POWERLESS NZ PLAYER PILLOCK POWER RANKINGS
Aug 8th 2015 Bled 1 Sydney.
1 Tony Woodcock
Rating: 0.9
Waddled around for 71 minutes, got in the way, his scrum was fucked. DROP HIM.
2 Dane Coles
Rating: 5
yeh alright
3 Owen Franks
Rating: 0.8
Got the hook after 44 minutes. Fucked up the arse at scrum time. WHY ELSE IS HE THERE? More tenured garbage. NEEDS A ROCKET. DROP HIM.
4 Luke Romano
Rating: 3.8
Worked pretty hard but wft how about hurting Hooper and/or Pocock at ruck time please? TOO LATE. DROPPED.
5 Brodie Retallick
Rating: 1.9
Reading his own press? Ponderous, upright, lumbering. ARE YOU GOING TO THE RUCK OR AREN'T YOU? Looked like he was playing without his spectacles on half the time. "Where are my spectacles? Excuse me Mr Hooper, have you seen my oh ok bye then."
6 Jerome Kaino
Rating: 4
Good in lineout but apart from that was vanquished. I-O-A-N-E.
7 Richie McCaw
Rating: 4.7
Slogged his guts out of course but just muntered at the breakdowns. Will Hansen drop him? WILL HE TRY? WILL HE DARE? hashtag #ardie_savea hashtag #sam_cane hashtag #dismal_pillock_utility_back
8 Kieran Read
Rating: 3
Lineouts were a yes, missing 2 pricks for 2 tries a slight FUCKING NO.
9 Aaron Smith
Rating: 2.9
wft happened here? Was he on drugs? Had he been drinking all afternoon? Too much panicked bullshit, did he swap brains with 2013 Perenara? NEEDS A ROCKET. DROP HIM
10 Dan Carter
Rating: 2.3
TIME'S UP WOMAN'S WEEKLY GEORGE CLOONEY OF NZ RUGBY GRUD SALESMAN GRANDAD
11 Julian Savea
Rating: 3.9
first test of the year, take an "o" out of doozy and thats what we got
12 Sonny Bill Williams
Rating: minus 10 million.
Barely a rugby player at all. SCAREDY CAT. PLEASE JUST PISS OFF TO YOUR NEXT PAY DAY and leave the top level rugby stuff to Malakai Fekitoa.
13 Conrad Smith
Rating: 6.5
slogged his guts out of course but man, what would I pay to get him on a polygraph and quiz him on SBW coming all up and down his backside for an hour
15 Ben Smith
Rating: 6.3
On the bad side, couldnt stop Adam Ashley-Cooper. On the good side, run, draw and pass to Skudder for try = master class.
14 Nehe Milner-Skudder
Rating: 7.8
Missed a couple of defenders but apart from that THE ONLY PLAYER WHO LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED WELL FOR A GOOD TEAM IN THE SUPER 15. SO THE TOO COOL FOR SKOOL CRUSADERS WHO COASTED THRU THE SUPER 15 HAVE NOW DECIDED TO COAST TRHOUGH THE TEST SEASON IN THE SAME VEIN, SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THEIR BERTHS IN THE WORLD CUP SQUAD ARE SECURED. NEWSFLASH FELLAS: CAN YOU JUST TURN IT ON LIKE A SWITCH ONCE YOU MAKE THE WORLD CUP QUARTERS? WE'LL SEE MOTHERFUCKERS. WE WILL MOTHERFUCKING SEE.
