Ok, this is a JOKE.
"I kid because I love"
If you have no sense of humour, please kindly ask me to remove. I may consider this.
Major selling points of GPS schools.
“as a student at (insert school below) you son will learn the following…..”
Scots College
1. The ability to make friends with other eastern suburbs people who will become the most well-connected cell mates in a few years’ time.
2. To tell the difference between a Krug Grande Cuvée and a Dom Pérignon Plenitude Vintage 2003 by smell alone.
3. How to avoid speeding and parking fines when you tell the police daddy owns half of Norway.
4. The ability to look down one’s nose at an Olympic level at those who live beyond the Kings Cross tunnel.
Riverview
1. That when marrying you may only choose a Loretto girl for a bride. Anyone who marries a Monte girl will be a pariah for life.
2. That the sun does indeed rise in the east and circles around you all day till it is too tired and sets in the west.
3. There is proof that God only loves the rich, intelligent, lower north shore Catholics because Shore never wins the rugger.
4. The sweaty country boys from across the river are never superior even though the scoreboard for over 140 years has said otherwise.
Newington
1. That the word “diet” is considered a four-letter word by Auntie Kalasia who is serving you another plate of Kapisi pulu
2. The badges from a BMW are not worth the effort anymore so look for other cars for your collection.
3. That planes fly so low to the school one can see the dinner menu on flight QF17 to Los Angeles as it wings it way past at 9.25pm.
Grammar
1. That occasionally one will need access to a good Queens Counsel. Lucky for you there will be at least 28 classmates who can help.
2. To run fast as the Hyde Park dash is not optional especially when the bogan skateboarders are waiting for you.
3. That even though you have impressive sporting grounds, the only part Weigall Oval you know is behind the posts.
Sydney High
1. The number of vertices V, faces F, and edges E in a convex 3-dimensional polyhedron, satisfy V + F - E =
2. That Avogadro's number NA = 6.023 × 1023 mol−1is highly over rated and does nothing to swoon the Sydney Girls High ladies next door.
3. Of rumors of things called the AAGPS Head of the River and the AAGPS athletics carnival but you probably will never attend this at all, ever, in your six years at SHS.
Kings
1. The ability to pass blind fold taste test when comparing Osetra, Sevruga and Beluga caviar.
2. How to impress girls when you are dressed in “real” country wear (RM. Williams comfort craftsmen boots ($549), Parson T-shirt ($59) Kupunda zipper sweater ($249) Parafield Jacket ($399), talbot military pant ($199) and an Akubra Cattleman hat ($210) while trying to pass yourself as a “humble bushie”
3. How to speak to reporters when you are playing rugby league for Australia and say with a straight face, “yes, my mother who lived in a caravan and on welfare, paid for my education at Kings.”
Shore
1. That those other long wooden objects are called pencils and are used for writing not paddling.
2. Scavenger hunts are fine as long as you don’t tell the staff and the media. Setting fire to the homeless is a no-no.
3. Mothers in the Northbridge canteen have the best smiles when you use your manners.
4. Even though you have been beaten senseless by everyone, you are loved and admired for trying still.
St Josephs
1. That everyone hates you for being a Joeys boy. That is ok, for there was another bloke raised by a Joseph who once said, “forgive them Lord for they know what they do.”
2. That Riverview boys bring everyone so much joy! You know, when they leave the room. But, still.
3. That even though you may be in a fight, you know you will have 14 other boys backing you up.
4. On Mondays God gave us "chicken schnitty"
The Armidale School
1. That Armidale is where God sends all the bad boys and all the bad girls to freeze and harden up. Plus to learn how to groom a pony!
2. To haggle the price of a Delaine-Merino stud ram compared to a Blue Faced Leicester.ewe
3. 10 hour bus rides to and from Sydney every two weeks, sleep in freezing gyms, cold showers and Joeys breakfasts takes real courage and grit.
4. That every other school has TAS as their favorite competitor when their school has no runner at athletics carnival.
5. That Absque is a proud Old Boy. (cheers and apologies)
Ok, lets hear from you.
