Cutter
Nicholas Shehadie (39)
People have short memories. The Twickenham debacle when Baxter was sin binned for not being a competent scrummager burns in my memory.
"Never again" I said to myself as I set out on a quest to identify barrel chested, short legged, stocky female breeders for my Front Row Farm. Having collected breeders from Poland, Russia, Zimbabwe, the Congo, Libya, the US, Japan and the Pacific Islands, my Front Row Factory, situated in rolling foothills at a secret location in country NSW, has been running for 4 years now. With sires such as Keith Woods, Tom Lawton, Kees Meuws, Martin Castrogiavanni and Os du Rant donating semen for these wonderful breeders, the first drop of 11 front rowers is coming up to 3 years and showing great promise.
In 14 or 15 years, we should see some results at schoolboy level and we're hoping, with the intensive daily training, daily Scrum School with live scrummaging starting at 5 years and state of the art nutrition and strength programmes, our first crop will make their international debuts in around 17 or 18 years. 20 or 21 may seem young for a front rower, but these are genetically engineered, elite front rowers. 22 will be the new 30 for these animals.
We are in negotiations with Phil Kearns, Carl Hayman and Benn Robinson to stand this season. We're also interested in the post career physical development of some of the Wallabies' former backs and we are exploring a backs and forwards cross breeding program. The likes of Rod Kafer and Lloyd Walker might prove capable sires and introduce additional skills to the gene pool. Some of the professional darts players also have transferable attributes, physiques and skills for a hooker and we are investigating this as a cross breeding initiative too.
Attributes not normally associated with front rowers such as good looks, intelligence, being a good trainer, discipline and dietry rigidity are desirable and we are using selective breeding to assist us with this. Some of the traditional front row vices such as beer swilling, bad jokes, falling asleep on nights out and poor taste in clothes and women are being bred out of our stock. To be honest, even at this early stage, we're expecting some difficulty losing these characteristics.
We're also seeking private investment from some of the Australian provinces and schools. The Front Row Factory is a big up front cost but the long term pay back is significant. Each player will have a sign on fee which is payable on a diminishing basis for every future contract he (we genetically select only males except for future breeding stock) signs. Obviously sponsors will be entitled to a reduced sign on fee. Players will be prohibited from signing for an overseas team until they reach the age of 30 or this condition is waived (which we're considering doing with some of our yearlings and two year olds to help with cash flow).
At this stage I have knocked back some big money offers from the likes of Touloun but if the ARU and the various provinces don't come to the table soon, I may have to entertain external investors. As you can imagine, the Argentinians, French and Italians, in particular, are very excited.
My dream is to have international standard front rows playing in every club rugby team in Australia and for the Wallabies to be the envy of the scrummaging world.
Yours,
Cutter
CEO Front Row Factory
"Never again" I said to myself as I set out on a quest to identify barrel chested, short legged, stocky female breeders for my Front Row Farm. Having collected breeders from Poland, Russia, Zimbabwe, the Congo, Libya, the US, Japan and the Pacific Islands, my Front Row Factory, situated in rolling foothills at a secret location in country NSW, has been running for 4 years now. With sires such as Keith Woods, Tom Lawton, Kees Meuws, Martin Castrogiavanni and Os du Rant donating semen for these wonderful breeders, the first drop of 11 front rowers is coming up to 3 years and showing great promise.
In 14 or 15 years, we should see some results at schoolboy level and we're hoping, with the intensive daily training, daily Scrum School with live scrummaging starting at 5 years and state of the art nutrition and strength programmes, our first crop will make their international debuts in around 17 or 18 years. 20 or 21 may seem young for a front rower, but these are genetically engineered, elite front rowers. 22 will be the new 30 for these animals.
We are in negotiations with Phil Kearns, Carl Hayman and Benn Robinson to stand this season. We're also interested in the post career physical development of some of the Wallabies' former backs and we are exploring a backs and forwards cross breeding program. The likes of Rod Kafer and Lloyd Walker might prove capable sires and introduce additional skills to the gene pool. Some of the professional darts players also have transferable attributes, physiques and skills for a hooker and we are investigating this as a cross breeding initiative too.
Attributes not normally associated with front rowers such as good looks, intelligence, being a good trainer, discipline and dietry rigidity are desirable and we are using selective breeding to assist us with this. Some of the traditional front row vices such as beer swilling, bad jokes, falling asleep on nights out and poor taste in clothes and women are being bred out of our stock. To be honest, even at this early stage, we're expecting some difficulty losing these characteristics.
We're also seeking private investment from some of the Australian provinces and schools. The Front Row Factory is a big up front cost but the long term pay back is significant. Each player will have a sign on fee which is payable on a diminishing basis for every future contract he (we genetically select only males except for future breeding stock) signs. Obviously sponsors will be entitled to a reduced sign on fee. Players will be prohibited from signing for an overseas team until they reach the age of 30 or this condition is waived (which we're considering doing with some of our yearlings and two year olds to help with cash flow).
At this stage I have knocked back some big money offers from the likes of Touloun but if the ARU and the various provinces don't come to the table soon, I may have to entertain external investors. As you can imagine, the Argentinians, French and Italians, in particular, are very excited.
My dream is to have international standard front rows playing in every club rugby team in Australia and for the Wallabies to be the envy of the scrummaging world.
Yours,
Cutter
CEO Front Row Factory
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