Sledging

[Set piece magic]

I'm quite sure there is already a thread about it, but I can't find it anywhere on the forum despite numerous searches.

Anyway, with the boxing day test coming up, now is the time to talk through some of our favourite sledges. From any sport.

Here's my favourites:

Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne.
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock.
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces. "Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

Glen McGrath & Eddo Brandes Glenn McGrath asked Eddo Brandes how come he was so fat. Brandes replied "because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit".

Glenn McGrath - What does Brian Lara's cock taste like?Ramanesh Sarwan - I don't know ask your wife
Glenn McGrath - You mention my f*cking wife again and i'll rip your f*cking throat out!

Mark Waugh - I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were sh*t then and you're f*cking useless now.
Adam Parore - Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

Ian Healy
comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!"

Michael Atherton, during his first tour of Australia, stood his ground during a vociferous appeal for a catch behind. At the end of the over, wicketkeeper Ian Healy walked by, calling Atherton a "----ing cheat". Very politely, Atherton shot back: "When in Rome, dear boy."

Warne to Paul Collingwood after England's Ashes success of 2005: "You got an MBE, right? For scoring seven at The Oval? That's embarrassing."

Rod Marsh to Ian Botham, when the England star took guard: "So, how's your wife and my kids?"
Botham: Wife's fine but the kids are retarded


Those are my favourite from cricket, but obviously there is one that stands out in rugby, four more years.

Who's got more?

 

[matty_k]

My favourite comes from Sydney grade cricket.

This batsman was having a rough day. Couldn't find a run anywhere but stayed in with some luck and some courageous defense.
I'm the slips was the youngest of there Waugh brothers. The sledging was quite fierce as the fielders smelled blood. The Waugh brother muttered what he thought was a good put down
"And to think no one knows who you are."
Finally the batsman had had enough. He turned to the Waugh brother and said "At least I'm the best in my family."
Nothing more was said.

 

[Slash]

Ian Healy to Arjuna Ranatunga when Shane Warne asked what he has to do to get Arjuna to take a step forward out of the crease ' just drop a mars bars short of a length'.

 

[Slash]

Phil Tuffnell was a favourite of the fans, not so much Craig McDermott. The Aussie paceman, while batting on a lively wicket, told Tuffers: "You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tuffers. Hospital food suit you?"

 

[Slash]

My favourite comes from Sydney grade cricket.

This batsman was having a rough day. Couldn't find a run anywhere but stayed in with some luck and some courageous defense.
I'm the slips was the youngest of there Waugh brothers. The sledging was quite fierce as the fielders smelled blood. The Waugh brother muttered what he thought was a good put down
"And to think no one knows who you are."
Finally the batsman had had enough. He turned to the Waugh brother and said "At least I'm the best in my family."
Nothing more was said.

Wasn't actually Sydney Grade cricket.

It was little-known England batsman James Ormond. Upon his arrival at the crease during a Test match in 2001, Ormond copped grief from Mark Waugh. "---- me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." Quick as you like, Ormond said: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

 

[Slash]

have googled a few...........

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an eternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out."For christ sake, it's not a 'fucken test match."
Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't .. You're here."

 

[Slash]

David Hookes to that tall streak of crap, Tony Grieg in the Centenary Test. Grieg was sledging from in close to unsettle Hooksey and after a bit when Hookes wasn't responding Grieg came out with 'Come on, you baby faced bastard, you're too young to be out here playing with men.'
Hookesy's comeback: 'At least I am an Australian, representing my own country in a Test match!!'

 

[matty_k]

Wasn't actually Sydney Grade cricket.

It was little-known England batsman James Ormond. Upon his arrival at the crease during a Test match in 2001, Ormond copped grief from Mark Waugh. "---- me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." Quick as you like, Ormond said: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Fair enough. I was just telling the story how it was told to me.

 

[Slash]

an old comment from Matt Hayden........."I remember once batting just after I released a cookbook and being in a pretty dark mood after I got out. Someone yelled out 'hey Hayden, you're overrated . . . and your chicken casserole tastes like s - - t'. "

 

[Slash]

and finally, Fred Trueman - While bowling the batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't
say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So
should your mother," he replied.

 

[Badger]

Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock.
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces. "Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

I heard this originally occurred in an English county championship match when Greg Thomas of Glamorgan bowled to Viv Richards when he played with Somerset.

 

[Set piece magic]

Yeah, a lot of variations come out and it's hard to see really where the sledge was from. Same with the ponting to pollock one. Same with the best in the family one.

 

[spooony]

Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock.
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces. "Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

Thats wrong

County Championship bowler to Viv Richards after he'd unusually defended five balls on the trot: "It's red, round and weighs five ounces, not too hard to hit."

Next ball gets thumped for a massive six out of the ground.

Viv: "OK, you know what it looks like, so go fucking find it."

Heres another

James Ormond & Mark Waugh: Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh. Mark Waugh: "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." James Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."


Being wary of Brian McMillan's size, the Australian team generally left him alone when it came to sledging. In a match early in Shane Warne's career, Brian McMillan was having great difficulty reading Warne's array of different spins. Warne decided to help McMillan out by announcing, before each ball, the type of spin he would be delivering next. Still unable to play Warne's spin, McMillan walked down the pitch and said to him, "Listen, a lot of people go missing every day in South Africa and one more won't be noticed. Next time you're in South Africa I will take you fishing and I will use you as bait for the sharks"

 

[rugbysmartarse]

I once rode a lunch tray down Crackenback...oh, you guys are talking about something else

 

[Karl]

My youngest son is 7 and known for being a bit of a smart arse already, but in a funny way. He's pretty smart and very quirky. One day when he was about 5 he was in a non cooperative mood and I said, in exasperation "Jude! You're driving me crazy!"

His response?

"Come on Dad. It's not that far. You can walk."

I shit you not.

 

[cyclopath]

I once rode a lunch tray down Crackenback...oh, you guys are talking about something else

After a session at Black Sallees or Kareela?

 

[Dam0]

Glenn McGrath - What does Brian Lara's cock taste like?Ramanesh Sarwan - I don't know ask your wife
Glenn McGrath - You mention my f*cking wife again and i'll rip your f*cking throat out!

I saw this one on youtube a while back. McGrath quite violently stuck a finger in his face. Lost all respect for McGrath as a person when I saw this. If you wanna give it out you have to be able to take it.

 

[Moses]

I saw this one on youtube a while back. McGrath quite violently stuck a finger in his face. Lost all respect for McGrath as a person when I saw this. If you wanna give it out you have to be able to take it.

His wife was dying of cancer at the time. Whether Sarwan knew about this or not, it explains where McGrath's head was at at the time.

 

[Slim 293]

Then maybe McGrath shouldn't have been such a dick?

 

[Dam0]

His wife was dying of cancer at the time. Whether Sarwan knew about this or not, it explains where McGrath's head was at at the time.

I know that, but its no excuse. If you are going to make crude offensive statements you have to be prepared to accept them back. What a petulant bully. Hwe should have received at least a months ban for it. Like I say, all respect gone for him as a person.