All-Time Crim 1st XV

[Forcefield]

Bill Clinton? Played lock in school and perjured himself?

 

[Strewthcobber]

Poor old Dell looks in pretty bad company there.....

 

[Quick Hands]

I thought that I might have found a captain/coach for you DP, but alas, it's a different Joseph Stalin.

"My parents aren’t big historians," he laughed yesterday. "Basically, I have an uncle on my mother’s side whose name is Joseph, and an uncle on my father’s side called Staligi, a Tongan name which, in English, translates as Stalin. Both uncles wanted me to have their name and it was either Stalin Joseph or Joseph Stalin, so I’m just glad they went for Joe first."

Read more at: http://www.scotsman.com/sport/more-in-sport/joseph-stalin-to-make-name-in-glasgow-1-633714

 

[The torpedo]

Bill Clinton? Played lock in school and perjured himself?

Bush Jr played a bit IIRC as well.

 

[Rugbynutter39]

messrs Amin and Guevara dropped due to their far broader claims of nefariousness.

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. **SERIAL OFFENDER**
10 W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
11 Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
12 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Andrew Hore: killing seals
Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Brian Lima: GBH
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.

Wider training group

Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
George Smith: charged with assault
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Julian Savea: wifebeating (although upon further reading it sounds like this was an absolute nothing, might drop out if WFTWTG)
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
Roger Randle: suspected rape

Teen thug from Welly rockets onto the bench. Not sure his position?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/provincial/84729614

bashing up four will get you a WTG spot but when 2 of them are women? He makes the match day 23!

Problem is if played against league all crim team they would be playing against an almost test quality league side.


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[Dalai Ninja]

Poor old Dell looks in pretty bad company there...

Maybe Eric Rush is a more apt crim winger? Rush was sentenced to community service for careless driving causing death and injury, presumably due to his skills as a barrister. I doubt we'd get off with a slap on the wrist.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

thats a good find. careless driving causing death and injury sounds way worse than snorting some coke. Or even the twit on the other wing "John Ryan" and his attempted armed hold up. Is that worse than Randle's suspected rape? I dont think so. Plus sounds like Losi Filipo was a winger.

A few things for the selectors to argue about.

 

[Rugbynutter39]

Problem is if played against league all crim team they would be playing against an almost test quality league side.


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Or maybe just play against Cronulla sharks side as enough crims in that side to give any rugby crim side a run for there money


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[Quick Hands]

I thank that Aaron Smith has thrown his hat into the selection ring with some extra-curricular activities in an airport toilet - at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon no less.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/...aaron-smiths-airport-bathroom-toilet-incident

 

[Hugh Jarse]

^^^Dunny Bill Williams would also qualify under that selection criteria, based on his activities at the Clovelly Hotel. At that time I think he was under a mungoball contract, and the partner in passion was yet to marry her test cricketer. Perhaps he and Smith may be qualified to run the water for the respective codes All Time Crim Teams, but not much more.

In both cases has any actual criminal law been broken, and if it has, it would be a rather petty one.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Jaysus, if you're gunna start including anyone who ever got busted bonking a random, you're gunna need not so much a bigger bus as a fleet of them.......

I'm sure you can work out what the double deckers are for

 

[cyclopath]

Jaysus, if you're gunna start including anyone who ever got busted bonking a random, you're gunna need not so much a bigger bus as a fleet of them...

And maybe a flat-bed truck with a bunch of Portaloos as well.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

The selectors Aunty Doris, Dan Crowley, Aunty Raewyn from up the shops, her niece, the babysitter, the baby, and a very confused Wayne Gunston have deliberated long and hard into the night over recent selection conundrums and eventually decided that:

i) B.Clinton should easily qualify for a locking spot BUT, like his worldwide crim cohorts messrs Guevara and Amin, the scope of his criminal actions seems incongruously at odds with the rest of the dipshit plonkers in the AllTime Crim 1st XV lineup who actually made their names playing rugby.

ii)K.Beale’s claim to a WTG spot simply by virtue of “being a dick” is, according to Wayne Gunston, “sententiously spurious.” (once the urinal cakes hidden in his hair eventually seep into his skull Wayne-o’s vocab just goes thru the fuckin roof)

iii)while having messrs A.Smith and Dunny Bill running the water would be quaint, the notion of giving something so trifling as this stupid bog rooting case currently sweeping NZ even one more millimetre of extra media mileage is about as alluring as the prospect as waking up one morning on the Pitcairns oh shi

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Perhaps they could run the ball out to the middle pre-match & get that "one day I'll be big enough & bad enough to be playing this game" buzz I'm sure all the five- and six-year-old Mitre 10 Cup ballkids get..............

 

[Dismal Pillock]

I started typing out a diatribe about not giving Money Bill even one half of one smeg of extra media coverage but this stupid error kept coming up:

Tech Support please

 

[Dismal Pillock]

http://www.looptonga.com/content/dillan-halaholo-convicted-indecent-acts

This drongo rockets onto the bench thanks to some sustained carpark wanking with kiddies present.

Well done, fuckbrains.

Article raises a few questions. Namely, what why where why and why the fuck why. The aggrieved must've jumped out of their cars to bust him? If not, how didnt he get off, if you'll pardon the pun. Surely his lawyer couldve just said, "your honour, my client was merely checking to see if his stickshift was in working order, for a few minutes, in an oddly rhythmical cadence."

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. **SERIAL OFFENDER**
10 W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
11 Eric Rush: careless driving causing death and injury
12 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Dillan Halaholo: sustained carpark wanking. Doing it for the kids.
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Brian Lima: GBH
Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.
Roger Randle: suspected rape

Wider training group

Andrew Hore: killing seals
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
George Smith: charged with assault
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Julian Savea: wifebeating (although upon further reading it sounds like this was an absolute nothing, might drop out if WTfWTG)
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)

 

[Quick Hands]

I think that this guy (Michael Quinn) rockets into contention for a place in the starting side.

I think that child sex-trafficking even beats the guy who killed three people. I'm also embarrassed to say that this guy is Australian.

http://www.news.com.au/world/north-...s/news-story/92a2cc235fc6194ddc9315a0342c3bfc

 

[Highlander35]

What a stupid fucking Moron.

I mean seriously. Beyond the attempted kiddy diddling in the first place, why do it in a different First World Country?

Can they leave him there in a US jail?

 

[The Red Baron]

I think that this guy (Michael Quinn) rockets into contention for a place in the starting side.

I think that child sex-trafficking even beats the guy who killed three people. I'm also embarrassed to say that this guy is Australian.

http://www.news.com.au/world/north-...s/news-story/92a2cc235fc6194ddc9315a0342c3bfc

That made me sick. I'm glad he got caught.

 

[Spieber]

Dismal, I question Steve Pokere's inclusion as surely that was a victimless crime?