Round 6: Reds v. Hurricanes, April 1st

[USARugger]

Hurricanes are F U C K E D

Reds by 30+

Highlanders 2016 2.0 - Kerevi and Pauaia are going to slaughter this unseasoned Hurricanes center pairing. I heard those clowns even have a kid playing at 15? Karmichael is going to hit him so hard he wakes up thinking and playing like he's the only son of Stephen Donald.

Minimum of 2 penalty tries from the scrum.

 

[Scoey]

That's the Spirit USA Rugger! It's gonna be a bloodbath!!!

Reds by 50+

 

[USARugger]

We're gonna make Jordie Barrett wish he never played rugby!!!

 

[Scoey]

I picture the pre-match speech having a little bit of this flavour in it......

This would be my team:

1. Ace Yonamine
2. Andrew Ready
3. Sam Talakai
4. Izack Rodda
5. Lukhan Tui
6. Hendrik Tui
7. Jon Favreau
8. Scott Higginbotham
9. James Tuttle
10. Keanu Reeves
11. Eto Nabuli
12. Duncan Paia-aua
13. Samu Kerevi
14. Orlando Jones
15. Karmicheal Hunt

I also reckon we could pull Gene Hackman in for a consultant coach role kinda like we did with Knuckles last year to give Stiles a hand.

 

[No4918]

I'm there! First game of the year. Woooot!

Doing my bit to get the crowd over 10,000.

 

[Scoey]

Hurricanes are F U C K E D

Reds by 30+

Highlanders 2016 2.0 - Kerevi and Pauaia are going to slaughter this unseasoned Hurricanes center pairing. I heard those clowns even have a kid playing at 15? Karmichael is going to hit him so hard he wakes up thinking and playing like he's the only son of Stephen Donald.

Minimum of 2 penalty tries from the scrum.

Now we are talking! Hurricanes = pretenders.

 

[USARugger]

Their flyhalf needs a cheeseburger and and a nose job

Hurricanes = joke team

 

[Braveheart81]

Just because this game is on the 1st of April doesn't mean you can start your April Fools gags 4 days early.

 

[USARugger]

Oh don't worry I've got a great "Quade Cooper kicks penalty" thread ready for April 1st

 

[The torpedo]

I think it's time for some reality.

Over the past 3 weeks, we have scored 6 less points than the previous week. However, we have conceded half the point of the previous week over the past 2 weeks. from this, it can be determined that we will lose 11-3 to the Hurricanes (rounding up to 3 because scoring only 2 points is impossible in a game of rugby football. We will then lose 6-5 after this game, before embarking on an 8-game winning streak, culminating in a 52-0 victory over the Otago Highlanders.

N.B. I discounted the negative as they were impossible, and made them their positive integer opposite. (i.e. -52 becomes positive 52)

For the full statistical analysis, please view the attached file:

 

[USARugger]

I think it's time for some reality.

Over the past 3 weeks, we have scored 6 less points than the previous week. However, we have conceded half the point of the previous week over the past 2 weeks. from this, it can be determined that we will lose 11-3 to the Hurricanes (rounding up to 3 because scoring only 2 points is impossible in a game of rugby football. We will then lose 6-5 after this game, before embarking on an 8-game winning streak, culminating in a 52-0 victory over the Otago Highlanders.

N.B. I discounted the negative as they were impossible, and made them their positive integer opposite. (i.e. -52 becomes positive 52)

For the full statistical analysis, please view the attached file:

You sweet, sweet summer child.

I've been down here in the basement crunching the numbers and doing the maths and it's clear as day that we're simply hitting the focus of our parabola. This a natural thing that happens to all rugby teams over time.

As you can see, it's only up from here:

I've reattached an amended version of your spreadsheet, updated to account for this breakthrough in the mathematical theory of Australian rugby union.

It's clearly evident that by Round 36 we are simply slaughtering teams.

 

[The torpedo]

It's clearly evident that by Round 36 we are simply slaughtering teams.

AKA, the end of the 2018 super rugby H & A season

 

[Scoey]

Guys I have this craaazy friend who says that the Hurricanes will win on Saturday night. Is he craaaazy?

No, just ignorant. You see your crazy friend has never heard of the Rugby food chain.

And he'll tell you that they have a kid playing 15 and their flyhalf needs a cheeseburger and and a nose job.

Plus also #statistics.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

this thread is way more fun than the stupid Waratahs lose to the Cantabs thread.

 

[The torpedo]

This would be my team:

1. Ace Yonamine
2. Andrew Ready
3. Sam Talakai
4. Izack Rodda
5. Lukhan Tui
6. Hendrik Tui
7. Jon Favreau
8. Scott Higginbotham
9. James Tuttle
10. Keanu Reeves
11. Eto Nabuli
12. Duncan Paia-aua
13. Samu Kerevi
14. Orlando Jones
15. Karmicheal Hunt

I would put Keanu Reeves on the wing - his ability to dodge tacklers is second to none, along with his defence as he can stop them merely by the raising of his hand, from analysis these two samples of game film:

 

[Scoey]

I would put Keanu Reeves on the wing - his ability to dodge tacklers is second to none, along with his defence as he can stop them merely by the raising of his hand, from analysis these two samples of game film:

I did consider that. Lord how I laboured over this decision. In the end I figured if Clifford Franklin is on the wing then we need Shane Falco at flyhalf for his sweet cross field kicks. Because the football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catchin' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it.

EDIT: For some reason my Shane Falco bit got deleted as I posted it.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

 

[cyclopath]

is that Kaka On Rumbo?

 

[RedsHappy]

What you people have clearly not accounted for is S Moore's for-certain declaration later this week that

'.......our preparation has been been really excellent all week and the boys have performed really well at training......'

The fact that this pre-game statement from virtually any 2017 Australian Super team typically presages an Almighty Fuck-up in the Actual Match should not deter REAL REDS FANS from being convinced of the predictive power of Moore's uplifting declaration next Saturday morning.

[The Dismal Pillock will no doubt have a succinct graphically expressed view on all this, and I await it, tremulously.]

 

[Dismal Pillock]

is that Kaka On Rumbo?

Dear Valued Member.

Please refrain from making up imaginary languages.

Thank you.

**FINAL WARNING**