Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond
- Thread starter cyclopath
- Start date
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Local Rugby Team Begin Pre-Season Training.
--NZ Herald--
As part of the World Champion Auckland Blues Rugby Football Team's pre-season training, Blues coach Stern Vern has set his charges somewhat of a challenging task; paddling a little boat all the way down to Christchurch in order to attract the attention of All Blacks coach Razor Robertson.
"You pricks get in that f***** boat and paddle the c*** the length of New Zealand, from Auckland to Christchurch" roared Coach Cotter. "Once you get to f***** Christchurch you paddle the stupid little thing up and down the River Avon and don't f****** come back until that biased Cantab arsehole Razor f***** picks the whole f******g lot of you in the All Blacks. So sick of this fucking biased arsehole's fucking bullshit."
The boat in question.
"Our boat is named the HMS Hoskins Sotutu" said the boat's captain Hoskins Sotutu.
HMS Hoskins Sotutu Captain Hoskins Sotutu, the 2024 Super Rugby Player Of The Year, the 2024 World Champion Auckland Blues Player Of The Year, and, therefore by default, the 2024 World Rugby Player Of The Year went on to say "we will back in Auckland by Xmas, all of us in the All Blacks and lean, mean and primed for the 2025 Super Rugby season wherein we shall unleash blood-soaked vengeance on those Cantab motherfuckers that have wronged us, behold the leaden black skies of Onehunga for they are poised, pregnant and ready to rain down righteous retribution, we told you not to cross us you ***********. Godspeed the Prophecy and may Stern Vern bless this buoyant vessel which I am now renaming to 'The Onehunga Night Train'."
"The Onehunga Night Train", seen
here being readied for its maiden
voyage.
Star 1st 5-eighth Beauden Barrett will not be accompanying the team because he is in Parnell shopping for pair-look pink Gucci handbags with his wife.
--NZ Herald--
As part of the World Champion Auckland Blues Rugby Football Team's pre-season training, Blues coach Stern Vern has set his charges somewhat of a challenging task; paddling a little boat all the way down to Christchurch in order to attract the attention of All Blacks coach Razor Robertson.
"You pricks get in that f***** boat and paddle the c*** the length of New Zealand, from Auckland to Christchurch" roared Coach Cotter. "Once you get to f***** Christchurch you paddle the stupid little thing up and down the River Avon and don't f****** come back until that biased Cantab arsehole Razor f***** picks the whole f******g lot of you in the All Blacks. So sick of this fucking biased arsehole's fucking bullshit."
The boat in question.
"Our boat is named the HMS Hoskins Sotutu" said the boat's captain Hoskins Sotutu.
HMS Hoskins Sotutu Captain Hoskins Sotutu, the 2024 Super Rugby Player Of The Year, the 2024 World Champion Auckland Blues Player Of The Year, and, therefore by default, the 2024 World Rugby Player Of The Year went on to say "we will back in Auckland by Xmas, all of us in the All Blacks and lean, mean and primed for the 2025 Super Rugby season wherein we shall unleash blood-soaked vengeance on those Cantab motherfuckers that have wronged us, behold the leaden black skies of Onehunga for they are poised, pregnant and ready to rain down righteous retribution, we told you not to cross us you ***********. Godspeed the Prophecy and may Stern Vern bless this buoyant vessel which I am now renaming to 'The Onehunga Night Train'."
"The Onehunga Night Train", seen
here being readied for its maiden
voyage.
Star 1st 5-eighth Beauden Barrett will not be accompanying the team because he is in Parnell shopping for pair-look pink Gucci handbags with his wife.
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
YESSS, unearthed an old GIF folder.....
"..... that Dalton Papal'ii, he is too sl
"..... that Dalton Papal'ii, he is too sl
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
IRB Head Apologises for Sotutu Treatment
--NZ Herald--
The Head of the IRB has today convened an Emergency Session in Paris in order to publicly apologise to four representative Auckland Blues board members after Super Rugby Player Of The Year Hoskins Sotutu was cruelly snubbed by new All Black coach Razor Robertson.
"This is worse than 9/11."
"On behalf of the IRB I would like to publicly apologise to the Auckland Blues, the New Zealand Rugby community, all New Zealanders, in fact, all citizens of planet earth for this grossly negligent act of inhumane barbarism perpetrated by the torturous, despotic dictator known as 'Razor'." said the IRB boss. "You have my deepest condolences. Sorry New Zealand, you've been sold a dud. 'Razor Robertson'? More like Malibu Stacy. Bloke hasnt done a fucking thing on the job and seems determined to be the opposite of brave. Chay Fihaki, fucking 'Dave', what the fuck was that all about? No wonder half the squaddies are about to bugger off to Tokyo. Let it be decreed that we the IRB will allocate 50% of our entire 2025 budget towards financial reparations to be paid to the Auckland Blues for this horrific selectorial oversight."
Razor Robertson himself (vacant blue chair, 2nd from the left) was conspicuously absent from proceedings.
--NZ Herald--
The Head of the IRB has today convened an Emergency Session in Paris in order to publicly apologise to four representative Auckland Blues board members after Super Rugby Player Of The Year Hoskins Sotutu was cruelly snubbed by new All Black coach Razor Robertson.
"This is worse than 9/11."
"On behalf of the IRB I would like to publicly apologise to the Auckland Blues, the New Zealand Rugby community, all New Zealanders, in fact, all citizens of planet earth for this grossly negligent act of inhumane barbarism perpetrated by the torturous, despotic dictator known as 'Razor'." said the IRB boss. "You have my deepest condolences. Sorry New Zealand, you've been sold a dud. 'Razor Robertson'? More like Malibu Stacy. Bloke hasnt done a fucking thing on the job and seems determined to be the opposite of brave. Chay Fihaki, fucking 'Dave', what the fuck was that all about? No wonder half the squaddies are about to bugger off to Tokyo. Let it be decreed that we the IRB will allocate 50% of our entire 2025 budget towards financial reparations to be paid to the Auckland Blues for this horrific selectorial oversight."
Razor Robertson himself (vacant blue chair, 2nd from the left) was conspicuously absent from proceedings.
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Dctarget
David Wilson (68)
I didn't realise that Tom Robinson had retired, that sucks. He was a great player.
Pretty brutal discussion of his anxieties around concussion, hope he's on the mend. Sounds bleak: https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/sport/536976/how-concussion-anxiety-led-tom-robinson-to-quit-rugby
Pretty brutal discussion of his anxieties around concussion, hope he's on the mend. Sounds bleak: https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/sport/536976/how-concussion-anxiety-led-tom-robinson-to-quit-rugby
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Had that reckless style that probably left him prone to more head knocks.
This just proves that Blues Men are New Age Men, unafraid to embrace their inner selves. Rather than suffer in silence (like say, a Cantab would) they boldly conquer rugby then move on to conquer pastures anew.
This just proves that Blues Men are New Age Men, unafraid to embrace their inner selves. Rather than suffer in silence (like say, a Cantab would) they boldly conquer rugby then move on to conquer pastures anew.
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Stern Vern Kicks Rugby Football.
--NZ Herald--
Stern Vern has today kicked a rugby football. The Auckland Blues rugby coach, and former rugby coach of Scotland, Fiji, Manchester United, Liverpool and the Maldives had this to say about the experience; "I dunno, it was just a reflexive thing really, I didn't put much thought into it, the ball was just sitting there in the grass and I thought 'you know what, I might just give this rugby football a little kick, just to see what it feels like'.
The event as it took place.
"Turns out it's not for me" continued the great coach. "In fact, I will be actively discouraging all my Blues players from this slightly frivolous and wasteful activity. Ball in hand, keep it tight, stay in the narrow channels, that's still my rugby philosophy."
--NZ Herald--
Stern Vern has today kicked a rugby football. The Auckland Blues rugby coach, and former rugby coach of Scotland, Fiji, Manchester United, Liverpool and the Maldives had this to say about the experience; "I dunno, it was just a reflexive thing really, I didn't put much thought into it, the ball was just sitting there in the grass and I thought 'you know what, I might just give this rugby football a little kick, just to see what it feels like'.
The event as it took place.
"Turns out it's not for me" continued the great coach. "In fact, I will be actively discouraging all my Blues players from this slightly frivolous and wasteful activity. Ball in hand, keep it tight, stay in the narrow channels, that's still my rugby philosophy."
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
What a photo!
"F***K YOU RAAAAZORR!"
"F***K YOU RAAAAZORR!"
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
waiopehu oldboy
George Smith (75)
Shameless Loss Bleus propaganda...
Pretty sure @zer0 had a hand in this, I don't think @Dismal Pillock is allowed anywhere near a video camera after last time...
Pretty sure @zer0 had a hand in this, I don't think @Dismal Pillock is allowed anywhere near a video camera after last time...
Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Barrett still 'learning' his role with Vern Cotter's Blues
The veteran playmaker admits he has had some catching up to do now back with the Blues.
www.nzherald.co.nz
Beauden Barrett still ‘learning’ his role with Vern Cotter’s Blues
NZ Herald 11 Feb, 2025 03:09 AM
Beauden Barrett admits there have been a few things to get his head around while adjusting to life with Vern Cotter’s Blues. "First of all everyone is expected to tackle people. That's not in my contract. It specifically says 'swan about at the back, biff hospital passes from 1st 5 and/or launch dainty trendy crossfield kicks after the forwards have slogged their arses off for 15 phases to get us 8 metres upfield.' Nothing about tackling or rucks. I'm trying to extend my career and that does not happen by being forced to do actual rugby stuff."
Barrett will make his first appearance under Stern Vern when the defending champions host the Chiefs on Saturday night, having watched from afar as Cotter last year turned the Blues into a murderous grinding wood chipper with Harry Plummer at 1st 5 and no place for sabbaticaling crossfield-kicking passengers. Barrett spent last season swanning about in Japan, avoiding all physical contact, and shopping in Shibuya with his wife every day. Including match days.
Barrett seen here practising
his patented "1st 5 telegraphed
pass" which he deploys in all
his rugby football matches
when playing at the 1st 5 position.
"Key point with this pass is you need to look directly at the poor mug you are about to pass to. I call it "The St John Ambulance Side Shuffle." When asked what position he would play Barrett believed his role would be “primarily at 10 so I can execute my St John Ambulance Side Shuffle technique and refuse to ever run because I'm trying to extend my career here and if I run I might hurt myself which would be detrimental to me extending my rugby career at 1st 5 for the Blues and All Blacks. I think I can play for 10 more years at 1st 5 for the Blues and the All Blacks as long as nobody touches me on the rugby field, goddamnit. What part of cotton wool do you violent thug arseholes not understand?"
Adam84
John Eales (66)
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Dismal Pillock
Michael Lynagh (62)
Goddamnit is my stupid hive mind fixing The Killdozer here or preparing it for a Week 4 burial.New image just in:
LeCheese
Peter Sullivan (51)
All will be revealed - and rendered in detail - within 36 hours
waiopehu oldboy
George Smith (75)
The former...
Except the guy in mid-frame, he looks dodgy af. Possibly a Horrorcane plant.