Gradual Unfurling of New Wallaby Coaches

[RedsHappy]

We all await with excitement and bated breath for the public release of the 'independent' review the ARU has conducted (via ARU Board members and Nucifora) of/into its own and the Wallabies' RWC 2011 performance. This report was 'discussed' at the ARU's Board meeting of February 24. As GAGR's essayist wits have already noted, its public release to we fans and media is probably held up with final editing of 'sensitive portions', paper size selection, font choices, and tippex removal.

Whatever, many leaks have started regarding multiple new Wallaby support coaches that are being, or already have been, appointed under Robbie Deans. As someone who considers than many of Robbie's problems came from problems and issues with and within his lightly resourced 2008-11 coaching support team, I am bound to be encouraged by a serious change program in this crucial area of Wallaby management.

I found this latest media story - re McGahan's appointment - of particular interest, an 'expanded coaches role', etc.

McGahan excited about Wallaby role

Irish Times, March 23, 2012 - John Fallon

TONY McGAHAN’S new role with Australia is more extensive than originally envisaged and he has revealed that he would not have left Munster if it was just to take over as the Wallabies defensive coach.

McGahan has been appointed coaching co-ordinator with the Australian management team headed up by Robbie Deans and he admitted that it was the sort of job “you would chase down or apply for”.

McGahan will bring over seven seasons with Munster to an end at the end of the current campaign. McGahan was defensive coach when Munster won the Heineken Cup in 2006 and doubled up as backs coach when they retained the title two years later.

He took over as head coach when Declan Kidney was appointed Ireland boss in 2008 and since then has guided them to two Magners League titles.

“I was asked to consider the position and I certainly wouldn’t have considered going back as a specialised unit coach, whether it be defence or attack, so it’s a coaching co-ordinator’s role.

“I’ll run the whole training programme while the national side is in Test-match mode from June to December and also run the programme and the players back in their provinces from January through to June.

“So I’ll be dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the game itself and also the individuals.

“It’s a coaching co-ordinator role I’m going back for and it’s an exciting role. The coaching side of it is one I’m very keen to continue but also there’s a strong administrative side of the programme so, coupled with that and the opportunity to go back to Australia with a young family and all those facets, I suppose you always want to make sure that you leave the party at the right time,” he said.

 

[cyclopath]

Unfurling suggests they are two-dimensional, or that they are "standards". I find both possibilities equally improbable.

 

[p.Tah]

"“So I’ll be dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the game itself and also the individuals."

So what does Robbie do?

 

[cyclopath]

"“So I’ll be dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the game itself and also the individuals."

So what does Robbie do?

He deals with the Supra-totality of it all. The essence of it. The nuance.

 

[boyo]

He deals with the Supra-totality of it all. The essence of it. The nuance.

The vibe?

 

[cyclopath]

The vibe?

It's Mabo.

 

[Gagger]

I can't get my head around this

 

[vidiot]

Making oneself essential to the organisation is a good career move. Not so for Robert Maxwell Deans, the agent 86 of Australian Rugby.

This cannot be his idea.

 

[ChargerWA]

It's Mabo.

"Suffer in your jocks"

 

[RugbyReg]

Robbie dug a hole.

 

[cyclopath]

Robbie dug a hole.

Gold, Reg! In so many ways.

 

[Bruce Ross]

I think I'll just throw in the towel. You spend years honing your craft, struggling with the intricacies of writing satire, and having to cope with the fact that unless you put a disclaimer at the end of everything you write along the lines of, "actually I'm pulling your chain", a significant number of your readers will conclude that you're defending what you set out to ridicule. In some cases even the disclaimer wouldn't help.

Anyway you continue to toil away, writing nonsense largely for your own amusement, and suddenly you get blindsided by what professor of finance Nassim Nicholas Taleb has termed a "black swan event"; something so absurdly improbable that you couldn't possibly predict it. Even before he has lobbed back here Tony McGahan has effectively dismantled the whole Wallabies coaching structure and made its staff superfluous:

"I’ll run the whole training programme while the national side is in Test-match mode from June to December and also run the programme and the players back in their provinces from January through to June.​

​

"So I’ll be dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the game itself and also the individuals.​

​

"... also there's a strong administrative side of the programme ..."​

He goes on to mention "the opportunity to go back to Australia with a young family", so he presumably intends to spend plenty of time playing with the kids.

Robbie, please accept my abject apologies, you were great fun to work with. But how am I supposed to send this bloke up? He writes all his own material better than I ever could.

 

[Cat_A]

I love you Bruce.

 

[RedsHappy]

Bruce, there is gold, and then there is platinum.

As you imply, but perhaps cannot bring yourself to say, this understated but nonetheless candid description by McGahan (prior to his arrival) of his coming complete responsibility for almost everything Wallaby, offers JO'N a cunningly conceived flexibility in the event that Robbie is tempted to accept the hand-me-down-from-Jake England coaching job, or the vacancy emerging at Samoa. It's commonly known as the 'contingency-driven swap out option'.

 

[Lindommer]

Bruce, there is gold, and then there is platinum.

Bugger the platinum, Bruce, you're worth einsteinium!

 

[Jnor]

I take it Professor Taleb has never been to Perth?

 

[Bruce Ross]

I take it Professor Taleb has never been to Perth?

Nassim Nicholas Taleb may not have visited Perth, Jnor, but Willem Hesselsz de Vlamingh certainly did. On 10 January 1697 he encountered black swans when he sailed his frigate De Geelvink up the Swan River, although recent scholarly research has conclusively established that the river was not known by that name prior to his visit.

Up to that time Europeans had assumed that all swans were white although those who swam in the Thames around London were various shades of grey depending on how much soot was in the air.

As you can see, black swans are truly magnificent animals but not particularly social. If they don't like you they are quick to give you the arse:


During the 1970s LW Braithwaite, who seemed to have a rather prurient interest in such matters, published research indicating that that one-quarter of all nesting pairings of Cygnus atratus are homosexual, mostly between males who steal nests or form temporary threesomes with females to obtain eggs after which they drive the female away. Clearly the nesting urge is even stronger among black swan males than among human males.

Of course black swans are not the only form of Western Australian wildlife who exhibit aberrant behaviour. One genus, the Rinehartus, are known to practice familicide, where they destroy and devour one another until only one is left perched atop a gigantic familia fiducia.

I hope that clears up any confusion you may have had, Jnor.
.

 

[Ruggo]

You are always good for a giggle Bruce but that is close to your best work Sir.

 

[Jnor]

Thanks Bruce, you've sorted out all of my swan-related queries for this weekend

 

[Hawko]

This page should be engraved in granite and kept in a museum for its hysterical value.