Lets finish on a positive personal story. Some forwards may not enjoy this and some may even suggest I was wrong. But in the half union I am sure my shop steward would support me.
I confess to in this match being a ring in.
A very good mate played for Smithfield Rugby.
Anyway he needed to go up the Coast and asked if I could take his place and I agreed, the division was someway down from where I played.
We played a team somewhere on the northern beaches and it was an early match and from memory started around midday. I was 18 full of myself, and on the field was known for being yappie I never shut up constantly yelling at the pigs to work more and kept up a never ending commentary about the pigs from the other side.
Anyway I was 5’ 4” and 9 stone, and the other side I am sorry for forgetting who they were, but they had a giant, he was well over six foot and had a belly of a size I have never seen before. I could not help myself I said as he came on the field is tilting he gave me a stink eye and from that point on I simply was out of control.
I called him 3 kegs very loudly and then explained he belly was to big to be a key or even 2 so I called him 3 kegs. 3k starting yelling at me and what he planned to do. As I said he was so big I believed he could never catch me.
I also confess like many I played soccer as a kid and knew how to drag a ball back to your feet with your studs. Metal studs on the back of a calf dragged back sting like hell and do little damage. I was very skilful at the stud drag back across the calf.
Anyway 3k, is giving me more stink eyes and constantly telling everyone what he plans to do.
Early in the game he tried the old trick [he was a prop the one that created the tunnel with his size for a shorter prop on the other side]. So 3k tries to kick me misses by a fair bit but I grab my knee as if hit by a baseball bat and he gets called out as I struggle to my feet and with the ref giving him a talking to and looking him in the eye I recover kick him in the ankle and get ready to take the free.
He became super mad nay he was in a mood to tear heads off now. Maybe five minutes later he comes in from the side [obviously against the rules] and dives over the ruck aimed at me, I saw him coming stepped sideways then as he lay on the park did the drag back over is calf and he lifted his leg in pain which pushed me off balance and I came crashing down with a well placed elbow to the ear.
3k is now carrying on a fit, we got another free and I kicked a goal and thank him loudly as the ball sailed between the post.
Next scrum he tried to kick me again and with his leg out I did the stud drag across his calf again. Its difficult to describe his mood at this stage he had totally lost it and managed to insult the ref and their captain was called over to clam him down.
His entire team is trying to clam him down, remember in these days only two subs all match and no inter change.
From a line out he came crashing through our line charging at me but his size and bulk it was simple drop the shoulder and step the other way. He sailed past and left a hole the size of the Sydney heads I sped through it and then passed to the wing and we scored a try. Again I thanked him.
All the time I was constantly commenting on the size of his belly and calling him 3 k.
10 minutes out from half time again he charge missed and laying on the ground it was almost cruel I did the stud drag back across his calf.
His rage by now was out of control he climbed off the grass and sung a haymaker missing me by a country mile but knocking out their second rower.
The ref sent him off, and I gave it to him and suggested he went on a diet.
Talk about mad he paced the side line in line with me telling everyone he wants me behind the sheds after the game. So I suggested loudly should I bring condoms. This comment saw him come on the field with the ref again sending him off and coming over to me saying lay off him
Anyway after half time he kept pacing me on the side lines telling everyone what he planned to do to me and its wasn’t pleasant.
I got caught behind a lineout with a poor hand off and the ball bouncing and their forwards charging forward by instinct I kicked the ball on the ground out, there was no time to pick it up. It hit 3 k in the head, his rage if possible lifted although it was a fluke of fluke’s I claimed credit for the skill of the kick.
3k, was now constantly yelling at the ref, at me, and his rage was growing.
I started to get worried he was beyond huge, I was in a strange town.
I expressed to the ref, I was becoming concerned about 3k and my safety.
To my eternal surprise and gratitude the ref stopped the game, walked to the sideline on the half way line and called for the club manager. They produced someone I doubt the club manager but this guy showed up. The ref told the guy [acting club manager] to get 3 k out of the ground or he would stop play.
I was safe and with 5 minutes to go left the field, jumped in my Torana LC [161 motor] and sped home.
Round two would have been funny as I am sure they had something planned for me and then the ultimate insult it was a ring in who is never coming back.
I am sure if you read this and you are 3 k, please accept my sorries.
Bye all and the best of luck with your Rugby desires..
