Dismal you got an updated team list?
1 Parmeet Dabas: murdered 3
2 Zane
Killian: cop killer
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Michael Quinn ©. Melbourne Chargers. Kiddie fucker. He won’t even survive the first ruck.
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. VICE Captain (haha, "Vice", get it, that's even worse than being regular captain of these arseclowns)
10 Paddy Jackson: rape
11 Eric Rush: careless driving causing death and injury
12 Japie Mulder: teen rape
13 Craig Wells. raping children.
14 Alejandro Puccio. triple kidnap/murderer
15 Glen Ella: nicking 20 million from kids charity
Bench
Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
James Dalton: attempted murder
Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Brett Sheehan: DV
Stuart Olding: rape
John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions
Wider training group
Andrew Hore: killing seals
Lorenzo Bocchini: breaking bad meth cook
Carl Hayman: wifebeater
Tony Woodcock: drink driving
Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Ali Williams: coke bust and general gormlessness.
Joel Everson: druggie blamed for cancellation of entire Japanese rugby season
Selby Rickit: assault
Dillan Halaholo: sustained carpark wanking. Doing it for the kids.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)
Scott Higginbotham: assaulting cops
Mafi: kidnapping
Lopeti Timani: doing a Begby
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
George Smith: charged with assault
Poidevin: stockmarket shenanigans
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
Stephen Bachop: wifebeater
Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
Regan King: borrowing chicks $$ to fuel gambling addiction
Sam Burgess: drugs and DV. The only dual international (Alltime Airport XV)
Brian Lima GBH
Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
James O'Connor: cock I mean coke bust. (VERY handy bench option here, covers fullback, wing, the whole fucken backline. get set for a long tenure here, shit-for-brains)
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault
Sevu Reece: bashing up his missus
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Roger Randle: suspected rape
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Wendell Sailor: failed drug test for cocaine banned for 2 years
Yamanaka: failed roid test, banned for 2 years 2011-2013. Bonus points for saying he was "just trying to grow a moustache"
tHE sTAFF
Selectors:
Aunty Doris
Aunty Raewyn from up the shops
her niece
Raewyn the babysitter
the baby
a very confused Wayne Gunston
Academy Team:
Arsenal de Zarate (ARG)
Official Team Mascot:
Nick Phipps in a cow costume
Coach:
Rob Howley: gamblin
Referee:
Egon Seconds
Laptop analysis:
Quade Cooper - computer theft
Team Masseuse:
Alan Jones – public bogs gay sex solicitation
Team Psychiatrist:
Merab Beselia, Georgia VP who shoots own players
Video Analysis:
Alan Jones – re; bogs film at 11
Treasurers:
Nick Farr Jones and Rob Howley
Security:
Doug Roake: murder, robbery. although no deaths under his watch at Richie’s wedding. Well done, shithead.
Team Bus Driver:
Dan Carter – drunk driver
Groundskeeper:
Tony Daly - 500 hours community service for serial theft and driving offences
Ballboys:
Dave Alred and Paul Stridgeon (?)
Equipment/ball maintenance consultants:
David Warner
Steve Smith
Darren Lehmann
a few shady backroom bastards from the New England Patriots.
Physio, in charge of, you know, taping stuff:
Cameron Bancroft
Social Media manager:
Israel Folau
Commissioner of Incorrections:
Francis Kean