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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Wilson

Wilson

Phil Kearns (64)
Maybe instead of coaching we need Crowley to Captain a Policemens XV? I know Treloar is becoming a cop, are there 12 others?
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Michael Lynagh (62)
1 Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1932 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Sione Luaaki (trashing motel room? jesus, how is this guy still in the side?)
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw (not too criminal, may struggle to hold his spot..)
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd. Sentence pending.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions


Bench

R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.

Wider training group

Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha. (Will need to steal $4 million dollars to usurp Mr Pokere from 1st XV)
D.Pocock: tree hugging. (needs to go away and work on tree hugging techniques)
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)

wouldn't mind seeing an in-depth scouting report for Guevara on the wing, strengths, weaknesses, death toll etc

cyclopath said:
A whole team with frikken' spiders all over them. Who'd tackle 'em?
Click to expand...

Idi Amin would probably take to the field with his own security detail chaperoning him from ruck to ruck. And who's to argue with him?
 
Tex

Tex

Greg Davis (50)
Dwarf tossing is no crime, but surely the English royal family connection makes Mike Tindall an honourary inclusion into the wider training group.
 
Chris McCracken

Chris McCracken

Jim Clark (26)
Dismal Pillock said:
wouldn't mind seeing an in-depth scouting report for Guevara on the wing, strengths, weaknesses, death toll etc
Click to expand...

Wikipedia says death toll of 2,000. From the sounds of Bristow, he could manage that on a big weekend in the Cross.

Guevara was also apparently seriously asthmatic. Wing sounds like the right spot.

If death toll is a key skill, perhaps Mao Tse Tung needs to be brought in as a specialist coach. He'd teach that amateur Amin a thing or two.
 
Tex

Tex

Greg Davis (50)
Clinton and Bush Jnr should surely be included. They're efforts in Kosovo and the Middle East and Afghanistan notched a solid tally.

Plus they're the only two who've held the keys to nuclear armageddon.
 
barbarian

barbarian

Phil Kearns (64)
Staff member
Nah that can't count, needs to be convicted criminals IMO.

That's why I have Palu higher than Lauaki- Cliff actually did hard time (although only in 3-4 week bursts, then he'd spend six months in the infirmary with a knee injury, then another 3-4 weeks in the cells, then back in the infirmary, etc. etc.).
.
 
Tangawizi

Tangawizi

Peter Fenwicke (45)
Brian 'The Chiropractor' Lima must be pushing hard for at least a bench spot, if not the 1st XV.

http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/rugby-star-lima-avoids-jail-assaulting-ex-wife-6008334

He was found guilty of causing grievous bodily harm, being armed with a dangerous weapon and using threatening words and faced up to seven years in prison.
The incident happened in December last year when Lima approached his former wife Lemalu Sina Retzlaff and her companion outside an Apia nightclub. He threw a beer bottle and threatened to kill anyone who touched him.
Ms Retzlaff, a prominent businesswoman, was left with two black eyes, cuts to her face and bruises. She took a protection order against Lima and went public in the local media about domestic violence.
Today in court she stood up with one of her sons to ask the judge for leniency. Ms Retzlaff said her ex-husband had apologised and she and her family are looking forward to his recovery.
Click to expand...
 
The_Brown_Hornet

The_Brown_Hornet

John Eales (66)
They sure were. Plenty of English forwards over the years were cops. I wonder if they ever had any run ins with Brian Moore in the courts, given that he was a solicitor for a long time.
 
lily

lily

Vay Wilson (31)
Martin Bayfield was also a copper. Locks are sorted. Can we widen the team by including the military? Rory Underwood for Vice Captain and winger.
 
HighPlainsDrifter

HighPlainsDrifter

Jimmy Flynn (14)
Bristow's motto "You can't help bad luck" .... in latter years on occasion was retained by the big end of town (probably off the books) to help smooth over pesky unions and the like . Also who was that Sth African dunce who head-butted a guy in the back of the head during a game against yjr All Blacks and Duncan McRae's spirited effort for the Waratahs vs the Lions in 2001 deserves a bench spot as well .
 
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