Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

[Dismal Pillock]

damnit zEro, giving me these ideas..... https://aucklandblueshallo.wixsite.com/hall-of-fame

Selection Committee Z.Ero and K.Iwim, if the mood hits, feel free to pm me blurbs (slightly stupid blurbs) and a pic and i'll load them up. Of course, every single Auckland Blues player in the clubs history* is eliglible for induction.



*except Sonny Bill. Fuck that league clown.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

...every single Auckland Blues player in the clubs history* is eliglible for induction...

Including this guy?

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Goddamnit.

Obviously, there is a shortlist of individuals that will NEVER be eligible for entry into The Auckland Blues Hall of Fame;

L**e Mc*****r.
Reason: crimes against rugby.

Tasesa Lavea:
Reason: crimes against grubbers.

Beauden Barrett
Reason: crimes against cotton wool.

SBW.
Reason: not a rugby player.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^ Got it now

 

[Dismal Pillock]

THE PROPHECY. ​

​

IT CAME TO PASS. ​

​

THE IOANE BROTHERS DESCENDED UPON EDEN PARK FROM UPON HIGH TO SCORCH THE EARTH WITH BLITZKRIEG JAILBREAK DERISION AND PRECISION.​

​

​

​

THE PROPHECY HAS ​

REACHED FULL FRUITION. ​

​

THE OVARIES GESTATE. ​

​

THE STIFFIES MUTATE.​

​

BUT WAIT.....​

​

​

"Yeah nah that is definitely a forward ​

pass. Ummm..... penalty try, Cantabs."​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

Ioane Brothers depart ​

Eden Park in disgust.​

 

[Dismal Pillock]

​

The Ioane brothers, on Monday morning in downtown Onehunga, reenacting the try that never was.​

 

[Dismal Pillock]

vs Cantabs:

Nepo Laulala
Luteru Tolai
Alex Hodgman
Patrick Tuipulotu
Josh Goodhue. overall, whole tight 5 really not up to it in this one

Akira Ioane: didnt pick a great time not to shine. WFT do they do about Big Red banging on the door? A half each?
Blake Gibson: Choat seemed like a spritely upgrade
Hoskins Sotutu: a couple of moments in the loose didnt really make up for some disappointing ownage

Jonathan Ruru. fuck this pedestrian dumbo, just get the nippy ranga on please.
Otere Black: well and truly overshadowed by Mounga
Caleb Clarke; fuck wifebeating divebag shartmunch Sevu Reece, LOL CALEB STILL HAS YOUR AB JERSEY, CHAMP, ALL THE SOCCER DIVING HISTRIONICS AINT GONNA CHANGE THAT
Harry Plummer: ball seems to come to him in key gamebreak moments and of course he's not a gamebreaker and the movement dies.
Rieko Ioane: fuck yeah to the funny car acceleration
Bryce Heem: can see why he was picked. doesnt lose ball in contact, good pro.
Stephen Perofeta: went fine, no stuffups, joined the line well, 1 smashing tackle towards the end on Big Les.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Date: May 22
Venue: Eden Park
Auckland Blues vs NSFW Waratahs

 

[cyclopath]

Date: May 22
Venue: Eden Park
Auckland Blues vs NSFW Waratahs

I'm busy that day.....................

 

[Dismal Pillock]

I'm busy that day.......

 

[Dismal Pillock]

In the matches he (Sam Nock) has played in, the Blues are 3-0 and the matches without him playing a part, they are 0-4.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

 

[zer0]

Just go back to the basic, fantastically simple, bullying rugby they played in the first half of 2020; the rugby that led to Brown calling them a South African pack/team. It worked well so why deviate? In the second half of 2020 they dropped the kicking and bullying strategy and started running a lot more, to no avail. They continued that failed strategy into 2021 and the only match where it worked was against the Highlanders at Eden Park, and that was because the pack absolutely flattened them up front in a very first-half-of-2020 manner.

Just go back to that rugby against the Chufs and in the TT competition.

> We have the ball
> Are we inside our own half?
> Yes. Kick that shit down field
> No. Right, get these big fuckers rumbling forward

Also, start Sam Nock and literally anyone else at centre. In the event that there's some weird contractual obligation to start a Ioane there, then Akira would do a better job than old no-pass Rieko. He'd at least make some breaks, try and setup an outside more than once every third match, and would absolutely munt some bastards on defence.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Just go back to the basic, fantastically simple, bullying rugby they played in the first half of 2020; the rugby that led to Brown calling them a South African pack/team. It worked well so why deviate?

Because the shiftless drongos got bored with it. Hard work is painful and mundane. They'd rather have fun and chuck it around aimlessly and rely on individual brilliance to crack shit open, just like when they were the alpha's at schools level.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Bout time NZRFU put up a statue of the great man.....

 

[Teh Other Dave]

Because the shiftless drongos got bored with it. Hard work is painful and mundane. They'd rather have fun and chuck it around aimlessly and rely on individual brilliance to crack shit open, just like when they were the alpha's at schools level.

Welcome to Australian Rugby (tm) all rights reserved.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Worldwide Drug Companies Authorise "Auckland Blues 15-Year Memory Wipe" Vaccine.

--USA Today--

The W.H.O. have granted emergency use authorizations for all drug companies worldwide to begin dispensing an "Auckland Blues 15-Year Memory Wipe" vaccine.

This groundbreaking vaccine promises to wipe the human brain clean of memories pertaining to the Auckland Blues rugby football team's horrendous run over the last 15 years.

Here are the main vaccine participants;

"Our vaccine is 95% effective. You may have vague memories of Tasesa Lavea's dogshit grubber into touch during the 2nd half of the Auckland Blues Round 7 matchup with the Chiefs from 2007 but apart from that you won't remember a motherfucking thing. You can safely live out the remainder of your days blissfully unaware of legendary All Blacks like Tony Woodcock and Keven Mealamu and Jerome Kaino inexplicably losing match after match after match in the Auckland Blues jersey.

"With an additional vaccine booster shot, we can also eradicate all memories of Auckland Blues player Luke Mcalister's "performance" during the infamous 2007 Rugby World Cup quarter final defeat to France*



*sadly, medical science does not yet exist that can expunge the entire 2007 Rugby World Cup from the human memory. That shit is burned so deep in the Hate Cortex that even science bounces off the fucking thing.

"Our vaccine is 94% effective and can virtually guarantee that the patient will have no memory whatsoever of the pathetic coaching reigns of your John Kirwans and Tana Umagas.

The vaccine uses RNA (mRNA), which instructs cells to produce a self-replicating protein spike fungus all over the human brain. This fungus serves to eat away at all your memories of the last 15 years of Auckland Blues rugby. Unfortunately, the fungiiii also eats away at all of your other memories too and will actually kill you in a matter of days.

But what precious days your last few remaining days will be! You will be free! Free to roam around for days and days with virtually NO memory of the Auckland Blues rugby team from 2005 onwards!

It will surely be a glorious twilight as the sun goes down on your suddenly-shortened life.

Try Moderna!



*nb- one of the unintended side-effects of the Moderna Auckland Blues 15-Year Memory Wipe vaccine is, completely coincidentally, that it also provides 94% immunity from the "Covid-19" virus.

Who knew.

"Our vaccine is 66% effective. That's fucking good enough for a drongo like you!
Names like "Nucifora" and "Coach Kirwan" will soon become unrecognisable to your brain.

Sweet!

The J&J vaccine recognizes all vaccine-triggered Blues coefficient spike proteins as invaders and creates antibodies to block mental transmission of any memories of the Blues.

Unfortunately, one slight glitch in the proteins means it also erases all patients memories of anything coloured blue whatsoever. So, patients will forget what the blue ocean even is. And the blue sky. And all the other blue shit on planet earth. A small price to pay, I am sure you will agree. The Blues will no longer be blue to you! Nor will anything else ever be blue to you again! What a relief!



*disclaimer; J&J are not legally responsible if patients walk into the ocean and drown because they no longer recognise the blue oceans of the world as wet dangerous spaces.

"Our vaccine is 94% effective at eradicating horrific and deeply traumatising memories of the Auckland Blues rugby team's performance over the last 15 years.

All those false dawns, all those underperforming All Blacks, all those clueless dogshit coaches, all erased from your brain. You will just be left with happy thoughts up to about 2003 with Rupeni and King Carlos and Joe Rokocoko and after that..... nothing.

Our active ingredient is blood. Specifically, blood clots* which will flood your brain with red shit until they block all the blue shit from ever appearing again. Hey presto, no more Blues memories.

Science 101.




*nb these blood clots will definitely fucking kill you. Contact your local morgue if death persists LOL.




Sputnik Vaccine

"Our vaccine is 91% effective against the Covid 19 virus. An Auckland Blues Rugby Memory Wipe? What the fuck you talking about? That shit is impossible. Those memories are burned into your fucking brain. You can never forget shit like that. There is no hope for you. Crushing ineptitude and unrelenting disappointments on a scale like that, year after year after year after year, heartbreaking garbage like that is burned into your soul and you can never, ever, ever, ever forget it.

If pain persists in the morning, call Oleg at 0800 SPUTNIKCOCK.


Chinese Vaccine

Chinese Vaccine Spokesman Jian Yang:

"Our vaccine is 42% effective, you fucking arsehole. It use live bat cock STD virus that go straight up your a arsehole. From there, it replicate and a deliver the gene spike protein to stab up your arsehole a numerous times. It hurt like crazy and you probably die from it but at least you forget all about shithead Auckland Blues rugby team performance from last 15 years. You die happy, arsehole".

 

[Derpus]

You get bored huh?

 

[Dismal Pillock]

JUST THOUGHT I'D POP IN AND LEAVE THIS HERE:

 

[Dismal Pillock]

You get bored huh?

YOU GOT SOMETHING BETTER I SHOULD BE DOING?

BUSY CNUT.