All-Time Crim 1st XV

[Dismal Pillock]

"Your honour, my father died and that caused all my problems".
"OMG are you Zac Guildford? Could you please sign my gavel?"
"Sure."
"Thanks a lot, big All Black fan here. You're free to go now".


"Your honour, I got drunk and don't recall a thing. By the way, my father died and that caused all my problems".
"OMG are you Zac Guildford? Could you please sign my gavel?"
"Sure."
"Thanks a lot, big All Black fan here. You're free to go now".


"Your honour, I got drunk and don't recall a thing and then I ran out of money so I stole all my grandad's money. Also, my father died and that caused all my problems"
"OMG are you Zac Guildford? Could you please sign my gavel?"
"Sure."
"Thanks a lot, big All Black fan here. You're free to go now".

 

[Rugbynutter39]

haha, surely some sort of "Official International Ambassador to Japan" position in the offing.



ps, selectors have taken the extraordinary step of issuing a statement on "Guilty Guildford".....

I think he is vying to play every position on the all time crim xv

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Now playing the "I've just been diagnosed with ADHD" card.

 

[Drew]

You don’t need a PhD to diagnose him with ADHD. He is A D*ck Head Definitely

 

[Dismal Pillock]

"Mr Guildford, why did you steal that blind crippled orphan child's lunch money then push her down the well?"
"Oh, sorry your honour, my ADHD was on the fritz that day. Also my father died"
"Oh ok case dismissed, go All Blacks".

 

[Dismal Pillock]

2025:

"Mr Guildford, you stand before the court charged with defrauding The Crippled Blind Orphan Children's Fund of NZ of $8, how do you plead?"
"ADHD, Aspergers, Tourettes, Alzheimers, gout, gangrene, leprosy, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Dead Dad Syndrome, ingrown toenails, tetanus, MS, NSA, NBA, NFL, ..."
"Oh just fuck off will you."

 

[Drew]

Don’t forget the restless leg syndrome

 

[Rugbynutter39]

I think dismal you seem to be wanting to make the case for Zac Guildford to be hall of fame nomination for all time crim xv….personally think he needs to up his game as never had the stand out performances others have had…serially stupid yes but not the all time standouts

 

[zer0]

Sure he doesn't have the absolute highs of being a bona fide axe murderer, but his sheer dedication to the art of dickheadery deserves consideration imo. A bit like a Matt Hodgson or Luke Whitelock; doesn't have the natural skills of others in his field but is an honest, diligent, hard working toiler of his trade.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Zac Guildford is absolutely the Alltime Crim 1st XV's most persistent offender. He really knows how to get the selectors attention. Consistently persistently offensive.

However, yes, if he wants to compete with the big boys, he does have a few work-ons.

Let's Review his work-ons;

* axe murdering
* gun murdering
* gun murdering own family members
* the R Word.
* interfering with children
* abductions
* abductions with a view to murdering
* being Byron Kelleher

 

[Rugbynutter39]

Maybe he needs to get a mentor…few good candidates there.

 

[Drew]

Is pitch invasion a crime? Surely Jarvo 69 could at least line up for the anthems and pretend to be part of the team. Actually if someone convinces him it’d be funny to crash the haka, you could recruit a few ABs after he gets kicked to death.

 

[Adam84]

Wallabies attack six-year-old child in Far North Queensland

A six-year-old child has been left injured and shaken after a group of wallabies attacked him at a Far Nort...

www.9news.com.au

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^ holy shit that's some scar the little bloke's gunna have, hope he's OK.

Wallabies are considered an introduced pest species here in NZ & can be pretty much shot on sight...

 

[Drew]

Without making light of the poor kids ordeal, which sounds (and looks) horrific.
But in the spirit of this thread I’d suggest the youngest member of the teams job is being responsible for a vicious wallaby “mascot” like current Wobs touring parties do with Wally the Wallaby

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Jeez only 3 representing Rugby Union here, 1 of whom I've never even heard of.

List of professional sportspeople convicted of crimes - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Tony Neary - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Drew]

If we are short of numbers in the forwards, surely a Greco-Roman wrestler would be handy in ruck and maul situations. And in all fairness to the lists not being comprehensive, league only has two players.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Elton Jantjies

Springboks star arrested after inflight incident

He was charged with malicious damage to property and contravening aviation laws.

www.nzherald.co.nz

 

[Dismal Pillock]

To be fair to the lad, some of those headphone jacks on the sides of the armrests can be quite difficult to find.

Statement issued by the selectors:

Mr Jantjes, we thank you for taking your first steps towards representing The Alltime Crim 1st XV.

However, you do have a LOT of work-ons if you are going to foot it with the rapists and murderers in the 1st XV. A bit of f-ing and blinding in business class isnt exactly murdering the whole cabin crew with an axe is it Elton?

DO BETTER.

BY BETTER, WE MEAN WORSE.

SHOW SOME COMMITTMENT.

COMMIT MURDER.

KILL THEM ALL.


Regards,

--Aunty Doris Gunston.

 

[Drew]

Same path as JOC (James O'Connor), acted a goose on a flight, then he started on his work ons, but weather his heart wasn’t in it or he lacked ability, he never kicked on. Maybe Jantjes will be made of sterner stuff