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George Smith (75)
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/new...sh-changed-andy-friends-marriage/2199400.aspx
Starting over: how a bike crash changed Andy Friend's marriage
BY JOHN-PAUL MOLONEY
18 Jun, 2011 12:00 AM
It was mid-morning on a soaking wet Saturday 13 months ago when Kerri Rawlings was found unconscious next to a mountain bike track near Mount Stromlo.
To the other competitors in the Capital Punishment 50km race who came upon her in the mud, her injuries, including a gash to her cheek, looked relatively minor. But the cracked inner and outer shells of her helmet suggested the dark truth.
Deep inside her brain, Kerri had suffered two major haemorrhages, and several other smaller ones. By the time her husband, former ACT Brumbies coach Andy Friend, was located, also riding on the course, Kerri was in hospital.
That night, as the doctors assessed her as having suffered severe head trauma, Andy and his two teenage sons, Josh, now 16, and Jackson, 14, prepared to say goodbye. Mercifully they never had to. Yet still, all these months on, they're waiting to truly say welcome home to the wife and mum who went riding that day.
''You're not living with the person you married, you're living with someone who's different,'' Andy said.
''But it doesn't mean we don't love her the same. And with Kez working hard on her rehab we can see her coming back, day by day. But will she ever get back there? Who knows.''
Head trauma of this type is known as the ''invisible injury''. The complexities of the injured brain make it impossible for doctors to accurately predict outcomes.
For the first few days in hospital, while Kerri lay in a coma, it wasn't clear what, if any, spinal damage she'd suffered. When her family learned the good news that she would be able to walk, questions went to how her mental capacity would be affected.
The early signs had them worried.
''The first thing she said to our eldest boy Josh was, 'How's your sister?' and we only have two boys,'' Andy said.
At times what came out of her mouth was, in Kerri's own words, ''quite nutty''. Before visiting her in hospital each day, Andy and his sons would get together and prepare themselves.
''We'd say, 'What sort of weird stuff is Mum going to say today', so when she did we'd laugh so that it didn't get to us so much,'' he said.
After two weeks, Kerri went home. To outsiders' relief she was walking and talking, signs she was going to be OK. But those closest to her knew things were far from back to normal.
Doctors instructed the family that she couldn't be left alone. A simple task such as making a cup of tea could be a disaster as her brain struggled to even navigate a kitchen safely.
Throughout the past year, Kerri has been often irritable, vague and very lethargic. Only in recent weeks has she stopped sleeping most of the afternoon away.
While she's made slow and steady progress and the spark has returned to her eyes, it has been an infuriating experience.
''It was a roller-coaster. At the start I really wanted to be told when I was doing something wrong or when I'd said something really stupid,'' she said.
''And then it got to the point when I'd just want people to stop telling me, I'd snap and say, 'You know what I meant'. It's been up and down that way. There's been a lot of anger.''
The family has had more time to work on Kerri's recovery in recent months. As everyone in Canberra would know, Andy lost his job as Brumbies' coach two games into this season.
The day ''the bullet came'', as Andy puts it, became a blessing of sorts, giving him more time to be at home with Kerri and more time to pursue a major dream.
Starting on September 1 in Cooktown in Far North Queensland, Andy will ride a mountain bike almost 5000km along the Bicentennial National Trail. Three months later on December 3 he expects to roll on into Canberra.
''It's amazing what an idle mind does. It comes up with these sorts of things,'' he said, laughing.
One of the main purposes of the ride is to raise awareness of acquired brain injury and funds for services.
But they hope it has very practical benefits for Kerri, who'll drive the support vehicle.
On most of the long, lonely stretches of the journey, she'll be Andy's only company and only source of help.
Given that only weeks ago she couldn't be relied upon to make a drink without pouring boiling water on herself, it shows how far she's come. Andy said he trusts her ''absolutely''.
''One of the main reasons for doing this is to give Kez back her independence,'' Andy said.
''For her to have got where she is today, she's needed all of us. For me to get down this track, I'm going to need her there helping me.''
The Friendly Ride will be launched next Tuesday, along with a website www.andyfriend.com.au. Individuals or companies can sign up as sponsors or make donations to Brain Injury Australia and Outward Bound Australia's programs for people with brain injuries.
