fiercely contested, with Joeys ultimately prevailing 9-3 after a late, decisive try, leaving a lasting impression on both schools’ rugby histories.

 

[runningrugbyrules]

I highly doubt the accuracy of this list, it would be very hard to compare across countries given the difference in playing standards.

Yours in speculation,
The Lock

You know it’s dodgy when they can’t even get the correct Aussies in the list, let alone comparing them to other countries

List probably written by the NSW Waratahs recruitment panel

 

[Joker]

A great story and very well written...for those who are time poor or not that interested in Joeys or Scots folklore, here is a summarised version ;-)

The legendary 1981 Joeys vs. Scots rugby match is a storied event, deeply embedded in the memories of both schools’ alumni. The controversial game featured a disputed field goal and an extended clock, ending in a dramatic victory for Joeys. This win haunted Scots, leading to intense anticipation for their rematch in 1982. Both teams, equipped with skilled players and strategic coaches, faced off in a highly charged atmosphere. Scots, inspired by aggressive tactics and pre-match hype, clashed with Joeys’ composed and tactical approach. The game was fiercely contested, with Joeys ultimately prevailing 9-3 after a late, decisive try, leaving a lasting impression on both schools’ rugby histories.

You omitted my bagpipe tune names.

 

[Joker]

@Joker
Kings +3
New +3
Scots +8

Looking forward to catching up. Promise I will behave.

 

[Srgnt Short Ball]

Looking forward to catching up. Promise I will behave.

the cornerstone of a Saturday well spent! Will you be able to make it to the remaining 4 rounds considering your health?

 

[Joker]

the cornerstone of a Saturday well spent! Will you be able to make it to the remaining 4 rounds considering your health?

Possible. Depends on weather and access. I won’t be going to that sham at Leichhardt oval. Robbing yr 12 boys a chance to face their old enemy on home soil is a disgrace

 

[Srgnt Short Ball]

Possible. Depends on weather and access. I won’t be going to that sham at Leichhardt oval. Robbing yr 12 boys a chance to face their old enemy on home soil is a disgrace

agreed Leichhardt just cannot stand up against a home game. I've also heard thorugh the grape vine that riverview are paying outrageous rates to hold the game there. SCHOOLS GONE SOFT!!