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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Derpus

Derpus

Nathan Sharpe (72)
waiopehu oldboy said:
^^^^^^^^^ the Judge didn't seem to think so:

"The jury was shown photographs of Mr Jackson's bloodstained bedsheets. However, the judge ordered other bloodstains on the sheets, which did not come from the complainant, should be "airbrushed" from the photos after the defence argued they would distract the jury. The source of the other blood was never explained in the trial, and Mr Jackson's lawyer told the court he had "no intention of saying where this blood came from"."

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-43739323

Honestly, if I hadn't read it on BBC.com I'd have thought it was FAKE NEWS!!!
Click to expand...

Sounds like grounds for an appeal?
 
Brumby Runner

Brumby Runner

Jason Little (69)
BwTEuSOFLsWfoyj37aRd13ro30Ftu4pA2Cxkh8sS3u6CyFXbOjfHl4F18PtOAwObBLKCyM2dMRkXDUrOsqUXoiNJ5sbTlgwyCcY4w568UUTWRMWPtcvwmoQpkbaXUi1QE_56yLytZE1FuoXU1l-oF3jz0XGN5FW6f9-5hLEFs95eBxFLKH1WyTnmVvp0idK5mIRnB1T27ravF5LAdocUYbUqvQfVwrYqGjzgzHZgbuL5wu41=s0-d-e1-ft


Looks like just the tipple for the selection committee when considering candidates for the All-Time Criminal 1st XV.
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Michael Lynagh (62)
Dismal Pillock said:
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife.
Click to expand...

Mafi's slightly dropped the ball here, he really needed to murder Timani to get the starting #8 jersey. Sometimes it's this lack of real committment that lets bench/WTG players down when it comes to starting for The All-Time Crim 1st XV.

However, he is very much in the running for a starting berth at blindside flank. Perhaps hinging on whether it was technically a kidnapping or more a sort of Goodfellas dump-the-body-on-the-outskirts-of-town scenario going down? The selectors are praying for the latter.
 
Brumbieman

Brumbieman

Dick Tooth (41)
See, you say that he dropped the ball, but it almost sounds like he was giving it a good crack

Australian rugby player Lopeti Timani claims he was repeatedly bashed and bundled into a car in a vicious attack at the hands of teammate and childhood friend Amanaki Mafi in New Zealand a week ago.

Timani claims he endured four hours of terror in south Dunedin after Mafi and his older brother set upon the towering former Wallaby over a swear word Timani used in front of the Mafis' sister, who was present at the time.

Timani, 27, claims he fled the house in fear of his life, was hunted down and bashed again in a nearby park, then dragged into a car and driven around town, before eventually fleeing at traffic lights and hiding in a bush.

Mafi has been charged with assault over the allegations.

The 195cm, 123kg Timani, who decided to tell his side of the story after being contacted by Fairfax Media, said at one point he lay on the ground in a park, pleading with his assailants to stop, and wondered whether he would die there. All the while Timani's eldest brother, Sione, whom he had called in tears after fleeing the house, listened to the attack, helpless from his base in France.

"His brother tried to hold me as 'Naki' [Mafi] started punching me in the face," Timani recalled.

"I said, 'Mate, why are you doing this to me, I thought you were my teammate, I know your family, are you punching me because you're angry because I said something offensive to your family?'

"He was just punching me and he said 'because I'm telling you now I'm the man, I'm the man'. I thought they were going to kill me. I thought I was going to die."


Timani alleges that Mafi and his brother then dragged him by his shirt to their car and held him by his jumper collar as Mafi's brother drove around town.

"I didn't know where they were trying to take me. Naki was just swearing at me in the Tongan rude way. I decided if the car stopped at a red light I would run and try to get back to the hotel."

When the car pulled up at the next intersection, Timani bolted. He claims he ran 200 metres or so before hiding in a bush on the main street and waiting there for 20 minutes, watching out for the Mafis' car, before flagging down a cab. He made it back to the team hotel, the Scenic Circle Southern Cross, at about 6am.

The origin of the attack came under circumstances in which Timani is not proud. He and Mafi, who were in the same year at well-known school Tongan College 'Atele, have been fined $15,000 for being out drinking, in contravention of team protocol. Timani admitted he and Mafi were drinking with Mafi's relatives while they watched the match between the Sharks and Jaguares in Durban at 1am on Sunday, a game on which the Rebels' season depended.

Mafi had invited Timani for dinner at his brother's house after the Rebels' loss to the Highlanders on Saturday night. Timani partook in the family meal and things kicked on as they waited to learn whether the Rebels would be playing in the Super Rugby finals. Timani described a relaxed atmosphere, with the group sharing some laughs and Mafi dancing, before things soured.

"[It was] dumb to be doing that [drinking]," he said. "Naki got offended because I said something offensive in front of his sister, so he started having a go at me, saying I was saying something rude. We had an argument, I was trying to tell him I was sorry and 'I didn't mean to make you angry or offend anyone'.

"He started throwing a punch at me ... his older brother was standing on the side and at that time I thought he was going to stop us or tell Naki to calm down because I'd said sorry ... then his brother decided he would punch me on my face, from the side, and then started bashing me and knocked me [down].

"I was trying to get back on my feet, to get off the ground, and I decided to run, because I felt something was wrong. I got out the door and ran. My face was bleeding and I was crying, so I called my brother, because I didn't know who to call."

Sione Timani tried to calm down his younger brother, but Timani believes it was the blue light of the phone in the dark that led his alleged attackers to him in the park.

"I heard someone say, 'There's Lopeti' ... They chased me again and caught me and started bashing me and kicking me on the ground," he said.

Timani dropped his phone when they allegedly set upon him again, but his brother stayed on the line from France, forced to listen while the attack continued and then when the line went silent, while Timani was bundled into the nearby car.

By the time the taxi dropped Timani back at his hotel, police officers were waiting for him. Fearing for his youngest brother's life, Sione Timani had called every police station and hospital in the city, searching for him.

"They thought I'd died," Timani said. "He told me he listened for an hour and then my phone [went] off."

Police took multiple statements from Timani and charged Mafi later that day with injuring with intent to injure, a charge that carries a maximum penalty of five years' imprisonment. The 28-year-old Japan international appeared in the Dunedin District Court on Monday and was granted bail on the condition he did not associate with his alleged victim. It is understood that Mafi's version of events includes that Timani used a swear word in front of Mafi's female relatives.

Both men are leaving the club at season's end, with Timani and his fiancee, Goldy Floyd, moving to France to take up a contract with La Rochelle.

Timani said he suffered severe facial and bone bruising, bleeding in his ears and concussion symptoms. He was stitched up by the Rebels team doctor and underwent scans in hospital, before being cleared of any major injury. He said he was seeing a counsellor in Melbourne on Saturday to help process what happened.

"I'm speaking because I want people to know it wasn't just a fight between two players," he said. "I can't stop thinking about what happened, I wake up and it's just running through my head."
Click to expand...
 
Up the Guts

Up the Guts

Steve Williams (59)
Dismal Pillock said:
Mafi's slightly dropped the ball here, he really needed to murder Timani to get the starting #8 jersey. Sometimes it's this lack of real committment that lets bench/WTG players down when it comes to starting for The All-Time Crim 1st XV.

However, he is very much in the running for a starting berth at blindside flank. Perhaps hinging on whethere it was technically a kidnapping or more a sort of Goodfellas dump-the-body-on-the-outskirts-of-town scenario going down? The selectors are praying for the latter.
Click to expand...
Surely he gets a gig as the team bus driver if he can’t crack the starting squad.
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Michael Lynagh (62)
.....
claims he endured four hours of terror in south Dunedin​
Click to expand...
Could've been worse.





















Could've spent a whole weekend there.

This one sounds like it needs the whole photo-essay investigative journalism breakdown treatment.

"Your honour, I was just live-trialling a new business venture for Dunedin involving a taxi service with cut-price rates if passengers ride in the boot."​
"So why did you bash the passengers head in first?"​
"So he would forget he was in Dunedin. It is such a bumhole, Sir."​
"I understand completely, you are free to leave."​
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Michael Lynagh (62)
Taiwanese Animation of Mafi's Adventure In Dunedin.​
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Mafi, drunk in Dunedin, objects to Timani using curse word in front of Mafi's sister (sister is pictured below, on the far right)​
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mafi1_zpspd106gh7.jpg
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Timani: "Bollocks."​
Mafi: "THE F**K YOU JUST SAY C**T?"​
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10 minutes later Mafi (pictured above) is driving around Dunedin, looking for a place to dump Timani's bashed and bruised body.​
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flight668_zps1b387a76.gif
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This is not Mafi's sister. ​
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Pay attention.​
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This is James O'Connor in Southern France.​
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flight669_zpsf900012a.jpg
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"FUCK!"​
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Timani flees Mafi's car and runs off!​
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Mafi scours Dunedin, looking for Timani.​
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tumblr_oyap67DCi11tbf8vto1_500.gif
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"FUCKING DUNEEEEEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIIIIN, SUUUUCH A SHIIIITHOOOOOOOOLE."​
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charlie1_zpstarxhjoa.gif
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Mafi tries to shoot Timani. ​
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Instead, he accidentally shoots a giant innocent orange M&M.​

Later, Mafi does actually reapprehend Timani.

But......


flight669_zpsf900012a.jpg
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"FUUUUUUUCCK!"​
Timani flees Mafi's car AGAIN and this time makes it back to team hotel.​
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Dunedin cops apprehend and detain Mafi.​
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charlie3_zpsv7ywxozp.gif
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Dunedin cop and his trusty sidekick Constable Crayfish escort Mafi to jail.​
"But..... but..... the big bad man said the word 'bollock' in front of my sister. HE'S the one you should be arresting."​
"Tell it to Constable Crayfish, motherfucker."​
 
Quick Hands

Quick Hands

David Wilson (68)
Rugbynutter39

Rugbynutter39

Michael Lynagh (62)
Bit disappointed that over the new year period that did not get more contenders lining up for all time Crim xv. I personally think mafi would best be used as a bench impact player where use him to take a key opposition player out of the game. All they need to do is say is the ‘xyz’ opposition player said something about his sister, mother and grandmother, and not only guaranteed to see him take out the key opposition player but ensure mafi is elevated to the starting side the following week.t
 
Rugbynutter39

Rugbynutter39

Michael Lynagh (62)
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