Well, gentlemen, it appears I have some time to write up some match previews for this week's fixtures. Enjoy.
Joeys vs Newington @ Heaven's Pasture
The Wookies of Stanmore International Airport will travel to the paddock of Hunters Hill with their tails up after putting the Rowdy Riverview Crew to the sword last Saturday. However, a strong Joeys outfit are not a team that will be rolled over. Especially after their last 10-minute demolition of Shore at The Bridge over the weekend.
For Newington, there's a big question looming. Does Makasini line up? For myself, it seems a farce for him not to be played. Alas, even if he doesn't, Newington possess a trait that is not inconsistent with Newington teams of the past - size. This is an advantage that they will rightfully attempt to exploit against a Joeys pack of a much smaller nature. Do they have what it takes to down Joeys at their own fortress? We'll certainly know by 5pm on Saturday. One thing is certain, and that this is a potentially season-defining match. Newington are competition heavyweights and a lot is riding on this match for them.
As for the feral men of Hunters Hill decked in the Cerise and Blue? Well it's another year where a premiership is well and truly on the table. Combined with the fact that they will be playing in the comfort of their own backyard, this is a classy Joeys outfit (what else is new?). Newly elected Pope Leo XIV was asked earlier if he believed Joeys would get the job done this weekend:
"Oh XXXX yeah," he said. "Mate, do you really think I'd tip against the boys at Heaven's Pasture of all places? You must think real low of me."
"Isn't that Makasini bloke going to league anyway? Freak of nature though haha."
While they aren't as large a pack as the Wookies, they also possess traits consistent with the Joeys Rugby dichotomy - wheels, brains, and the support of the Holiest Man in the world. I feel like they'll be just too good for Newington this weekend.
Joeys by 10+
Scots vs Shore @ The Death Star
Well, it was a disappointing start to the season for both teams last week, with losses to Joeys and Kings respectively. Both will have felt they could have won, with Joeys getting away from Shore in the last 10 minutes, and likewise with Kings for Scots. Shore have won 2 of the last 3 games played at Bellevue Hill (throwback to 2022 when Daimon "Nudge" Pin sent a blinder of a drop goal between the sticks to win the game for Shore). They'll have the confidence knowing that the game is well and truly up for grabs. Only one thing is certain, however, and that is that whoever wins has bragging rights over who has the best looking Mums.
It seemed as though God favoured Catholicism last weekend at Stirling Bridge, with Shore unable to defend their turf against a tough Joeys side. It's rumoured that Henry VIII turned in his grave when the final whistle blew. Luckily for many members of this forum, at least the Shore Mums will still be able to get a divorce. Shore looked clinical when their attack clicked. They were lead by a brave forward pack that was often let down by the backs, with the halves looking a little confused at times. If these issues are able to be rectified, then Shore are a scary team even without the likes of Bassingthwaighte and Callaghan. They'll fancy their chances this weekend.
As for Scots, well they'll feel like they lost a match that they well and truly could have won over at Castle Greyskull. If they're able to string together a few good performances, and play like a team instead of a team of individuals as they did last year, then Scots could have a crack at the top this year. Emperor Lambert will have his stormtroopers ready for battle against the invaders that hail from the similarly privileged lower north shore. Backed by loud bagpipes, and an army of blue and gold, Scots will not be short of support at their home. However, with a large contingent of travelling Shore boys who are some of the loudest in the GPS, it's not like Shore will have a lack of motivation.
Shore Mums to have bigger smiles when they win by 10+
Kings vs Riverview @ Castle Greyskull
Two away games for the Jesuits, and two home games for the Anglicans to start the season. Riverview need to bounce back from their loss to Newington, or it all of a sudden becomes a lot harder to have a shot at the title. Never say never, though, as look at what Shore did last year after a poor start to the season. Kings will be high on confidence after a good win against Scots and also being tipped as having a likely run for GPS glory.
The Rowdy Riverview Crew will be forced to travel again. This time to North Parramatta to go to war against Kings on the pristine lawns of Castle Greyskull. In recent years, Riverview have been hard to pick. They've either been favoured in the pre-season, only to underperform, or be written off, and then to overperform. I'll just stay away from making any calls on Riverview this year as it's quite a dangerous flame to play with. I do believe that they will have to be at their very best if they're to knock over Kings, however. They let in too many tries against Newington early and it cost them dearly - even with a semi-comeback. Defence is the issue for the Lane Cove Lot. Remedy the issue, and we'll have a juicy matchup.
As for Kings, the Pope was contacted again in order to ask him what he thought of this year's team. Confused (and tired after the proceedings of the last few weeks), he replied:
"That's not my denomination, mate."
"I need a beer."
Perhaps Kings will be wishing that they put Scots to they sword a little more as they were out and out favourites heading into the match. Alas, they were the ones who came away with the competition points and no one can take that away. Perhaps some cobwebs need dusting and some bolts need tightening. Either way, Kings should be seen as the favourites to take this match until proven otherwise. I look forward to seeing how they play this weekend.
God to be Anglican by 5+
