All-Time Crim 1st XV

[Dismal Pillock]

He's in!

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
6 Sione Luaaki (trashing motel room?)
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw (not too criminal, may struggle to hold his spot..)
10 W.Ripia (looting own team dressing room haha)
11 Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 K.Beale: being a dick

Bench

Keith Murdock (one ill-fated punch in a kitchen in 1662.. tenuous.)
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Mitchell Scott:convicted of assault.
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife

Coach: Dan Crowley (he's watching you you stupid pricks)

 

[I like to watch]

Dismal,we must be getting close to a SA v The rest of the world?

 

[Lee Grant]

There was an Argentine youngster who played on the wing for his school in Rosario.

We know him as a romantic figure from the Cuban revolution but he had his guerrillas murder captured soldiers, including peasants who joined the army to avoid unemployment. "When in doubt, kill them," he said.

When Castro came to power he became commander of the main prison, and in charge of the Cleansing Commission. He had hundreds of people executed on suspicion of opposing the revolution, especially people connected with Batista - not that he was any angel.

What the rugby player did was worthy of Beria - but his head looked good on a T-Shirt.

It was Che Guevara.

One supposes that he was a left-winger in Rosario.
.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Willie Ripia may have stolen from his mates but he's got nothing on these guys for the 10 shirt:

Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail

Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.

Also worthy of dishonourable mention:

Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years, surprised no one's mentioned it already.

Matthew Ridge, his property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions, the only secured creditor was one M Ridge.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
6 Sione Luaaki (trashing motel room?)
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw (not too criminal, may struggle to hold his spot..)
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions



Bench

Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
W.Ripia (looting own team dressing room haha)
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
K.Beale: being a dick
Keith Murdock (one ill-fated punch in a kitchen in 1662.. tenuous.)
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Mitchell Scott:convicted of assault.
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife

Coach: Dan Crowley (he's watching you you stupid pricks)

woah, competition for places heating up now.

The forward pack now has 5 convicted murderers. Wow, when those bokkes snap they really snap!

Che Guavara on the wing, makes Zac naked & pissed in some tinpot flaxroof pub in Rarotonga look a bit smalltime.

 

[brokendown]

there is an argument for Murdoch's early call up from the bench--he was questioned over the allged murder of a man in outback Queensland.
No charges were ever laid however

 

[Tex]

Lawrence Dallaglio was reported to have told two undercover reporters that following the British Irish Lions tour win in South Africa in 1997 he and two other players "dropped an E and then a couple wraps of coke and we celebrated winning the Test series. We got absolutely mullered."

He resigned the England captaincy the following day.

Loose forwards are a dime a dozen in this team. Surely Richie McCaw gets in by virtue of having played an entire Test career in contravention of various offside and breakdown laws?

 

[Sully]

Luaaki looks a bit hard done by compared to the rest of them.

 

[Chris McCracken]

Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years, surprised no one's mentioned it already.

I did mention him earlier. But did you see the wingers that are there?

 

[Dismal Pillock]

no, cannot see anyone supplanting Guevara on that one wing. Unless Amin got a run for the Uganda Boys High 1sts or P.Pot for the Phnom Penh SkullMurder Instant Murder Squad

yes, Luauki may struggle to retain his spot. His real crime was dropping about 4 passes in one half of test match rugby.

1 Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1932 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
6 Sione Luaaki (trashing motel room?)
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw (not too criminal, may struggle to hold his spot..)
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd. Sentence pending.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions


Bench

Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.

Wider training group

Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha. (Will need to steal $4 million dollars to usurp Mr Pokere from 1st XV)
D.Pocock: tree hugging. (needs to go away and work on tree hugging techniques)
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)

Loose forwards are a dime a dozen in this team. Surely Richie McCaw gets in by virtue of having played an entire Test career in contravention of various offside and breakdown laws?

 

[Tex]

Gotta say, having Che Guevara starting on the left wing is a piece of subtle beauty.

 

[Chris McCracken]

Andrew Hore got done for killing fur seals. Not sure whether that usurps Bristow for a spot on the bench. He certainly didn't get banned. I think he actually got more awards.

 

[Brendan Hume]

League fans have a Wife Basher XIII here, was only discussing it with a mate yesterday.
I'm sure they could field teams in a number of categories.

 

[stoff]

Unless Amin got a run for the Uganda Boys High 1sts

Guevara safe on wing - Amin was a second rower. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idi_Amin

 

[Hawko]

Guevara safe on wing - Amin was a second rower. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idi_Amin

Move him back to 6 then, Luaaki's form doesn't look up to scratch.

 

[Chris McCracken]

Move him back to 6 then, Luaaki's form doesn't look up to scratch.

By that standard, every second African despot and a bunch of Middle Eastern ones will be eligible.

EDIT: I stand corrected. A quick check indicates most African dictators were good soccer players.

Figures

 

[qwerty51]

Lawrence Dallaglio was reported to have told two undercover reporters that following the British Irish Lions tour win in South Africa in 1997 he and two other players "dropped an E and then a couple wraps of coke and we celebrated winning the Test series. We got absolutely mullered."

If that's enough to put someone on this list, you may as well put half the rugby playing public on it.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

On a lighter note & mostly 'cos I've been saving it & may never get a better opportunity to use it, I'd like to nominate Colin Farrell for the most heinous crime of impersonating an All Black:

The Oirish actor of the same name (parents musta been diveball or hurling fans) would be more convincing in the role IMO:

 

[I like to watch]

Give him a break,he obviously had plenty of issues to deal with at that time.
Checkout the poor bastards haircut.
He could have been the MOM and still be the subject of derision now.
Didn't they have mirrors in NZ in those times?

 

[cyclopath]

Classic thread, DP. A whole team with frikken' spiders all over them. Who'd tackle 'em?