Coaches
• Aussie Scott Johnson, Director of Coaching at Ospreys, is trying to stop the galactico attitude of the younger players, Only those who have had more than 50 games for the club are permitted to have coloured boots – other than black, of course.
Commentators
• Saracens v London Irish
Nick Mullins (commentating with Ben Kay and Austin Healey) - “London Irish is playing one of their last cards: Hala'ufia is replaced by new man,Treviranus, who may well become one of Austin and Ben's favourite players for some reason, as the season wears on.”
Austin Healey: “Second only to Nutley”
• Talking of private parts: sounded painful at the George Sevens when commentator Gavin Cowley mentioned that the Aussie players were “losing balls between their legs.” Ouch.
• Mark Robson in some Northampton match when a reserve came on: “Here comes Samu Manoa – just a spoonerism away from being a country.”
Referees
• Alain Roland Clermont v. Leicester spotted an irregularity when Clermont winger Sivivatu took a free kick. He did the Carlos Spencer trick of tap “kicking” it with his knee. I always imagined that to be an infringement, but afterwards Rolland let him tap the ball properly, and pass it.
• Neil Patterson during Dragons v. Perpignan came up with a new rugby saying. It probably won't catch on as much as “lazy running” or “truck and trailer,” but it was descriptive. He told a player he couldn't “do the Spider”. The player's expression was priceless, but he soon worked out that the ref didn't like him bridging his body over the ball with half his weight on his hands.
I call it the “Dallagio Starfish”, but “Spider” will do.
• Nigel Owens during Leicester v. Clermont after too many players were giving him advice: “If I hear any more conning I will blow a penalty.” Well done Nige; I hope that catches on because that's another thing that gets up my nose.
• Leighton Hodges Gloucester v Connacht in response to Andy Hazell's whinge that Gloucester's scrum got penalised but they had the dominant scrum: “There haven't been enough scrums yet to show you are dominant”. Well done Hodgo – and also for pinging players from both sides for “accidentally” taking up space.
And just quietly, yours truly hates the assumption that the superior scrum is never at fault; seen it lots of times.