2018 Schedule
1 Bye. Oh great, so the Blues miss Round 1 points and start the fucken season at week 2 already dead last in the NZ conference. Great. Just fucken great. Season ruined before they even take the fucken field. Why am I not surprised.
2 vs Highlanders AWAY. Oh God not these bastards again. Blues don't like these well-drilled organised teams with their solid team culture & close bonds of comraderie. It confuses them. L.
3 vs Chiefs HOME. surely the Blues can kickstart their home campaign by taking advantage of the Chiffs depleted ranks to eke out a rare fucken win. Actually I predict a Polynesian b-ball jailbreak win for the Blues here. Man the ramparts, open the floodgates, praise the lord and set phasers to WFT. W
4 vs Lions AWAY. oh shit, these fuckers. The sister kissing mummy mummy we don't WANT to play the big bad NZ teams this season lot. And again, I see they stawt the season with 6 of their first 8 games at home at Ellis Pawk ooops hold the phones, bad luck wankers, I also see the Cantabs, Canes and Landers on your schedule for this season. L.
5 vs Stormers AWAY. it'll probably piss down. Blues don't do wet weather rugby. Or hot weather rugby. L
6 Bye. flight home from Cape Town delayed 3 days after Ofa goes missing. Finally found sitting atop Table Mountain. He thought there would be food up there
7 vs. Sharks HOME. colossal no-fucks-given match up. W.
8 vs Chiefs AWAY. Chiffs will have sorted their shit out by this stage and avenge week 3 loss. L.
9 vs Sunwolves AWAY. in April this time so no repeat of the 40 degree capitulation from last season. Revenge match. Blood in the bukkake queue. W.
10 vs Highlanders HOME. Shit, AGAIN? Why? Why do we have to play these pricks every fucken season? L
11 vs Jaguares HOME. oh great these tuff guys and their macho man scrum shunt oops um guyz there goes Melani Nanai and the Duffman tearing off upfield. W
12 vs Warratahs AWAY. NSFW will be riven by their usual overwrought hand-wringing turmoil by this stage of the season. W
13 vs Hurricanes HOME. 4 of the last 6 matches are vs Canes and Cantabs. TIME TO START COMING INTO SOME FORM TO GEAR UP FOR YOUR RUN AT THE PLAYOFFS LADS OH SHIT L
14 vs Crusaders HOME. god here they come. and again. and again. L
15 Bye. another fucked season almost done, currently won 5 lost 8, once again anchored to bottom of NZ conference. Tana, let's schedule a "training run" at Cornwall Park and take some mushrooms
16 vs Rebels HOME. woah those hallucinogens last week really loosened shit up. finally, an easy fucken W.
17 vs Reds HOME. woohoo another aussie team! Mushrooms for everyone! W
18 vs Hurricanes AWAY. back to earth with a brain-scouring bump. U-G-L-Y. L
19 vs Crusaders AWAY. god but it is a fucken freak show down here. L