Mike Tindall's 10 Step Guide to Playing away from Home
[video=youtube;bFLFVvnoUPc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFLFVvnoUPc[/video]
1. Choose a classy venue. Go to a place that features a sideshow of borderline discriminatory schadenfreude.
2. Distract your opponent by trying to blindfold them with a napkin. Not only is this task flirtatious but also it is likely to confuse the defence and hopefully create an opening.
3. Play a physical game, don't be afraid of straying off side and playing dirty, nothing like a stiff fend to the head to stun your opponent.
4. If another opponent tries putting you off your game by getting in your face, keep your cool and don't glass them in the face. You don't play rugby league.
5. Don't be afraid of taking shots at your opponent, but you'll probably have to pay for it.
6. If your opponent goes Bakkies on your big bald bobble head, be a gentlemen and take it on the cheek. Don't forget what you do reflects on the Monarchy.
7. When you spot a gap hit the jets and get on the outside. If you get an opponent one on one you'll be far more likely to score.
8. When you get up close in in a maul don't be frightened of throwing an arm around your opponent's neck, technically it's illegal so be discreet. After all, everyone knows how many cameras and sets of eyes are on you all the time.
9. Try whispering offensive sledges in your opponents ear, but make sure you don't say anything loud enough to be heard by the ref.
10. Finally, when playing away remember to be courteous. Never comment on the length of the grass and don't forget to swap shirts.