All-Time Crim 1st XV

[Dismal Pillock]

Puts it in perspective.

mad eh. for some reason there is a dearth of loosies in the crim fraternity. Therefore Palu hangs onto his spot even though his "crime" is incongruously petty compared to the rest of the All-Time Crim 1st XV forward pack.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=11502696
Ma'afu putting his name up for consideration here by landing himself in police custody but with 2 murderers there in the front row, he has a LOT of work to do to get a start.
"Go away and work on your game" say the selectors. "You have some work-ons. For example, you need to work on your catching and passing killing."

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Palu dropped!

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/rugby/news/article.cfm?c_id=80&objectid=11659947

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd. Sentence pending.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Should've tried to sell them drugs instead.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Brian Lima: GBH
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)

Wider training group
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha. (Will need to steal $4 million dollars to usurp Mr Pokere from 1st XV)
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.

Staff: Q.Cooper (Laptop Analysis)
Coach: D.Crowley
Selectors: D.Pillock, Aunty Agnes and her niece Raewyn (all 3 pictured below)

 

[The torpedo]

George Smith got charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm in 2004.

Could be a look in for the WTG, possibly even the bench

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

@Dismal's gonna love this.......

"Police in the city of Toulouse arrested Kelleher drunk in the streets on Tuesday night (local time), French newspaper L'Equipe reported."

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/...-france-for-destruction-and-domestic-violence

Not enough to displace Catchpole from the XV, possibly not even Cowan from the 23 but must score him a WTG gig, non?

 

[boyo]

Peut-être.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

thank fuck, that arseclown Kelleher only had to look at me funny and he was gonna be in.

starting to wonder if messrs Amin & Guevara really deserve their starting spots, yes, their crimes are worthy but their ability on the paddock remains questionable......

also dropped Moala from starting XV since he got off

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
10 W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Should've tried to sell them drugs instead.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Brian Lima: GBH
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)

Wider training group

G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
George Smith: charged with assault
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes against All Black heritage. **SERIAL OFFENDER**

 

[formerflanker]

George Smith got charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm in 2004.

Could be a look in for the WTG, possibly even the bench

Charged yes, but pleaded not guilty. What was the final outcome? Doesn't look good for selection in the crime team.

 

[The torpedo]

Charged yes, but pleaded not guilty. What was the final outcome? Doesn't look good for selection in the crime team.

Reading his book it says that the case was dismissed after, quote: "the DPP offered no evidence".

He is in the WTG though

 

[Dismal Pillock]

woah, hold the phones, Brainlock Byron's garbage sounding way worse here:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/...-france-for-destruction-and-domestic-violence

• "destruction and domestic violence"
• vandalised a door
• attacked a woman who was with him.
• twice been charged with drink driving
• 2009 he was involved in a brawl following a crash while drink driving.
• two-month suspended jail term
• fined NZ$8700 for driving under the influence of alcohol and violent behaviour from the 2009 incident.
• innumerable impromptu cringeworthy haka's
• every haka he's ever done
• panicking at every Rugby World Cup he ever went to and fucking up everything he touched.
• rooting porn stars and royal family members when I've yet to do either.
• being a colossal wanker

 

[The torpedo]

woah, hold the phones, Brainlock Byron's garbage sounding way worse here:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/...-france-for-destruction-and-domestic-violence

• "destruction and domestic violence"
• vandalised a door
• attacked a woman who was with him.
• twice been charged with drink driving
• 2009 he was involved in a brawl following a crash while drink driving.
• two-month suspended jail term
• fined NZ$8700 for driving under the influence of alcohol and violent behaviour from the 2009 incident.
• innumerable impromptu cringeworthy haka's
• every haka he's ever done
• panicking at every Rugby World Cup he ever went to and fucking up everything he touched.
• rooting porn stars and royal family members when I've yet to do either.
• being a colossal wanker

Starting side now, I presume?

 

[Hugh Jarse]

If @Dismal Pillock has his way, M. Kelleher will shortly have "(c)" after his name.

 

[saulityvi]

If @Dismal Pillock has his way, M. Kelleher will shortly have "(c)" after his name.

I reckon he is the one the rest of the selection panel look up to, not the other way round.

 

[cyclopath]

If @Dismal Pillock has his way, M. Kelleher will shortly have "(c)" after his name.

Except I expect @Dismal Pillock will put 3 *** after the "(c)".

 

[ACT Crusader]

[*]panicking at every Rugby World Cup he ever went to....
[/LIST]

Not that I was a fan, but i thought he was good in that quarter final in 2007. It went to poo when Leonard came on....

 

[green and gold kiwi]

Andrew Hore, in a New Zealand first, three Otago farmers, including former All Black Andrew Hore, were convicted and fined for killing a protected fur seal on the Otago coast, a crime described by Judge Peter Rollo as a "grossly irresponsible, spontaneous act of hooliganism".​

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Roger Randle, the old Chiefs winger? Still on the fence here, might have to call in the ombudsman

https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/rec.sport.rugby.union/QIcy_40iM_c

Rape surely worse than "attempted armed hold-up" so he could get a start

Hore, of course, although killing a farm worker trumps killing a seal so will need to ride the pine until he decides to lift his game and murder someone. Probably not the sort really. Some kind of "sharks kill seals all the time but you don't see them in the 1st XV" gag loitering in there but cant be fucked at the mo

 

[green and gold kiwi]

yea roger (rapist) randall thats him

 

[boyo]

yea roger (rapist) randall thats him

Another nickname could be "Black Jack".

 

[Dismal Pillock]

messrs Amin and Guevara dropped due to their far broader claims of nefariousness...

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. **SERIAL OFFENDER**
10 W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
11 Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
12 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Andrew Hore: killing seals
Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Brian Lima: GBH
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.

Wider training group

Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
George Smith: charged with assault
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Julian Savea: wifebeating (although upon further reading it sounds like this was an absolute nothing, might drop out if WFTWTG)
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
Roger Randle: suspected rape

Teen thug from Welly rockets onto the bench. Not sure his position?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/provincial/84729614

bashing up four will get you a WTG spot but when 2 of them are women? He makes the match day 23!

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Who does squad play against?

Do they play against All time Crim XII (soccer, Hockey), XIII (Loig), XVIII ('Strules), or LVIX (American Gridiron) from other codes ?

Perhaps they need to organise a fixture against the All Time Goody Two Shoes Weak as Piss Boring as Batshit 1st XV? Who would be in that squad?