If you are calling for Cooper:
1. Watch Foley slot the arse-saving goal in the rain this weekend from 40 out. At least 20 times. Remind yoursekf that at that point he had to come enormous self doubt because if anyone knew he had an off day, IT WAS HIM.
2. Stand in front of a wall. Repeatedly bash your head whilst chanting "BMT, BMT, BMT"
3. Go back through ALL of the archives in the last 5 years. Produce compelling evidence of Cooper delivering in clutch, squeaky-bum, tight test match situations. Try not to trip over the howlers as you go along.
4. Go back to said wall. Bang head again. This time chanting "Can't find it, can't find it, can''t find it..."
5. If you are still conscious, take your kind to the park and practice some no-look passes and try to get it out of your system.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.