Provincial journalism at its finest. You start with a headline question:
Were the Brumbies robbed on Friday?
Then you supply the answer, which would have been anticipated by all regular readers of the Canberra Times:
THE ACT Brumbies can officially feel robbed ...
Now to dash off a quick 700 words and it's off to the pub. Piece of piss really. Lead off with a definitive statement which will convey the impression I'm actually onto something. Most of the casual readers will accept it as gospel on the grounds that otherwise the Times wouldn't print it. Christ, they're gullible:
The Sunday Canberra Times has obtained proof TMO George Ayoub made the wrong decision ...
I just hope the subeditor doesn't ask to see the proof, but being Easter Saturday he's probably down the pub already. Now to try to fill it out. I'm getting thirsty:
SANZAR referees boss Lyndon Bray did not return calls yesterday.
This is Journalism 101. It being Easter Saturday he's probably down the pub. But not to worry. When they don't ring back half the mugs will think they're dodging our calls. Now to get some irate comments from the Brumbies. No good ringing Jake. He'll probably tell me to "Fuck off" again. So we go the old ring around to his offsiders hoping that someone will call for Ayoub to be strung up. But they're all bloody tight lipped, probably too scared of Jake to buy into it. As usual I'm going to have to wing it:
The Brumbies are privately fuming and perplexed ...
There's no way anyone can check on what they say in private. Now to put the icing on the cake. We'll make our local boys look noble; refusing to strike out even in the face of irrefutable evidence of treachery:
Determined to move on, the Brumbies are refusing to get caught in a war of words and be distracted from their mission to avoid a third consecutive loss this week.
Shit, still 400 words to go and I haven't got any direct quotes. "Hey, Nigel. What's the name of our little bloke who tackled the big Queensland forward in the corner?" "Yeah, Nic White, that's him, thanks mate." I'll give him a ring. Young players never knock back a chance to get their names in the paper:
White said he and the team had accepted the decision and ''we're not going to dwell on it''
''When I saw the replay I knew it was going to be close,'' White said.
''I tried my best to get him out … sometimes I'll tackle them out and sometimes I won't, it's just the way it goes.
''In the past five games we've had close calls go our way and against us.
''I guess [getting the ball down and going out] was simultaneous and I don't know what the ruling is there and whether it's benefit of the doubt.
''I wasn't too disappointed because I thought it was 50-50 call, the only thing I would hope is that if that happens to us the same decision is made for consistency.''
I think he's a bit dumb that kid. No matter how many times I tried to steer him he wouldn't take the lead. Still he's been good for 130 words and most of our readers don't get down this far. Now a couple of hundred more words of padding and it's me for the boozer.