This from the Times this morning trying to be funny. No. 10 is particularly shite
Sick as a dog that France put England out of the rugby World Cup? Desperate for a team to support? Look no further than Wales, who are playing France in Saturday’s semi-final in Auckland. Why not masquerade as authentically Welsh by following these simple steps? Do:
1. Drink a pint of Brains, but beware Double Dragon as it leads to Feeling Foul (Felinfoel, do keep up).
2. Pronounce Cymru “Cumree”, not Kimroo.
3. Say that Welsh back row Toby Faletau, who moved to Wales at the age of 7, has a lot better right to play for his adopted homeland than Manu Tuilagi has to play for England. The aquatically-gifted England winger was nearly deported from the UK last year after it emerged that he had illegally stayed on after entering on a tourist visa in 2004.
4. Refuse to work on September 16, saying that you are commemorating Owain Glyndwr’s uprising.
5. Have Budgie, the Manic Street Preachers, Super Furry Animals, Catatonia and Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci on your playlist. Shakin Stevens and Bonnie Tyler, if you must. Try to avoid Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey.
6. Drop into conversation that Bassey does not come from Tiger Bay, as she claims, but from the less romantically named Cardiff district of Splott.
7. If you have a spare couple of hours, memorise Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Be prepared to trot out that it means St Mary’s Church in the hollow of the white hazel near the rapid whirlpool of Llantysilio of the red cave. Then say they called it that only in the 1860s as a publicity stunt to attract the tourists.
8. While you’re on a roll, mention that the village of Llanfynydd in Carmarthenshire tried to steal the title of longest place name in 2004 by renaming itself Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole, as a protest against plans to erect a wind farm. (It means a quiet beautiful village; a historic place with a rare kite under threat from wretched blades.) But it didn’t catch on.
9. Remind people of the pleasurably embarrassing moment when John Redwood tried to sing the Welsh national anthem without knowing either the Welsh original or the cheaty English phonetic version. Watch it here.
10. Sing the phonetic version of Land of my Fathers:
My hen laid a haddock on top of a tree
Glad farts and centurions throw dogs in the sea
I could stew a hare here, and brandish Dan’s flan.
Don’s ruddy bog’s blocked up with sand.
Dad! Dad! Why don’t you oil Aunty Glad?
When whores appear on beer bottle pies,
Oh, butter the hens as they fly.
11. Pob lwc. Cymru am byth! But if a real Welshman says Twll dîn pob Sais! to you, poke him in the eye.