Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

[waiopehu oldboy]

SBW thinks he'll be good to go from about week six of the comp:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/rugby/news/article.cfm?c_id=80&objectid=11789385

 

[zer0]

Looks as though The Shambles board is at it again. Apparently they'll be playing a Super Rugby game against the Reds in Apia four days before they face the Lions.

The Blues are poised to announce they will play an official Super Rugby match in Samoa this year.

It's understood the Blues' scheduled home competition match against the Reds on June 2 will now be played in Apia.

The deal is a collaboration with the Samoan Government who also recently poured money into Joseph Parker's successful WBO title fight win over Andy Ruiz Junior in Auckland late last year.

It's believed the Blues' desire to take the game out of New Zealand was influenced by the fact they face the touring British and Irish Lions at Eden Park on June 6 - four days after the Reds clash.

Although there will be logistical challenges for Tana Umaga's team in flying to Samoa for the match and regrouping in time for the clash with the Lions, the Blues board has endorsed a pragmatic approach that recognised that the Reds game is a hard-sell so close to the Lions game.

While the Lions match is set to be a sell-out, the Reds game would not attract the same audience or interest. So taking the match to Samoa has upside despite the logistical challenges.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=11789736

If this is true, then I would assume that a distinctively second string squad will be sent over. But this is the Blues. So the 1st XV will probably be flogged for 80 minutes.

EDIT: But if they had to take the match away from Auckland, why not take it up to Whangarei?

 

[Highlander35]

Whangarei is getting the NZ Barbarians game the same week though, isn't it?

 

[zer0]

You are right. I had forgotten about that match. It's on June 3rd. Right, my alternate alternative suggestion is to stage it at Pukekohe, even though it is, technically, in Chiefs territory.

 

[Ignoto]

Or you know, we could play the game in Queensland, if Suncorp is in use, why don't we just use Balleymoore.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Whatever "personal issues" lead to Patrick Tuipulotu returning home early from EOYT still haven't been resolved:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/rugby/news/article.cfm?c_id=80&objectid=11789599

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Whatever "personal issues" lead to Patrick Tuipulotu returning home early from EOYT still haven't been resolved:

Jesus.

This makes me want to trot out one of them Hitler parody vidclips.

Problem has to be a chick.

Has to be.

They ruin everything.

Looks as though The Shambles board is at it again. Apparently they'll be playing a Super Rugby game against the Reds in Apia four days before they face the Lions.

Being the Blues, Ihaia West is pretty much **GUARANTEED** to break his leg in Apia.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Onehunga Post Office Returns “Absurd” Postcard Back To Sender.

--NZ Herald—

The Onehunga Post Office has returned an “absurd” postcard back to its sender, a Mr D.I.Smalpillock of Onehunga. “First the thing was addressed to a ‘Mr Kofi Annan of Unicef’ which makes no sense at all” said a P.O spokesman. “Plus, the content was so bloody stupid it was a waste of everyone’s time.”

A full transcript of the postcard reads as follows:

Dear Mr Kofi. What’s going on mate? Straight down to business, I want you to place Big Pat’s pythons on the 3 P’s programme. Have you heard of the 3 R’s? Reading, writing and the other one? Well, this is the 3 P’s programme. It stands for ‘Python Protection Programme’. Big Pat’s pythons are now an endangered species! He hurt his hip last year but needed to keep feeding his pythons, to keep the fu**ers huge, and now bad people want to take his fu**ken pythons away from him! This is an environmental injustice. Do something mate! Let’s stop the senseless loss and genocidal bloodshed together!

Regards,

--D.I.Smalpillock of Onehunga.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

You're thinking 'roids? I thought maybe some dodgy pain killer(s) either pre-or post his surgery.

 

[Strewthcobber]

Seen some suggestion that it might be medication for personal issues, like fertility.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

strewth cobber, you could be on to something there:

Even now, media are being cautioned that the situation remains of a deeply personal nature and to proceed in a sensitive fashion.

STIFFY PILLS.

Took too many Viagra on EOYT and had to be sent home due to a stiffy that just would not subside.

MAKES SENSE.

Which leads me back to:

Problem has to be a chick.

Has to be.

They ruin everything.

 

[Micheal]

Onehunga Post Office Returns “Absurd” Postcard Back To Sender.

--NZ Herald—

The Onehunga Post Office has returned an “absurd” postcard back to its sender, a Mr D.I.Smalpillock of Onehunga. “First the thing was addressed to a ‘Mr Kofi Annan of Unicef’ which makes no sense at all” said a P.O spokesman. “Plus, the content was so bloody stupid it was a waste of everyone’s time.”

A full transcript of the postcard reads as follows:

Dear Mr Kofi. What’s going on mate? Straight down to business, I want you to place Big Pat’s pythons on the 3 P’s programme. Have you heard of the 3 R’s? Reading, writing and the other one? Well, this is the 3 P’s programme. It stands for ‘Python Protection Programme’. Big Pat’s pythons are now an endangered species! He hurt his hip last year but needed to keep feeding his pythons, to keep the fu**ers huge, and now bad people want to take his fu**ken pythons away from him! This is an environmental injustice. Do something mate! Let’s stop the senseless loss and genocidal bloodshed together!

Regards,

--D.I.Smalpillock of Onehunga.

Fuck me Dismal I think you've finally broken.

Just when things are looking up for the Blues big bad Patty's gone and overdosed on stiffy pills.

What other secrets will turn up in the Blues players drug tests?

Next thing you know SBW will be tested and gender transition hormones will show up. Or a low grade beaver tranquilliser.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Seen some suggestion that it might be medication for personal issues, like fertility.

Re-reading the stories in light of Strewthcobbers post I can see how this could be some kinda traditional/ herbal fertility treatment gone awry BUT whatever the substance & whether he knew he was taking it, what was in it etc etc, how does a player fail a drug test, get suspended pending the result of the B sample test, and nothing gets said publicly? NZRU & Players Ass'n got some explaining to do here, I feel.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

OH JESUS. Maybe Big Pat is transitioning into becoming a CHICK?

Big Patricia?

I can almost hear the cruel taunts and barbs from the Cantabs already. Big Patsie, Blues blouses, etc, etc. The only sensible recourse to nip this vicious misogyny in the bud is, of course, a forum-wide banning of Waiopehu Oldboy. Just to be on the safe side. Pre-emptive trigger warning hashtag#safe_space

 

[Strewthcobber]

Re-reading the stories in light of Strewthcobbers post I can see how this could be some kinda traditional/ herbal fertility treatment gone awry BUT whatever the substance & whether he knew he was taking it, what was in it etc etc, how does a player fail a drug test, get suspended pending the result of the B sample test, and nothing gets said publicly? NZRU & Players Ass'n got some explaining to do here, I feel.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^^ "explaining" & "making excuses" are two entirely different things .

I've read articles headlined "[insert country] rugby player fails drug test" * before without the player(s) being named. It's called transparency & it lets people know that the sport is at least trying to stay clean. Covering up a failed test is just a bad look IMO.

*here's one I found on PlanetRugby without too much looking:
http://www.planetrugby.com/news/two-south-african-players-test-positive/

EDIT: just to clarify, I'm not having a crack at @Strewthcobber, I'm just saying that the NZR/ NZRPA statement, minus Tuipulotu's name, of course, should've come out in November. Issuing it now that a journo has broken the story smacks of damage control for a failed cover-up.

 

[cyclopath]

strewth cobber, you could be on to something there:
STIFFY PILLS.

Took too many Viagra on EOYT and had to be sent home due to a stiffy that just would not subside.

MAKES SENSE.

Which leads me back to:

There are ways and means. I'm sure they had a big fucken' cold spoon at the very least. Or a picture of Shag in his gruds.

 

[cyclopath]

Re-reading the stories in light of Strewthcobbers post I can see how this could be some kinda traditional/ herbal fertility treatment gone awry BUT whatever the substance & whether he knew he was taking it, what was in it etc etc, how does a player fail a drug test, get suspended pending the result of the B sample test, and nothing gets said publicly? NZRU & Players Ass'n got some explaining to do here, I feel.

Ahem, Cyclo coughs.........*bullshit*.
They all know the rules. The medicos all know what's what. It's a fucken' attempt to bury under bullshit, and not a very good one at that.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^^^ you don't think it's at least possible the medicos had zero involvement? As stated in the unhighlighted parts of my post, I think this is a fuckin' outrage procedurally speaking, but I'm open to the possibility of someone well-meaning but utterly unqualified playing a key role in it. All will be revealed when the B sample result comes out: if it's a bona fide pharmaceutical then, yes, medicos are in the gun but if it turns out to be something "non traditional" then maybe not so much.

 

[cyclopath]

^^^^^^^^ you don't think it's at least possible the medicos had zero involvement? As stated in the unhighlighted parts of my post, I think this is a fuckin' outrage procedurally speaking, but I'm open to the possibility of someone well-meaning but utterly unqualified playing a key role in it. All will be revealed when the B sample result comes out: if it's a bona fide pharmaceutical then, yes, medicos are in the gun but if it turns out to be something "non traditional" then maybe not so much.

I'm sorry, if you get to the All Blacks' level, you know how it works. ANYTHING you take has to be vetted. Stupidity / oversight etc is no defence. I'm sure it will be fluffed to make him look the poor unwitting victim, but I just don't buy it.