Pre-Game Speech, Ireland Dressing Room
Remember, if someone gooses you, gives you a nut-tap, squeezes your ass, gives you a purple nurple, a squirrel grip, an eye gouge, holds on to your ankle off a ruck, or pulls the back of your jersey from an offside position for 5 seconds while you're trying to get into position, don't do a fecking thing. DO NOT REACT. You'll get banned. It's your fault for reacting, so just accede to being molested on live television, indecently or otherwise, and know that the offender will be not get a second look. That's just rugby.
(Unless the offender is from a Tier 2 nation. However, if you are being illegally held and are wearing a gold jersey, you are allowed to send a knee to the offender's chest; you'll only get a warning.)