got my hands on this internal review memo from NZRFU. Not pretty reading.
NZRFU RC 2021 Executive Review
Players are graded from 0-10. Players graded 5 or below are not to be retained.
Hookers
Asafo Aumua: 5. Learn to throw, c**t.
Codie Taylor: 5. No longer seems to be The Guy.
Samisoni T: 8. We've seen the future.
Props
Nepo Laulala: 4. Useless pudding fuck. Look c**t, if you dont WANT to play for the New Zealand Rugby Football All Blacks then we can oblige. Maybe you could look at alternative routes of employment, maybe a bus driver, or a forklift driver? You know, a job where you get paid to SIT ON YOUR FAT FUCKING ARSE ALL DAY.
Tyrel Lomax: 5. almost coming on after lacksadaisical start
Joe Moody: 6. coming back from injury so gets benefit of doubt. Might want to pull finger on EOYTFFS
Angus Ta’avao: 1. bye bye now.
Karl Tu’inukuafe: 3 Seems to enjoy being an All Black. The whole AB culture thing. See the world. Ride on nice buses. Newsflash;- winning 1 scrum penalty a match is not good enouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh Kaaarrrrrllllllll.
Ofa Tuungafasi: 6. See Moody.
tl/dr our props are shit.
Locks
Scott Barrett: 4. Good ol' Scrote Barrett. Another 2 brainfarts last night saw him penalised for 6 pts. In essence, he lost us another test match.
Brodie Retallick: 4. The end is near. Spindly. No longer a colossus
Patrick Tuipulotu: 1. Fucking pathetic. A foodbill. STILL has virtually no spatial instincts on defense. Lead feet. No lateral movement. Subs on for impact and is immediately exhausted. Looks good in the airport lounge though. All Airport XV.
Tupou Vaa’i: 6. Short but he's all we got going forward ffs
Samuel Whitelock: 10. his absence has seen his status elevated to moustachioed saviour at the reins of a winged chariot borne on the tempestuous winds of vigour. disclaimer: chariot is out of warranty and could fall apart at any second
tl/dr in big fucken trouble here
Loose Forwards
Ethan Blackadder: 7. The kids a keeper. He's got the Mccaw "no one will try harder than me" thing about him
Akira Ioane: 5. Looked to have it figured out then got bumraped in the showers by a cluster of very large and enthusiastic South African men.
Luke Jacobson: 5. "You see that guy over there named Duane Vermuelen? Now THAT'S a #8."
Dalton Papalii: 8. Another who7s stock rose due to playing less.
Ardie Savea: 7. Yes, he's a 7.
Hoskins Sotutu: 7. Ltd time but with all those above him COMPLETELY FUCKIGN EVERYTHIGN UP he looks like a promising option. Particularly his racey lineout skills
Sam Cane: 10. Stock has risen exponentially in absentia but another who could fall off The Soaialo Cliff at any second
tl/dr bit of promise here but Fozzie has his work cut out finding the right combo
Halfbacks
TJ Perenara: 4. CAN'T FUCKIGN PASS. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? THAT YOU LEARN TO PASS? If you put half as much effort into your passing as you did your haka gurning you'd be chucking the c**t halfway to the fucking moon. Official NZRFU Position: wish the cnut had gone to league
Aaron Smith: 10. obviously, in absentia, the AB's best player is the moon on a stick, nay, a galaxy of moons upon sticks.
Brad Weber: 6. did a job as a fill in for the Fakatava contract
First five–eighths
Beauden Barrett: 5. sorry champ, you STILL ain't a 1st 5's arse.
Richie Mo’unga: 8. needs his forwards to set platform though, otherwise his pygmy arse is fuuuuuuucked
Midfielders
Braydon Ennor: 0. WUT? Who the fuck is this?
David Havili: 5. showed some nice skills and promise vs Aus and Arg.... then ran into de allende and Am who took all his lunch money and left him crying in a puddle.
Rieko Ioane: 7. got the sharpness back but for a senior AB still goes missing for too long
Anton Lienert-Brown: 4. Midfielders are supposed to break tackles. I reckon I could take down this fat putz still dining out on his 2018 rep.
Quinn Tupaea: 8. There could be something to work with here going forward.
tl/dr Nonu and Conrad seems like a loooooonnnnng time ago ffs
Outside backs
Jordie Barrett: 9. OMFG cut out the brainfarts and see what happens.
George Bridge: -1. The first ever negative rating for an All Black. Please abandon him at a rural roadside somewhere in Wales. Anywhere in Wales really.
Will Jordan: 8. rough diamond defensively but try scoring machiiiiiiiiiine fffs
Damian McKenzie: 4. LOL bye bye stumpy
Sevu Reece: 6. wifebeater is the bizness
tl/dr ffs Fozzie could one of you gravy train coach cnuts PLEASE teach these outside backs, aside from Jordie, to field the high ball? Or at least compete for it? Is that too much to ask you foodbill fuckks? THANKS.
