Scoop has stumbled onto the story of the season but apparently doesn't realise it:
For some time it has been desperate at Waratahland - both on and off the field. The NSW marketing gurus are trying to lure the punters in by enticing them in with a two-ticket deal, which included last night and then allowing them to watch a rugby league match next weekend involving the Roosters and the Broncos. Rugby league? Is this a joke?
No, not a joke, Scoop, but probably the idea that will keep the Waratahs away from the liquidators for another year. The two-ticket idea is just a trial run for what will see CEO Jason Allen - hitherto invisible apart from his unfortunately timed statement of support for coach Michael Foley - emerge as the most high profile and sought after sports administrator in Australia.
Allen's brainwave is to offer to play all future Waratahs home games as early fixtures to Rugby League games. That way the Waratahs don't have to pay for ground hire and they can claim the overall attendance figures as their own. In one devilishly clever move costs are slashed and the Waratahs can demonstrate they are surfing a new wave of popularity because of all the people coming to their games.
A potential stumbling block was the ARL's concern that ground capacity might be exceeded, but Allen was able to point to the graph showing the 'Tahs' attendance figures declining asymptotically. In any case, he reassured them, the 'Tahs would pledge to retain the same coaching team and style of play for next season, virtually guaranteeing that most of the few remaining rugby tragics still prepared to come and watch their team would have walked out well before full time.
Written into the Memorandum of Understanding between the two bodies were clauses designed to ensure that the Waratahs did not pull a swifty and attempt to play rugby that might appeal to spectators. Thus Jason Allen and his administrative staff have to be retained even though the relationship between the CEO and one of his most senior direct reports, familiarly known as the Great Survivor, is said to be so strained that security have to sweep the room for sharp objects before the two have their regular meetings.
More importantly, the absolutely non-negotiable demand by the ARL was that Edwin Zemancheff and Arvid Petersen had to remain in charge of the Waratahs board. Zemancheff and Petersen have become renowned as one of the truly great comedy double acts - on a par with Abbott & Costello, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, the Two Ronnies, Roy and H.G, or Dolly Parton for that matter.
In 2008 Edwin and Arvid managed to drive out not one but two of the most competent Australian rugby coaches of the modern era - Ewen McKenzie and Todd Louden, who guided the team to the Super 14 Final. The reason given for the axings - and those of you not still in school at the time will know I am not making this up - was E & A's determination that the Waratahs should play entertaining rugby. We are still seeing the fruits of that stroke of genius. It has been assessed that Edwin and Arvid collectively add up to one wit.
Returning to a world of sanity for a moment, the one hope for the Waratahs' 2013 season is that the long-standing board members fall on their swords, and that a new CEO and new coach are appointed, both of whom are drivers of change and prepared to clean out the mess and detritus of past years.
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